Hello Reddit! Forgive me as I am new to the online community. Just wanted to tell my story and maybe get some input. I [37F] accidentally found out last month my husband [38M] was using 'work trips' as an excuse to sleep with his also married coworker who lives across the country. When I say accidentally; he sent me a screen shot of Amazon purchases for our children and included at the bottom of the photo was a delivery to this woman. So yes, the worried wife in me checked his search history and email. It was all right there! I learned his November trip was a romantic getaway but this current one is luxurious! A spa resort complete with couples massages, couples cooking classes and monogramed bathrobes from etsy. He mailed her a box of gifts a few days ago for Christmas (how sweet), he purchases sexy lingerie, sent her money on venmo and even started planning a January trip to Las Vegas. I was furious when I learn all this but I kept my composure.
My plan: He left this morning for his 'work trip' but before he left I gathered all evidence of his affair. I spent 4 weeks collecting emails, credit card statements, reservations and confirmations. I wrote him a 10 page letter, put it in an envelope and taped it inside the lining of his suitcase. I plan on sending a group text to him and his mistress right after check in telling them to enjoy their trip. I will also inform them that a letter is in his suitcase and that I want a divorce. I wrote a special section just for her and I want to make sure she sees it so I will be emailing her the letter as well.
He is currently in the air. My group text goes out this evening. Stay tuned...
UPDATE!
His flight landed 1 1/2 hours ago. He told me he would text me when he landed and he has yet to do so. I have text him twice, they were delivered but not read. I checked our phone records and he text both me and her during his lay over. His email shows no Uber receipt from his final destination airport to his hotel. She must have picked him up. Something I probably should have clarified in my OP. She lives in the state he is visiting. So he flew alone.
I will be sending a group text to both him and his mistress in 2 hours as that will be 4pm their time and check in.
UPDATE #2
Sent pictures of our children and he did not respond. FYI he is in the middle of the desert.
My texts are going through green which puts a monkey wrench in my plan for a group text to him and his mistress. Need suggestions. Should I call the hotel? Connect right to their room. I worked so hard for this, it has to be tonight. HELP!

UPDATE #3
Thank you to everyone standing by and waiting. My best friend has come to my house to help me through this. It seems my texts are going through green (undelivered) but when my friend tried it is blue and delivered.
HE HAS BLOCKED ME! I guess that helps his guilt.
The plan now is to call the hotel. Will wait a few minutes after check in to make the call. Very soon. Please stand by.

UPDATE #4
Like most of you predicted he does not care, He had zero answers for my questions. That was. the mot hurtful part. But guess what, I have all the emotional support and economic support so i'm not mad. Every question I asked he had no response because his mistress was sitting there. I suspect when he is home alone with me, his answers will be different. I have made sure that he will not emotionally and financially fuck me because I have secured support from family and friends. He can go FUCK himself!!!!!!
UPDATE #5
Called his hotel room. Talked to his mistress and finally lost my shit. He ended up calling me a few minutes later and had zero empathy. I'm shocked, but I'm not. He said a divorce was in order and fought me on nothing. I expected him to be sad, he was not, but thats ok. I started packing up his shit, I have some great friend who helped me put everything in the garage. Good riddance? I guess so...
The Morning After
I wake this morning broken. My house is in shambles as I went on a rampage yesterday ripping photos off the wall, throwing his stuff in piles on the floor and breaking random objects in anger. Now that I've had a nights sleep I feel that I am a bit clearer in my thinking as I analyze the 'conversation' we had yesterday. He was different on the phone. That was not the man I know, but who was the man I've known? Because everything was a lie. The only thing he cared about on the phone was getting the kids. Which is perfectly ok, he should want to see his kids. But he refused to answer any question I had or admit to anything. I personally feel his lack of remorse was because he was sitting in front of his mistress. If I confronted him at home this would not have been his reaction. When he comes home Monday night I expect to see a different man. Also, in my conversation with the mistress I learned she is recently separated.
I called my mom. That was hard. While she and my dad have always been loving and supporting it was hard to make that phone call. I felt like a failure. I know it wasn't my doing but to admit that I made a poor choice in a spouse was difficult. Was this all because of a mistake I made 13 years ago? Honestly it doesn't matter. I have 2 days to empty my house of his things.
Who do I tell? Do I call his dad? Do I tell his mother? Best friend? Work buddies? I wish there was a manual on how to do this because I'm lost. Even with all my preparation I'm still humiliated.
Luckily he did not take his house keys when he left. So no need to change the locks, I'll be removing his keys and sending him on his way. I don't plan on seeing him when he gets home Monday night. Doors are locked, everything you own is in the garage, have your people talk to my people and I'll see you never.
Preparing for the Return
My friends and family have been wonderful. I am so fortunate to have such great people in my life. Yesterday they came to help me move all of his clothing to the garage. His collectibles were all packed up and sitting here, waiting to be appraised. It took a very long time and I was exhausted afterwards; but it was necessary. I honestly don't think he expects me to have gone to such great lengths to remove him from my life. Because I was so emotional when I confronted him there is a chance that he thinks I will want to reconcile. Fat chance, buddy. His flights lands a little before 10pm tonight. When he Ubers back home the doors will be locked. He told me on the phone he was just getting his car and leaving. I will be holding him to that. Something I should have mentioned earlier, the house is in my name only. He had no credit when we first started looking so everything is in my maiden name and purchased by me. Health insurance, car insurance, cell phones, utilities are all in my name. The only thing his name is on is his car. I think he realizes now that could all come back to bite him. I don't want a messy divorce, I'm willing to listen to his demands and try and meet in the middle on as many things as possible. He obviously doesn't care anymore so I'm going to do my best to not care and treat this like a business deal.
Update late tonight on his return. Thank you to everyone following and showing support. You are appreciated.
The Dust has Settled
It's been a few days since his return. For a man who so diligently planned a secret retreat with his mistress he took no time to plan for his return 'home.' He has been living in the basement since Monday. I allowed him to watch the children open gifts on Christmas but he has since returned to the basement. We have contacted 3 mediators and have appointments next week to start the mediation process. It's obviously over. We had a conversation/argument upon his return and he actually asked about reconciliation. I laughed. I laughed uncontrollably. Of course he pushed blame stating that our marriage has been over for a long time. Well, that's news to me. His actions of an affair were selfish and avoidant. He didn't want to have that hard conversation with me about counseling or divorcing and this route was easier and a lot more fun. Let's face it, he likes the attention of 2 women loving and pining over him. Well, I'm not longer playing that game. She wins, and oh what a prize he is! I have been amicable about talking about the terms of our separation. My biggest hang up is her. He may continue seeing her and I have questions about her character. What kind of woman/mother cheats with a man she knows is married and knows has children? When I confronted her on the phone last Saturday and asked her that question she was silent. I asked if she was 'sorry' and it was as if the line went dead. That kind of person I do not want around my children. People who show no remorse, especially when they are in the wrong, are not kind people.
I have found solace in friends and family and thank you to everyone's recommendation of ChumpLady. I'm half way through the book, read through the website and find it so helpful. Thank you again to everyone. I can't believe the outpouring of support. To the trolls, sorry you think I'm an unfit and inattentive wife, but cheaters cheat because they want to. Thank you again to all, not sure if you want a mediation update or if my story is over. Either way, I'm happy to have 'met' you all.
Where is the 'fault'?
If you listen to the books and advice always given about cheaters it all says the same thing: It's not you, they made a choice. MY STBX insists things were bad. While I don't think we were Pam and Jim or Lucy and Ricky, I think things were good. This process has made me review who I am, who I've been and who I want to be. Could I have made changes? Yes. Was I perfect? Absolutely not. But my decisions and actions were never detrimental to our marriage. They were more like sacrifices. And now I'm having those sacrifices thrown at me and I'm being called neglectful. Is all this about attention? A narcissistic need to be the apple of someone's eye? Him and the AP are now blissfully in the honeymoon stage. Vacations, late night phone calls like teenagers, present buying, etc. But what happens when the other shoe drops? What happens when she sees that he has very little patience with children? That he will walk past a a sink full of dishes completely blind to them? When he doesn't pay the phone bill for 2 months because he is spending money on silly gadgets? What then? While it's not my problem, I'm sure his AP will take issue with these things. Perhaps then she will be put in the situation I've been in for a decade. Should she be the glue and hold it all together or should she neglect responsibilities for his neediness? I've been told by him ( someone who is having a relationship and spending large sums of money on someone else) that I'm at fault. Perhaps, but what about the decades of cleaning up your messes? Maybe if I would have had 2 hour conversations with him every night things would be different, but to be honest, I'm happy I'm here. Now reflecting back I see how under appreciated I was. How neglected I was. All these year I thought I was helping but I was really being taken advantage of and this affair is no different.
Just a word of advice to all the mess cleaners, excuse makers, and spouse sheltering people reading this. Stop. Stop now. I've learned that all the 'helping' is simply them learning how to manipulate you. Draw that line in the sand. Prepare for an uncomfortable situation when they start to stumble under the pressures of real life. But don't lose yourself. I lost myself years ago and it's not a place you want to be.
Mediation & The Move.
We had our first mediation appointment via Zoom yesterday. It was very amicable, but only because I don't want to fight and I just want this to be over. He apparently wants nothing. Not the house, not the furniture, not what he's entitled to of my pension; he just wants to be done as well. As I've been packing up things in the house to declutter I've been offering him things, but he wants nothing. I suspect the moment our marriage is dissolved he will be packing up his collectables and clothing and driving across the country to live with her. I guess I should be ok with this as I don't want to be married to him anymore. It just kills me that he will be moving in with her and helping her raise her 2 children while mine are fatherless. It makes me so angry. Seething. The man who was abandoned by his father is now doing the same thing. Something he said would never ever happened because of the mental issues it has given him today. Well, it looks like that, as well as mostly everything else, was a lie. Again, I take solace in the fact that their honeymoon phase will be short lived. Reality will smack them both in the face and she will realize that he can be more hurt than help.
While I wish him well and hope the best, our kids deserve more than a Christmas/Easteone week in the summer father. No dad at basketball games, cub scouts, birthday parties and school plays. Meanwhile AP will have him and her children's biological father. I guess nothing in life is fair and my boys will have to learn that lesson early than I had hoped.
He's Gone.
My STBX left yesterday morning to visit her. I told him to go. I didn't want to spend NYE with him and our COVID circle friends who we celebrate with have zero interest in seeing him either. He booked a flight 30 minutes after I told him to go. My only stipulation was that he is back for this weekend as it's my birthday and I really need a day to myself. I've watched the kids for 3 weekends now while he went to see his mistress, I thought I at least deserved my birthday to relax. He text me while he was boarding that he won't be home for my birthday. Well then... He claims when he booked this he booked a return for the evening of my birthday. When he tried to change it he was put on standby, it would cost $1000 to change, it was a red eye etc. The excuses kept coming. He apparently does not realize I have access to the internet as well and flights are less than $300 with the airline he flew. I told him this and he said those flights weren't there when he booked (lies) and he will take care of it. I just want him to be honest. If you don't want to be here for my birthday, just say it. If you don't want to spend the day with your children, just tell me. I can't force you to be a parent. I told him the flights were available and affordable, it's his choice to rebook. Ball is in your court. That's all I can do, right? Stay tuned for an update on his return this weekend..
NYE Nightmare.
It was 12:40am on NYE and there was still no call from him. I was angry for no other reason than I explained to the kids that even though daddy wasn't with us he would call at midnight to talk to them and wish them a Happy New Year. I was made to be a liar. So, I text my STBX and his excuse was, 'they are with their friends, I didn't want to bother them'. Excuse me? Bother them? You mean you didn't want your kids to bother you is what you are really saying. If I was across the country on NYE without my kids I would have called and done the countdown with them via facetime. I think most parents would. But not him. He said, "If you would have told me that you told the kids I'd call then I would have." He tried to spin this on me, that I created this mess. Why do I have to tell you that you need to call your children at midnight? This small act said a lot to me. Our children are not a priority. I guess he didn't want to ruin his perfect vacation at his new girlfriend's house with her children. He has a nice new family now. Today is my birthday and he returns this evening. I told him in my NYE text that I will speak to him on the 12th, our next mediation meeting because I'm done. I tried to be civil for the kids but he is not putting forth the effort for them.
Liar Liar, Pants on Fire.
The past few days have been strange. We rarely talk (a decision on both our parts) and when we do it's about mediation, plans moving forward, or the kids. We have been civil and communicating well about those items. We are also friendly in front of the children as not to upset them. The situation is strange because we are getting along, there is no arguing, it's a shared focus to just get through mediation and divorce. That's fine by me. Last night while I was cleaning the kitchen I heard him on the phone in the basement. I guess he didn't realize the door was left open by one of the children. Not wanting to be a part of the drama anymore I went to close the door. At that point I heard him tell her how 'crazy' I have been acting. Excuse me? We don't speak and when we do it's very civil. How is that crazy? Well, he proceeded to tell her about a conversation we had and he lied about everything. While the conversation part was true he told her I exploded, I was in a rage, I was crying etc. None of that was true. He explained how he laughed in my face at my rage, also not true because there was no rage. I had told him awhile back before the NYE debacle that I would start dating eventually and he proceeded to tell her that I was bragging about guys I'm meeting. So far from the truth. I slammed the basement door. I'm sure he knows I heard. So I ask, 'Why the need to lie and make me a villain?' We aren't staying together, I have no reason to fight with you anymore, that's why we are paying a mediator. Why start lying to your new girlfriend that you love? How is that a good way to start a relationship? I don't know what is happening here...
This is my concern: This woman and him are in love and want to start a life together. Ok, thats fine, God bless and congrats. But, this woman only knows me by the stories (which I'm assuming are all lies) he has told her about me. If he does move across the country to be with her, how can I trust a woman who hates me because of misinformation to treat my children properly? I don't care if she hates me personally, I'll still sleep fine at night, but now I'm worried about sending my kids in the summer to stay with them. I want to confront him about this but I know I can't. Maybe it's not that I can't, but I don't know how. Also, he has told no one we are separated and definitely has not told people why. How come? You initiated this, you cheated, you are happy now, so why can't you tell people? He told his father that he was bringing the kids alone to visit him because he and I 'weren't seeing eye to eye at the moment.' What?! I would assume he's afraid to face the music or is just finding comfort in the little love bubble he has created. He chooses to not face reality. He has yet to look for an apartment for when the divorce is finalized but has booked another fight out to see her for Valentine's Day. He is refusing to face reality and it's so frustrating.
We have mediation on 1/12 to discuss custody and hope that we can settle everything and get the paperwork moving. I'm having a scheduled phone conversation with a lawyer today to discuss what I should ask for in terms of physical and legal custody when he moves. Update you all (if you want it of course) on mediation after the 12th.
Mediation and Empty Promises
Yesterday was our second mediation appointment. While it was amicable, there was some obvious tension. The tension was not on my end but more on his. Let me explain... During our first mediation we brought up the topic that he might move out of state. At yesterdays meeting I asked what we would do about custody if he moves to this particular state. When I mentioned the state by name the mediator was confused. This prompted her to ask him why this state that is so far away. His answer? "Well......." Then silence. He couldn't put into words the fact that he was leaving to be with his girlfriend. I had to finally chime in realizing we are paying by the hour that he was moving to be with his girlfriend. I realized later that was the first time he had semi-confessed to having an affair and a girlfriend to anyone. If you love this person so much why can't you just say it out loud? That whole situation confuses me.
Anyway, when it comes to dollars and cents I will be fine. He will also be fine. He will have enough to do what he needs and so will I. We have agreed to a physical custody scenario that allows him weekend and dinner visits. Fine by me, I want my boys to have their father. But, the situation becomes a bit more difficult when he moves. While he said yesterday he plans to stay here at least a year, I doubt that will actually happen. When he does move across the country he wishes to return for one weekend of every month to see the boys. Again, I'm fine with this scenario but where will he stay that weekend? He has no family. Will he just be taking the boys to a hotel? Again, I don't think he actually thought this through. This is a problem I/we will tackle when he does decide to move.
Lastly, the mediator said it could take about 2 months to finalize everything. He and I spoke after the session to go over some facts and figures and I brought up the tentative finalization date of our marriage. I told him how 2 months is a good amount of time to save some money and find an apartment to which he agreed. I also reminded him about his promise to not return to visit her until our divorce is finalized or he has a place to live. He quickly became frustrated telling me that he knew and tried to shut down the conversation. I told him I'm happy that we are on the same page but I'm not budging. If you leave while you still live here you can not come back, that is something we both agreed to.
Now the big question remains; Who does he break a promise with? Obviously it's a win win for me, stay home and help me with the kids while you save $500+ and move out quickly or leave to visit her and I get you out of the house sooner. I'm happy with either decision. I just want to move on with my life and enjoy my moments with my children.
Out For A Swim
When I took this dive into the Reddit community I had no idea where I would land. I thought my feet would hit shallow ground and I would be ankle deep on the banks in an uncomfortable swimsuit all alone. But to my surprise this deep ocean of Reddit readers have engulfed me into their warm waters and I am surrounded by a sea of support. For this I am thankful. I am also so touched by the droves of people who have reached out for advice or offered their own experiences as lessons to be learned. To the ones seeking advice I tell them, I am not an expert swimmer. I am merely doggy paddling through this sea of hurt and confusion. Please don't use me as a sign of strength. Because the truth is, I am not strong, I am you. I am the woman who reads because they are suspicious of late night phones call her husband takes. I am the spouse who has shouldered the entire family and is in desperate need of support. I am the woman who misses affection from her husband who is next to her in bed every night. I. Am. You. To those people who have yet to catch their partner cheating but are suspicious, trust your gut. Cheating is a coward's choice so be braver than them and face the truth. To the spouse who is 'the fixer' and takes on every challenge, take a step back. When you help (even with good intention) you are actually just hurting yourself. To the spouse who has tried everything to receive physical attention from their partner but to no avail, their affection is probably going somewhere else. These are lesson I wish I could have told myself months, if not years ago. Listen to me. Or just listen to you.
To the sharks in water who call me a 'bad mom', 'a crazy bitch', 'fake' or even just think I'm out of my mind, you will find no blood in this water. So it's best you move on and find a thread where the OP will chum the water for you. It's so very easy to read and judge, this I understand. I just hope that if this ever happens to you that you will be as brave, logical and composed as you expect others to be. If not, you will find sharks circling you as well. So I hope you are as strong of a swimmer as you claim to be.
If you are still reading, my saga/survival continues. Our final mediation papers will arrive this week. We were able to settle everything at the last meeting on 1/12 and the documents just need our signature. After that, the divorce papers need to be served and filed with the county. Then we await our court date which will be done via Zoom. Yes, a bit anticlimactic, but it will still serve its purpose of divorcing. He has started (finally) to look for an apartment but nothing is to his satisfaction. Maybe he is being picky or maybe he is comfortable living in the basement. Either way, once the divorce papers are stamped he needs to be gone. He has started making phone calls to her during the day and I can hear him giggling downstairs. I'm happy he is happy, I really am. That isn't passive aggressive. I know I will be happy one day too, he just got there first and that's ok. I feel like my life is in limbo right now. I can't move forward because I'm chained to the past. I'm hoping his move will be soon. I suspect he wants out for February 1st so he can go visit her for Valentines Day. I hope for his sake (and mine) that he makes his deadline. I will update again after I receive the mediation paperwork and divorce papers are served. I'm sure that will stir up a lot of thought and emotion so I'm certain it will be a doozy. Till then, I'll keep doggy paddling.
Souvenirs
If you have been following along then you know that there was a chance he would leave for Valentine's Day to go visit her. Well, he left this morning. He told the kids, "I'm going" as he walked out the door leaving me to explain a few hours later that he had to leave to 'work' when they started asking for him. I have learned that I can't have expectations. Just because I would try to be more honest with the kids doesn't mean he would. I was really proud of the fact that I didn't even engage him in the discussion/debate/argument of going. Yes, I had loudly vocalized some feelings a week ago when he told me he was going but I have not engaged him about it since. All I asked was for his flight info so that I would know when to expect him back. He did not provide this information; maybe he thinks I'm not entitled to it. Either way, he left and I was fine. While we had the conversation multiple times (in which he agreed) that he would not visit her again till he had an apartment he has reneged on that agreement. Shocker. He claims that he has every right to be here (which he does legally) and he can do as he pleases. He put a down payment on an apartment a few days ago but says he doesn't know when he is moving. What? The bills he pays in the house are less than the child support he will have to pay, so I think his decision to stay longer might be a financial one. I've offered him any piece of furniture he wants in the house. I even offered to pay for 1/2 of the cost of bunk beds for the boys. I just need him to leave. I have no idea why he is dragging his feet.
BUT, I learned through a mutual friend and former work colleague of theirs that she recently had COVID. When I say recently, I mean the board of health from her state said she could stop quarantining 3 days ago! But what about her kids that are in the home? Where they living there during her quarantine? Are they positive? Perhaps they are asymptomatic? Will my STBX be bringing me and our children home a COVID souvenir?
I'm LIVID.

A Guide to The Weeknd's Discography

Since The Weeknd is performing at the Super Bowl Halftime show, I thought it’d be nice to post a little guide to his discography for anyone interested in looking to do a deep dive into his work. I would’ve posted this the day of the event, but I assume that some people would probably like to go through it over the weekend.
This shares a direct overview of his released material, talking about his career and the background of the music, the videos, the meanings and all. I’ve written this from a pop perspective, keeping in mind that his history might be fairly new for general pop fans.
I also go into the storyline of the red suit character, if your interested in catching up on that narrative before the Halftime show (which will continue the story), I’ve listed the chronological order below followed by an explanation of that narrative.
I wanna be clear that the interpretations/theories are not conclusive. Abel rarely shares the metaphors or meanings behind his music. This is based on widely based on fan discussion/mutual interpretation. Fans can feel free to expand on anything in the comments.
It is important to know about Abel's backstory to get a certain perspective of where he’s coming from, especially when discussing the songs that deal with substance abuse. These recent articles cover his early years really well and share an up-to-date point of view of his success.
Variety 2020
Billboard 2021 - Also a good source for getting to know his team.
So, an essential TL;DR is this: Abel Tesfaye came from a broken home, he was born to Ethiopian immigrant parents who split up when Tesfaye was less than seven. He then lived with his mother and grandmother, only rarely seeing his father but having a nice impression of him. His drug addiction started as soon as he was a high schooler, he turned to shoplifting to pay for this need of various substances. Soon he dropped out of high school, leaving his home the same weekend, which would later inspire his stage name, The Weeknd. The name is reference/homage to the weekend his life changed.
Quick side note, I didn’t think this post would nearly reach the character limit. So I’ve cut out excess detail and lists of producers (with the exception of After Hours since we’re in that era).
Table of contents

XO.
House of Balloons.
Thursday.
Echoes of Silence.
Trilogy.
Kiss Land.
King of the Fall.
Beauty Behind The Madness.
Starboy.
My Dear Melancholy.
After Hours.

XO.

XO is the record label that The Weeknd and co. created in order to publish the first mixtape (House of Balloons) and the ones that would follow afterwards. XO has a lot of meanings that have to do with what went into the music and what still goes into it. XO is what the fans call themselves, popularly with the phrase XO Till We OD (shortened to XOTWOD); another way of saying “we’re ride or die for The Weeknd and his team.”
While some argue that it could mean anything since there isn’t clear meaning to it, fans continue to associate the abbreviation with ecstasy (X) and oxycontin (O). That definition stems from XOTWOD, fans assume it’s true because of the team’s history of drug usage. While others take it as it’s classical definition “hugs and kisses” because of the consistent lyrical nature of The Weeknd’s songs.
Overtime the definition of XO is simply known as: the fans, the crew, and the label. The Weeknd is more than just one person, he comes with XO. For the sake of clarity in this writeup, I’m going to refer to his crew as XO and the fans as “the fans.”
XO still serves as a record label, the current roster is The Weeknd, Belly, Nav, and Black Atlass. It remains The Weeknd’s record label and was his first label before becoming a subsidiary of Republic Records.
Throughout his career, The Weeknd has worked with Illangelo, a Canadian producer who’s work the fans adore. Carlo “Illangelo” Montagnese was one of main the producers on The Weeknd’s Trilogy, he’s credited on each track. The fan base claims his work to be some of the most notable artistry in The Weeknd’s discography. Their work together continued with Beauty Behind The Madness, Illangelo worked on seven tracks for that album. He then returned for After Hours working on another seven tracks.
DaHeala, another Canadian producer, is another significant factor in The Weeknd’s music. Jason “DaHeala” Quenneville worked as lead producer on Kiss Land. He returned to work on six tracks for The Weeknd’s Beauty Behind The Madness, including the hit Earned It. DaHeala returned as a writer for six of the songs on Starboy. Then DaHeala worked on nine After Hours tracks, and worked as the only producewriter alongside The Weeknd for bonus tracks Missed You and Final Lullaby.

House of Balloons.

Didn't wanna make this NSFW, so here's the super clean edited cover

This is a happy house. We’re happy here. (House of Balloons/Glass Table Girls)

One of the most iconic title tracks of all time. House of Balloons is about a lifestyle of drugs, sex, and partying; all in effort to drown out self-doubt. It comes from a place of wanting to make it big while doing what you can to survive, all while pretending everything’s alright. The mixtape describes various sorts of women, how they’ve had impacted the life of someone who’s already down on his luck.
Fans often refer to House of Balloons as The Weeknd’s best work. The mixtape was the first introduction the world got of XO, and it was one hell of a way to make an impression. It’s personal for the fans and Abel because it’s the only piece of work known to be based on his life. At the end of the day he’s a songwriter, with many of his albums he creates scenarios and world that he likes to explore through the music. But House of Balloons is known to be based entirely on his life. It remains The Weeknd’s most critically acclaimed work.
House of Balloons was crafted through the influences of Hip-Hip/Indie-Rock with the main focus on R&B. Through the genius of Ilangelo, the record was—and is—mesmerizing capturing the essence of a lifestyle that The Weeknd described as “anti-everything.”
House of Balloons assisted The Weeknd in gaining the attention of Republic Records, which would then host The Weeknd’s own label XO. Though hesitant at first, XO decided to partner with Republic after the co-founding brothers Monte and Avery Lipman kept coming back to Toronto solely for The Weeknd.
House of Balloons received three videos, The Knowing, Wicked Games and Twenty Eight. The Knowing was the very first video The Weeknd made, so of course it’d be something other-worldly; it essentially reflects the song itself but in a sci-fi setting. Twenty Eight represents Abel’s life after fame but also his remorse of letting captivating women into his life.
Fun fact— House of Balloons is an actual place in Toronto, it was where him and his crew lived after he dropped out of high school. They’d host parties, call girls, do drugs, and to make it less depressing they’d fill it with balloons.

Thursday.

Valerie on the cover

Welcome to the other side. (Life of the Party)

Thursday consists of the same themes as HoB; sex and drugs. But there’s a twist, he’s in a semi-relationship with this girl Valerie. She’s the only one on his mind, even though they meet only one day of the week, any guesses on what day that could be? Through The Weeknd’s phenomenal voice and the insane production, we’re also presented with this story of a toxic relationship where Valerie used to have the upper hand but she no longer does when she falls for The Weeknd.
While Thursday isn’t entirely about the relationship of The Weeknd and Valerie, it consists of reflections to Abel’s life after the release of House of Balloons. The song Rolling Stone notably has a double meaning, in which Abel asks his fans if they’ll stick with him when he gets mainstream appeal and decides to change his sound.
The track Valerie wasn’t on the original release of Thursday, it added when Trilogy was released. Ending the mixtape with Heaven or Las Vegas meant that The Weeknd’s actions with and without Valerie were a result of his fatherless childhood, making him push anyone away. That meaning behind Thursday doesn’t change when Valerie is added to the track list, it just means that both want the toxic relationship back.
The Zone (feat. Drake) was the first feature The Weeknd had on any of his work, the video for it was released in November of 2012. Rolling Stone had also received a video in October of 2012. Both were directed by The Weeknd and reflect the two different aspects of Thursday. The Zone has Valerie living it up in the House of Balloons. And Rolling Stone has The Weeknd doing a photoshoot for Trilogy, reflective of the song itself.
Fun Fact— the female voice heard in Lonely Star is The Weeknd’s, he pitched his voice to make it sound like a woman’s.

Echoes of Silence.

Diana on the cover

Laisse tomber les filles. Un jour c'est toi qu'on laissera. [Leave the girls alone. One day it’ll be you they will leave.] (Montreal)

Out of a dark introductory into the early life of The Weeknd, Echoes of Silence is the darkest work of his Trilogy. Let’s be honest the story here isn’t entirely ethical at times but makes for one hell of a mixtape.
Similar to Thursday, Echoes of Silence follows a storyline. After accumulating success, The Weeknd gains the attention of various women. There was this one woman (D.D.) who he liked but she initially rejected him (Montreal). The woman came back to him for his fame status and evidently fell in love with him (Outside), but now that he’s got the upper hand he treats him like a groupie (XO/The Host) and lets... bad things happen to her; she’s gotta pass a test before she can get with him. This test is either drugs or his crew (Initiation). He ultimately tells this woman that he’s not exactly longterm-relationship material, perhaps because her love is temporary (Same Old Song), because he’s Next. With the end of Echoes of Silence (originally ending on the title track) the listener is left to wonder why The Weeknd left her if he’d simply want her to stay.
As a side note— Initiation should not be condoned. It remains true that The Weeknd is a songwriter and the progression of time has changed perspectives. But a song that makes such suggestions as Initiation should not be ethically/morally claimed or celebrated.
The mixtape follows The Weeknd’s lifestyle after he’s gained all this success, he’s still the same person but now he’s gotten everything he wanted. Some tracks such as The Fall continue to emphasize his journey into stardom and his acceptance of fame being temporary. With the added Till Dawn (Here Comes The Sun), The Weeknd acknowledges the changes in his life, realizing that the old lifestyle is no longer there for him or his past lovers.
Echoes of Silence is known as an underrated gem of The Weeknd’s discography, it’s well received by fans and critically acclaimed but often brushed under the rug in discussion of his work. A lot of fans and casual listeners play the mixtapes through Trilogy rather than their respective albums. This often leads to people not playing EoS either at all or only the first few tracks, this is predominantly due to the nature of the compilation being nearly three hours long.
Fun fact— D.D. is a cover of Michael Jackson’s iconic Dirty Diana. Fans have named the woman in Echoes of Silence Diana because of this track. Various theories argue that the mixtape itself is based on the Dirty Diana itself with exaggerations of the truth, or whether or not it’s a story The Weeknd crafted based on the song.

Trilogy.

Rolling Stone video doubled as a shoot

You don’t know what’s in store. (High For This.)

Trilogy is a compilation of The Weeknd’s mixtapes, House of Balloons, Thursday, and Echoes of Silence. These three mixtapes were released 3-4 months apart from one another for free digital download in 2011, they gained quite a lot of attention from various industry executives.
Prior to the release of Trilogy, The Weeknd featured on Drake’s Take Care with Crew Love. The song was Abel’s first exposure to a Rap crowd/Rap fans, more people began listening to his music after the release of Take Care. The Weeknd then featured on Wiz Khalifa’s Remember You, which served as the second single off Wiz Khalifa’s O.N.I.F.C. Following those two releases, The Weeknd released Wicked Games as the first single off Trilogy.
Trilogy was formed after The Weeknd came under Republic Records’ management. The compilation album reached a debut/peak position of 4 on the Billboard 200 while reaching number one on the US Top R&B/Hip-Hop Albums chart. It’s a well received album with the highlight said to be House of Balloons, which arguably went on to influence various sorts of R&B music of the 2010s.
Videos for Trilogy

Kiss Land.

Iconic

I went from starin' at the same four walls for 21 years. To seein' the whole world in just 12 months. (Kiss Land)

Kiss Land is based on The Weeknd’s tour life. Visiting unfamiliar places gave Abel horror movie vibes. A guy who used to own the city (Toronto) he lived in is now a small fish in the ocean of the entire world. The Weeknd’s first studio album was a great introduction into the sound he would soon get well acquainted with.
While continuing the R&B sound with the essence of Dark Wave, the album explores emptiness and regret throughout the lyrics—or what pop fans could categorize as dark pop—. The Japanese aesthetic used for various videos and the single covers/booklet reflects the themes of feeling overwhelmed by such a loud world that there’s no point in being if you don’t belong.
The album explores the real-world and the women in it as well as regrets regarding past actions, namely letting go of women who could’ve been the one in Adaptation. The Weeknd attempts to find that satisfaction in other women and past lovers, but accidentally falls for a sex worker in Belong To The World. With Wanderlust he accepts and expresses that love in the modern world isn’t entirely possible. While continuing to tour the world he enjoys these new experiences with XO (Live For feat. Drake), as well as the new women in his life (Kiss Land). And when he’s back home, he accepts the loss of the relationship he cherished.
Kiss Land debuted and peaked at number two on the Billboard 200. It was fairly acclaimed but gained a massive cult following. There were four videos for made for the album, the title track, Belong To the World, Live For (feat. Drake), and Pretty. Those four songs received interesting visuals that kept up with their respective themes while Belong To the World/Kiss Land got visuals that matched the aesthetic of the album. To this day fans ask Abel for a part two to the horror-movie-inspired album after he said it’s the only album he would have a sequel for.
Videos for Kiss Land
Fun Fact— The video for Kiss Land on YouTube is an extremely edited version of the actual video shot for the song. The directors cut further explores the erotic-horror themes if the album.

King of the Fall.

King of the Fall 2020 cover (even though I talk about three other songs here)

Driving by the streets we used to walk through like a triumph. (King of the Fall)

These next few song were released between the Kiss Land and Beauty Behind the Madness era. Some fans would classify them as part of the Beauty Behind the Madness era—I’d say the same tbh—but they stand apart on the basis of success and acclaim. It’s a transition between The Weeknd being an underrated R&B musician to being a mainstream artist with massive recognition and appreciation.
The first of these four songs is King of the Fall. A fan favourite and a standout in The Weeknd’s discography. This is one of The Weeknd’s few Rap tracks, it gained a lot of attention within the Rap sphere. It was the way in which XO would announce that they’ve made it, little did they know that this was just the start.
Prior to the release of Beauty Behind the Madness (BBTM), The Weeknd gained mainstream attention. The Weeknd’s exposure to mainstream music was uphill, it wasn’t overnight. The first taste of BBTM came from Often, a song that reflected the themes of sex that Abel was known for. The track was released more than a year before BBTM’s release and had made it onto the trackless unlike King of the Fall. Slowly but surely The Weeknd gained exposure, his main sources of exposure were through a collaboration and a soundtrack.
Most pop fans heard about The Weeknd through his hit collaboration with Ariana Grande, Love Me Harder. The collab was made through Republic when The Weeknd said he wanted more than what he had gotten through Kiss Land. Ariana and Abel had formed a real bond cough The Hills cough, their bond assisted the song in becoming a memorable hit for both artists. Love Me Harder was a top ten hit on the Billboard Hot 100.
Later that year, The Weeknd was featured on the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack with Earned It, as well as Where You Belong. Earned It became a massive hit peaking at 3 on the Billboard Hot 100 and receiving an Oscar nomination for The Weeknd; a massive milestone for XO. Earned It kept up with Abel’s signature lyrics but the production differed heavily from the sort of R&B he was known for.
Videos from that era

Beauty Behind the Madness.

I can hear this image

I'm that ***** with the hair singin' 'bout poppin' pills, fuckin' bitches, livin' life so trill. (Tell Your Friends)

Following the success of Love Me Harder and Earned It, the Beauty Behind the Madness era began with The Hills. This was The Weeknd’s first number one on the Billboard Hot 100. Along with the video, The Hills became an addictive classic. The production and lyrics mirror a mature version of the sound that was originally found on Trilogy. It was truly in keeping with The Weeknd’s character, the only difference was his haircut.
Next came Can’t Feel My Face, a Max Martin production that differed greatly from anything The Weeknd put out in the past. In past songs, Abel had expressed his fear of losing his following if he went mainstream simultaneously asking his fans if they’d stay. He repeats that sentiment in the Can’t Feel My Face video. The sound has changed, the lyrics stay the same but now he’s a pop-star. The song became a hit as it reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100. With this massive bop previous fans still stayed, The Weeknd becoming a pop singer didn’t at all alter his image or sound; he mastered it.
In The Night and Acquainted were released as singles on the same day, the were the only singles to come after the release of Beauty Behind The Madness. The former received a music video treatment that followed the theme of the song itself while also starring Abel’s girlfriend at the time, Bella Hadid. Acquainted was robbed of a video even though Abel had shown off the fact that a video was in development; the song kept in the tone of The Weeknd’s work prior to BBTM.
Beauty Behind the Madness captures a Hollywood-based reality that The Weeknd came to understand: the dark aspects of your life will continue to follow you wherever you are. Real Life, Losers (feat. Labrinth), Tell Your Friends, Dark Times (feat. Ed Sheeran), and Prisoner (feat. Lana Del Rey) all capture a nihilistic view of a dream achieved.
Most of the videos of Beauty Behind The Madness have a mysterious white man. He’s featured in The Hills, Can’t Feel My Face, and Tell Your Friends. That man represents the devil. Throughout his journey in those videos, (The Hills) Abel runs into the devil after his car crash, (Can’t Feel My Face) he’s at the club then lights him on fire. The significance behind the fire could be selling his soul to the devil, BBTM is about Hollywood and a popular Hollywood myth is that celebrities sell their souls to the devil in exchange for fame. So in the Can’t Feel My Face video, Abel changes his sound to Pop (from R&B) thus leaving his signature sound in order to become famous, everyone starts enjoying his music once he’s sold his soul.
Then we see The Weeknd burying himself in Tell Your Friends, perhaps leaving the old Abel behind after the deal with the devil. However, instead of thanking the devil, Abel takes his revenge and shoots him. But wait, there’s more! The album trailer for BBTM features the devil burning a billboard with The Weeknd’s face on it, revealing Beauty Behind The Madness. HOWEVER, the final cut for the video features the devil being arrested while The Weeknd watches. This is a more realistic form of karma that the devil gets.
Videos for BBTM

Starboy.

Filled with bops

If I could, I'd trade it all, trade it for a halo. And she said that she'll pray for me, I said, "It's too late for me.” (Ordinary Life)

After the massive success of Beauty Behind the Madness, there was a lot of hype around what The Weeknd would do next; evidently he decided to explore Pop. The fandom he had gained wasn’t entirely based in the Pop sphere, his fans consisted of general Rap fans, but Starboy attracted the Pop audience.
Initially, most of his older fans couldn’t get behind Starboy, it differed greatly from the previous sound. It was crazy to think that the guy who made Trilogy managed to make such a Pop-centric album. But this was Abel expressing his versatility.
Since this is where most pop fans found out about Abel’s work and became fans I won’t talk too much about the singles, rather more about the album itself. His work with Daft Punk cemented this album in an efficient mix between Pop and R&B, where Beauty Behind the Madness was more R&B with Pop, Starboy was considered Pop with R&B.
Beyond the genres, Starboy explores two evident themes. One being his life with fame and recognition. The next being his love life in Hollywood, this aspect of the album came from his relationship with Bella Hadid which ended after the release of the album.
The cross became the symbol for that era and appeared in the album’s photoshoot as well as the videos. There was never any conclusive word on the use of the cross but there are various theories about it, something to note is that Abel was raised Christian, it could perhaps be a reflection of his past.
The cross he uses to destroy his accolades (Starboy video) is assisting him rather than something that’s holding him back. Abel’s upbringing was rough but now he’s celebrating it rather than feeling bad for himself. The cross continues to come up in the Party Monster video, this time it’s in the party house he’s making his way through. Then it shows up in the video for Reminder, this time in the form of his merch, the people wearing it are perhaps representative of his fans. Then we see it in the False Alarm video, both Abel and the girl are wearing it; the notable thing being that Abel holds his cross up before dying. Then in the brilliant video for Secrets, after giving up on the girl he’s with he leaves the building to find a giant cross. And finally in the I Feel It Coming video, The Weeknd sports a shiny cross necklace, and Daft Punk find it years and years after Abel froze.
The videos tell us that the cross is an evident piece of his story. This could mean that his past will always be with him, no matter what sort of fame he’s experiencing he’ll always be who he once was.
Also, I’m gonna take this moment to once again the genius that is the Secrets (both the song and the video). Yes it’s my favourite song/video off of Starboy but it’s so underrated.
Videos for Starboy, Secrets video bottom right
Fun Fact— Most demos of the tracks on Starboy weren’t as pop as they became, they started off R&B but became pop after production.

My Dear Melancholy.

Note the comma

They said our love is just a game, I don't care what they say. But I'ma drink the pain away, I'll be back to my old ways. (Privilege)

Oof (but in a good way, this whole thing is a bop). For this one I’m gonna talk extensively about The Weeknd’s relationships, which personally feels really invasive but it’s but it’s essential when talking about these sad boy anthems. Beyond that I’d just like to state that though they are part of the narrative both Bella Hadid and Selena Gomez deserve respect/privacy.
So when it comes to Pop music fans I think it’s safe to say that we all know a lot about this one. My Dear Melancholy (MDM) came after the very public relationship of The Weeknd and Selena Gomez. However it’s not just about Selena, some songs reflect his relationship with Bella Hadid (whom he got back with a month after MDM’s release).
My Dear Melancholy consists with The Weeknd’s exploration/mastery of merging Pop and R&B together. The EP was praised by fans for its lyrics and production, many went on to theorize that it was his most personal project since House of Balloons. The EP was the shortest album to reach number one on the Billboard 200.
My Dear Melancholy and fan conspiracies; name a better duo. The first theory being that the EP is entirely about Selena Gomez which wasn’t too much of a mystery since the lyric “I almost cut a piece of myself for your life” exists. Not only did MDM come after Abel’s relationship with Selena Gomez but also after his relationship with Bella Hadid. As far as fans were aware those two relationships were the most important relationships Abel had ever been in.
In theory, the songs about Bella and Selena can be categorized. Call Out My Name, Try Me, and Privilege are likely about Selena. Wasted Times, and Hurt You are likely about Bella. Leaving I Was Never There to act as an introspective look into The Weeknd’s life, basically making him hop back on his vices for comfort.
Another popular theory was that My Dear Melancholy was the first of another trilogy. This rumour was widely believed due to the comma at the end of the title on the album cover. But the fans soon gained a real reason to believe this theory, since the CEO of XO (the record label), Sal had liked an Instagram post that featured the cover and alleged date. Since Trilogy is a fan favourite this conspiracy spread like wild fire, so much so that fake titles and covers were made. The name of this trilogy would be: (1)My Dear Melancholy, (2)We’re Alone Together, (3)Abel.
Only one song served as a single for the EP. Call Out My Name was released nearly two months prior to the actual release of the album, it debuted/peaked at number four on the Billboard Hot 100. The mysterious video captures The Weeknd in various atmospheric places that reflect the tone of the EP, a haunting yet unexplained reality that the listener is to reflect on.
From the cover, to the music, to the video, to lyrics, My Dear Melancholy is an introspective reflection of heartbreak.
Call out my name video

After Hours.

Talented, Brilliant, Incredible, etc.

My darkest hours. (After Hours)

After Hours comes after success but references two lows in The Weeknd’s life. The album welcomes darkness and leads the listener towards a dead-end. The Weeknd’s past two albums (Beauty Behind The Madness and Starboy) ended on hopeful notes, they left the listener with a sense of hope but all hope his lost with After Hours.
Fans compare After Hours to House of Balloons—a rare occurrence considering House of Balloons’ acclaim—arguing that both albums are on the same level. Debate continues on whether or not both albums are on the same caliber. The belief that After Hours stems from reality does a lot to help its side of the argument.
The era began with Mercedes-Benz commercial that featured Blinding Lights, that was our first taste of the everlasting bop. Heartless was premiered on an episode of Memento Mori hours before its release on the 27 of November (2019), Blinding Lights was released two days later. Both videos were as brain melting as promised and the served as the tip of the iceberg.
After Hours was released nine days after COVID-19 was declared a pandemic, there was a massive risk in releasing an album that would not have a lot of promotion after it’s release (other than magazine coverage). There was no telling whether or not people would pay attention to the album during the height of the fear surrounding the pandemic, but it was a massive success. After Hours debuted at number one on the Billboard 200, with singles Heartless and Blinding Lights topping the Billboard Hot 100.
The album is layered with haunting productions that remains predominantly R&B but dives deep into Pop with some of the tracks. Max Martin produced the massive hit Blinding Lights as well as In Your Eyes, Save Your Tears, Hardest to Love, and Scared to Live which samples Elton John’s Your Song. Other notable producers include Metro Boomin who worked on the hit Heartless as well as Escape from LA, Faith, and Until I Bleed Out. With Kevin Parker on the interlude Repeat After Me.
Beyond the production are the narrative driven lyrics. In theory the album references two significant events in Abel’s life, his second breakup with Bella Hadid and his arrest in Las Vegas. The latter was due to his misbehaviour; in January 2015 he punched a cop in Vegas, lmao. Which means that After Hours is a recollection of The Weeknd’s first few years in LA. He merges the concept of his breakup with the idea of being an upcoming star, feeling free in the city of lights all while diving deep into the meaninglessness of those lights.
While After Hours starts with loneliness and a second chance it leads up to Abel returning to his vices of lust. In Alone Again his loneliness caught up to him and he’s asking for a second chance. He acknowledges his mistakes and situation in Too Late/Hardest to Love, in Scared to Live his ex then returns to him for a second time. He remembers his past ways in Snowchild and the way in which it lead to better days, but where do you go after such highs? In Escape From LA he faces the superficial reality of Hollywood, glad that he got that he got back with his ex, while continuing to question if it’s worth it. But he fucks up the second chance when she pulls up to the studio.
Who is she? Much like the other mysteries surrounding The Weeknd’s music, we may never know. Is it all more of The Weeknd’s songwriting ability or is it driven by reality? Fans found a merge between the two to be more accurate, After Hours is about heartbreak and a return to the vices that held The Weeknd back.
Heartless is when The Weeknd is once again back to his ways, he may have been in a serious relationship but after throwing that away he spirals back to the way he once was. It’s sad but it’s one hell of a song. Speaking of brilliant songs, Faith is when Abel admits that he’s back on his vices, he states that he needs his ex back with him till the end; he’s back to self-loathing.
So when he says he’s blinded by the lights, there’s two meanings to it. The Faith outro tells us that he’s in a car with flashing lights, a cop car (as confirmed by Abel) to be exact. Then Blinding Lights tells us that while he’s watching the bright lights of Vegas pass him by he calls out for the girl that he regrets losing. That is the peak of the After Hours narrative. He’s behaving badly over the loss of the girl he loved and is now at the worst position trying to find her and gain her trust for a third time.
Following Blinding Lights is In Your Eyes, this is where The Weeknd vows not to judge her; he can see right through her but will never do anything to make her upset. Does this mean their back together? Not exactly. Save Your Tears details a sort of moving-on that The Weeknd isn’t ready for but tries to help her move on, blind to his own inability to move on. Does it work? Not really. Repeat After Me (Interlude) shows that he’s still trying to convince himself that he’s unfazed by the loss of a meaningful relationship.
Then you hear a true masterpiece. The title track is a spiral into true regret and an apology for his actions, he admits that his ex girlfriend is the only reason he lives. In a dark lonely city she’s the only one keeping him sane. But his pleas fail, Until I Bleed Out is when The Weeknd no longer wants her in his life so much so that he wants to erase his memory of anything related to her. The bonus tracks then echo the final sentiment.
It’s one sad ass album, ain’t it. But here’s where the Red Suit Character comes in.
Shoutout to the makeup department
The album isn’t the only narrative to follow with After Hours. The videos for the album follow their own sort of narrative. The story follows an unnamed guy that goes by “red suit character” according to The Weeknd.
There’s a lot of confusion and endless theories surrounding this character’s story, after The Weeknd confirmed that it’s about a decent into Hollywood culture it makes more sense… kind of. I’m gonna discuss the storyline without talking about the movies that have influenced it, this way the focus remains on the character.
The order of these videos is Heartless / Blinding Lights / Blinding Lights (Live on Kimmel)* / After Hours short film / In Your Eyes / Until I Bleed Out / Snowchild / Too Late / Live at AMAs* / Save Your Tears
*Though all live performances could count as part of the narrative, these one relate directly with the videos that follow.
He’s is first seen in Vegas with Metro Boomin (Heartless), intoxicated on various substances. He dives deeper into his high until he licks a frog, after that he faces the true effects of this high. He’s frightened by the result and runs far away from Vegas. (Blinding Lights) He’s then found in LA, where he’s dancing in the street, hypnotized by the singer, beat up by guards, and races past all those bright lights in his Benz. Ultimately realizing the shallowness of the Los Angeles fantasy.
(Blinding Lights Live on Kimmel) We then find him performing Blinding Lights live, while he attempts to find more reason in within the madness city; he couldn’t find it on the streets so he goes to the stage. (After Hours short film) Even then there’s no meaning to anything in the city, he mindlessly wanders into the depth of the subway where he’s dragged by the reality of it all and ends up possessed. (In Your Eyes) After being possessed he chases the woman whose boyfriend he just murdered, she runs into a club falls deeper into the After Hours fantasy, in a successful attempt to defend herself she beheads the red suit character and dances all over LA with his head, iconic behaviour.
(Until I Bleed Out) Then in an ethereal dreamscape, red suit character finds himself in a House of Balloons. He’s trying to escape, but the people there keep pulling him in; he’s getting higher while observing Glass Table Girls. He spirals into the antarctic, the other side of the world. From Heatless to this point in his story, his vices lead him back to the lowest point in Abel’s life. Is it Hell, Heaven or Las Vegas? (Snowchild) He relives his career up until the point where his story began. Considering he’s dead, his life basically flashed before his eyes.
(Too Late) LA girls find the red suit character’s head and live their best life. They wanna have sex with him so they find the best boy parts by calling up a stripper who could be the body. The stitch the head up with the body and do what they want. But now he’s brought back to life. (Live at AMAs) He’s had work done… He went in to get his nose fixed and the doctor said “you sure that’s all you want?” The red suit character’s face is healing while he tries to celebrate his life on top of a bridge.
(Save Your Tears) Surrounded by a masked cult he debut’s his new face. Do they like it? Are they impressed? Not instantly, their masks translate no expression so how’s he to know? Is any of this worth it? Nope red suit character continues to die inside. He finds a maskless girl in the crowd, she’s lively unlike the rest; but even then, nothing on the inside nothing on the outside. He wants death again, somehow a second chance with this city is still pointless. He tries to kill himself via the girl and himself but it’s all a facade; theatrics.
His story continues but that’s all we know so far.
The videos make a lot of film references. This post by explain these references very well, as well as past album references here (part one) and here (part two).
After Hours is inspired by a lot of movies, since Abel is in fact a cinephile. The main movies that inspired the aesthetic and storytelling are believed to be Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (1998), Casino (1995), Joker (2019), Uncut Gems (2020), and After Hours (1985). The album tells two sad narratives but remains one of The Weeknd’s best works yet. He’s expanded his videography and enhanced the interest of people who casually enjoy his music and of course his fans.
But the era isn’t over, by the time this is posted his Super Bowl Halftime show is yet to happen. And it’ll continue the red suit character’s story.
Videos for After Hours (so far)
Fun Fact—The Heartless video features a reference to Thursday. When he’s trying to run from Vegas, a sign behind him flashes “Heartless / Heaven or Las Vegas.” This could be a reference to Abel running from his past, after all Heartless is about him returning to his vices.

END.

Thank you for reading this, again, I didn’t realize it would end up being this long. But I hope this this served as a nice refresher for any fans who wanted to revisit Abel’s work before the Super Bowl.
And I really hope that anyone interested in getting into his music finds this helpful. Once again, the theories/interpretations mentioned aren’t conclusive, they’re widely based on fan discussion/mutual interpretation.
Due to the character limit I couldn’t add too links to the albums, so here are some artist links.
Apple Music | Spotify | YouTube | The Weeknd’s Shop | Tidal | Genius

What are your favorite cult-classics?

As a semi-follow-up to this thread, what are your favorite games that, although not nearly as popular and influential as they should be, you think everyone should try?
Here are 10 of my picks. I'll try to stay away from obvious choices like Pyschonauts or Beyond Good & Evil. Feel free to recommend them below, though!
In order of release:

The Lords of Midnight | 1984 | ZX Spectrum, PC, Mobile

A work of technical wizardry. I have no idea how did they put such a complex game into the (even for its time) archaic ZX Spectrum. The story is nothing to write home about: defend the lands of Midnight and fight Doomdark's (really) legions. The gameplay, on the other hand, is a great mix of strategy and role-play. You can either recruit the titular Lords of Midnight and fight an epic war, eventually sieging ~~Mordor~~ Ushgarak, or send a small party to steal and destroy the ~~One Ring~~ Ice Crown. You can even do both at the same time, diverting Doomdark's attention with your armies while one of your heroes goes for the crown — in fact, that's the approach the game manual recommends.
It's not just technically or mechanically impressive, but visually as well. It uses the limited pallet of the ZX Spectrum in a smart way, going for an ethereal look that I find aesthetically pleasing to this day. Thanks to modern ports to PC and iOS/Android, which add QOL improvements to the interface and eliminate the absurd load times, it's easy to enjoy this game nowadays.

Alter Ego | 1986 | DOS, PC, Mobile

Alter Ego is a life simulator, in the same vein of The Sims. Well, kinda, but not really. For one, it's much more down-to-earth and less comedic. You play as a single human being, from birth to death, reading little vignettes with life events (some important, some mundane) and making choices along the way. You get the whole package: you learn how to talk, embarrass your family at parties, discovers masturbation, get your first boyfriend/girlfriend, go to college, and so on.
Now, what I find really interesting about this game is how some events and decisions are surprising even for today's standards. You can die at an early age by the hands of a child abuser. You can get pregnant as a teen and have an abortion. You can even commit suicide, if your character develops depression!
I dare say that many of the events of this game would be at least controversial nowadays, given the current political climate and our modern sensibilities. But Alter Ego is not trying to be edgy or controversial. It's just trying to simulate a normal life, with boring bits and dramatic episodes getting the same space on the spotlight.

E.V.O.: Search for Eden | 1992 | SNES

A very unorthodox mix of platforming and jRPG, with unique story and gameplay. In EVO you're not a hero trying to beat a Big Bad or save the princess, but a simple life-form that has to survive and evolve. You start as a small fish in the Cambrian Period, eating jellyfish until you have enough evolution points to be able to evolve - which is done by spending said points "buying" new body parts, like better teeth or a fins.
But survival is not its own end. The "survival of the fittest" is a race with a definite goalpost, with the best and brightest life-form being able to enter Eden and become the consort of Gaia (the personification of planet Earth). The thing is, like any competition, you have to look out for cheaters. Some beings are able to take huge leaps in evolution thanks to mysterious crystals, whose origin is unknown. As the game goes on, you travel to other time periods and see more evidence of interference on evolution and Gaia's plan. Can you reach Eden, or will you die along the way as just another failed evolution?

Sub-Terrania | 1994 | Mega Drive

Shoot 'em ups are not my jam, but Sub-Terrania is The Exception to the Rule. It's like someone took a look at Asteroids or Gravitar and said, "know what it needs? To be more like Metroid!". Crazy thing is, it works. Each stage is like a micro-metroidvania, where you have to explore, find keys and shoot a bunch of aliens to proceed. Traversing the levels is a challenge in itself, since you have be careful maneuvering your ship and always take your fuel reserve into account. It's a total of 9 levels with multiple objectives and the eventual boss along the way. Very challenging, but also very fun.

King of Dragon Pass | 1999 | PC

A mix of RPG, strategy, simulation and visual novel set in a non-tolkienesque iron age fantasy world. What's not to like?
It's also a very, very hard game. As the leader of a orlanthi (human) clan in the titular Dragon Pass, you have to deal with internal, external and even supernatural problems all the time. To approach KoDP as a traditional strategy game is to doom yourself. The only way to succeed is by understand the culture of orlanthi society and act accordingly. Should we raid or neighbors or show mercy? Is banishment a just punishment for adultery? What about our ancestors, what's their view on slavery or friendly relations with dragons? These are just some of the decisions you have to make as a clan leader - and a single mistake can put all your people in jeopardy.
But even if you do everything "right", the good ol' RNG can destroy your progress in a heartbeat. You're just one bad harvest away from famine - or, most likely, one bad sacrifice away from a curse or zombies.
It's all very challenging, sometimes even downright stressful, but also very much worth it. Finally uniting the orlanthi tribes and becoming the King of Dragon Pass is a experience I'll never forget.

Vagrant Story | 2000 | PS1

Probably the most well known game in this list. I have to confess, it's not a game for everyone. It has a very unique combat that mixes real-time, turns, 3D maneuvering and elemental strengths/weaknesses, an absurdly complex crafting system, a plot centered on political intrigue and conspiracy and a visual style that deviates from your typical anime-esque jRPG. It's hard, complex, obtuse and old. But it's also one of the most creative and well-made jRPGs I've ever played.

Ninja Five-O | 2003 | GBA

An action-platformer that screams "Ninja Gaiden" or "Shinobi". It's just as hard as these classics, but I dare say it's also a much smarter game. If you don't think before you act, you're gonna have a bad time. Not that the game gives you much time to think, mind you. You're always at your edge, at the same time reacting and planning your next move. Just like a... Ninja.

Astro Boy: Omega Factor | 2003 | GBA

I love Astro Boy and at first was reluctant to play this adaptation. Well, it's not just an excellent tribute to Tezuka's work, but an awesome game on its own - although I recommend the game specially if you're a fan of Osamu Tezuka.
The game has an excellent audio-visual aesthetic (almost bringing the GBA down on its knees) and a cool beat 'em up/shmup gameplay (it was developed by Treasure, after all). But the true high point is the plot. Goddamnit, what an incredible story. The first ending was a big mindfuck, and the true ending a genuine tearjerker. I wasn't expecting such a strong narrative from this game and was pleasantly surprised.

Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia | 2008 | NDS

Castlevania is quite popular, but Order of Ecclesia is an often forgotten installment of the series, even among the fans of the GBA/NDS games. Which is a shame, since it does some unique things for the series and is, in my humble opinion, the best Castlevania since Symphony of the Night.
OoE tries to mix the action-oriented style of oldschool Castlevanias with the exploration-focused experience of the post-SotN era. The world is divided in smaller stages, which one being a mini-metroidvania map on its own. Some stages are more direct and linear, while others are full of secrets and have to be revisited once you get new abilities. Some people complained that this approach simplified things too much, but I felt it was a nice change, with levels still requiring exploration and being well designed.
Another notable change is in the challenge. The difficulty is substantially higher than the previous installments, more closely resembling the unforgiving experience from the NES and SNES (although not to the same infuriating degree).
And to top it off, the art direction returned to the gothic style last seen in Aria of Sorrow, abandoning the generic anime-like aesthetic from the two previous games. Thank God.

Samorost 3 | 2016 | PC, Mobile

Originally this post would be about point-and-click adventures, but I decided to recommend just this one. I feel that if I don't, no one will. It's by fair the most recent game on this list, too, so maybe calling it a "cult-classic" is forcing it. Maybe we could consider it a "modern cult-classic", instead? I digress.
Maybe you already played another point-and-click adventure made by Amanita Design, Machinarium. Well, Samorost is the prettier, crazier, more charming cousin. I wouldn't be surprised if the devs actually used amanita before making this game. It plays as your standard point-and-click: get things, combine things, use things. But the things you get, combine and use came from some psychedelic, drug-induced trip.
Although crazy, I wouldn't say it's cryptic. The puzzles make sense in context and you can beat it in a couple of hours or a long afternoon at most. It's a short and sweet experience and a delight for eyes and ears.
Tl;dr: Samorost is The Secret of Monkey Island for cool kids.
N.b.: Samorost 1 and 2 are cool too, but not as cool as 3.
N.b. 2: if you think Samorost 3 is too young to be on the list, you can replace it with I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream.
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What about you, fellow patient gamers? What are some cult-classics you recommend?

Cinemassacre Producer, Justin Silverman... AMA

I wanted to clear the air a little bit, especially with Mike leaving the channel he created.

First off, this is the real Justin. I know there's been a lot of fake Screenwave people on here over the years, but... I think you'll tell from my post that it's me. It's going to be too inside-baseball to be faked. Plus, mod GreatBowser confirmed it in Twitter DM.

I also wanted to do an AMA for a while, was going to do one on Facebook in that Assposting group... but they started contacting family members on my Facebook profile and stuff. So... I left all Cinemassacre fan groups I was in and locked my profile down. I feel that this subreddit is probably the best place for the AMA... since you guys clearly care about the channel a lot and wouldn't hold back any punches. I was on here a few years ago. But, I jumped ship pretty quickly and didn't really engage after that, or even lurk. I would get sent threads from time to time. Yet, over the years I noticed the Truth went from heavy trolling and hyperbole, to more shitposting and constructive criticism. That's something I can get behind. Plus, you guys aren't going away... and Screenwave isn't going away. So, I wanted to meet in the middle.

I wanted to step out in front of a lot of your questions. Answer them for you. I am going to use the Megathread and newer top posts to pull questions from. (But, feel free to ask stuff below. I'll only be monitoring this thread the next week or so, if that's alright.)

Lastly, I do not speak for James, Mike, Ryan, Screenwave Media, or the other guys... it's just how I see things, or what I know personally.

Who owns Cinemassacre now? Screenwave Media?
James owns it. I don't know the specifics after that or with the AVGN movie, but I know Screenwave Media owns 0% of any of it. We only have a stake in the AVGN games we produce. Yes, we take a percentage of monthly revenue, like we do other partners on the network... but we don't have any control of the Cinemassacre company... OR have any creative control. James can do whatever he wants with both. He decides to work with us, and we like working for him.

So, do the Screenwave guys work for Cinemassacre or what?
"The Slobs," as we are called (thanks for that) don't have any creative control or financial stake, as said before. We are just employees of Screenwave Media. Hell, Cinemassacre isn't even my full time thing here. I do a lot of producing of our games and social media content, plus direction for the company kinda stuff. Tony and Kieran are the only full-time employees at Screenwave working for Cinemassacre... and that is mostly writing, filming, and editing.

Why wasn't there a better way to introduce "The Slobs"?
That's the last time I'll call us the slobs, haha. Honestly, we probably should've introduced ourselves better. Mind you, we were working on the channel for a while at that point... and, when you're James or whatever, you're already really acquainted with us... so, when Tony slips into that Halloween 6 review or we start doing Rental Reviews, it doesn't really come to your mind to roll out the red carpet and send out flyers to everyone, because you assume people follow his socials where we're mentioned or at conventions or whatever... you just kinda do it... which, I don't think people would have cared too much about... if it wasn't for the departure of Kyle and Bootsy still stinging.

What about Kyle and Bootsy then???
I started working for Screenwave in 2015... and on Cinemassacre in late 2017... so, I wasn't really there for the behind the scenes of Kyle and Bootsy. I met the guys a bunch beforehand though. I like the guys now too. You also know I did the stupid AVGN Roast in 2013... and I think I gave them that cake/award thing at TooManyGames the year before too... so, I knew Kyle and Bootsy well enough and we'd talk at after parties and whatever. Only saying that because I just want to put it out there that I don't harbor any animosity for them. None of us do. I'd like to work with them in the future if it's ever possible. Oh, and if you watch the Silvermania 2016 MAGfest video you'll see Bootsy. Really surprised none of you saw that yet... anyway... yeah, no idea why there was a falling out 100%. I know Kyle wanted to get more involved with his contracting company... and Mike and Bootsy had a falling out. Friends sometimes do, especially when they start working together and being in business together. All I know is what Mike posted publicly a while ago. Be cool to see them again one day regardless.

Why did Mike leave?
I think he was pretty clear about it in his reddit post. We were planning 2021 and I guess Mike was feeling disconnected for a while... and honestly, loves to stream on Twitch. So, it just made sense for him to bounce. All the old stuff he made is still there, and I guess there's some burnout mixed with enjoying his new thing. I don't blame him. Yes, James barely talked about it in the update video... but, Mike specifically didn't want a huge send off or too much said about it. So, James said as much as Mike wanted him too. That simple.

What about all the Mike drama over the years?
Same with the Kyle/Bootsy stuff. I wasn't around for it. I know as much as you know, maybe less. I think Mike has apologized for all of it... so, I am going to leave it there. I have no problems with Mike, he's always been good to me. Hoping to stream with him eventually from time to time or just hang out.

Why doesn't James write the AVGN episodes anymore?
Well, he does... and he doesn't. It's collaborative. Sometimes we play all the games together, sometimes just he does. Sometimes we'll come up with an outline for a script and he fills it in, sometimes it's the reverse. Sometimes he comes up with ideas for games, sometimes we do. It's so back and forth that I can't really separate it at this point... I understand they don't feel like stuff from back in the day... but, not much you can do about that. He's older, back in the GameTrailers day he had something to prove. I think the movie burned him out... plus his family life and side projects. It takes its toll, I think we were moving in a good direction but Covid kinda fucked stuff up, for all of us. Our goal is to make 2021 a great Nerd year. We have been working on the plan for a while now with more time to focus on writing, acting, all that. I think 2020 had us flying by the seat of our pants. I was editing stuff 24 hours straight sometime. Sorry if it doesn't seem that way, haha. We put a lot of time and effort into making what we can, but we want to improve and we want the content to improve.

What's with all the brand deals and lack of cursing?
As you know, YouTube is a minefield of demonetization, limited ads, and de-platforming. We're trying our best to make the channel money and keep views up. The brand deals really help, because a lot of our content gets limited ads, especially the older stuff. As you know, our backlog is huge. Cursing in the first minute is an instant limited ads. Which hurt money, sure, BUT it also makes the algorithm push you less. So, if a YKWBS gets limited ads it'll get half the views it would normally get, or less... so, we had to make these changes to stay afloat. Even the AVGN theme gets pinged... that's why a lot of AVGN episodes did worst this year (aside from whatever quality issues you have)... Bad Final Fight Games got limited ads because the Nerd said "blue balls," and that's too sexual. See what I mean? If we get hit, it kills views. So... we do brand deals, we put the theme after a minute, we changed it to BS in the front... if not, views would suffer, and future stuff would be pushed less and less. It's weird. Sure, we could do a Patreon and all that, but views would still suffer. And, we never want to just take your money... if skipping forward in a video is all you have to do, whatever. If you want to support us, merch is the best way to do that. And yes, James gets most of the profit from merch. It's not us running some scam.

Why are the Screenwave guys such SLOBS?? (Oops, used it again.)
I don't want to talk about how Ryan, Kieran, or Tony (from Hack the Movies) feel... but, I know Kieran really took a lot of the stuff here to heart. Especially after the years of fat jokes, caveman jokes, and people pretending to be his dead father. He went off the edge a few times. I think he's in a way better place now, and I think he's really been taking good care of himself. Shit, I lost 80 pounds this year but gained a lot of it back when the world started opening back up... that's the thing about being fat your whole life. It's hard to dig yourself out, it's easy to diet and exercise if you're already thinner. I was fat in like kindergarten, those habits and addictions just continue on with you. Plus, food has always been a comfort for me. Not to go into a sob story, but my Mom died in '99 because of drugs and stuff... and I grew up with 3 sisters across multiple states in a poor family... and, being teased your entire life just goes on and on. Honestly, if you're 20 pounds overweight or 200... it feels the same when you're ridiculed, so, what's the difference, just get bigger, you'll never be small enough to not catch shit. I mean, not to go into my psychology or whatever, sorry... BUT, my goal is to get healthy in 2021... it's a "rebuilding year" for me... that's a sports term. I mean, I doubt it'll affect my personality much... so, if that's your problem, then shit... but, clearly us slobs don't want to be slobs. Even Tony (from hack the movies) and Ryan have been working on themselves too... plus, I always put others before me... from work, to family, to my girlfriend... I'm usually the last stop. Any advice or whatever you guys wanna give, please do. My Twitter DMs are always open.

Coat-tail riding MUCH??
I mean? Not really? Not sure how much fame we can get out of this. It's just our job, and we like helping James and shooting the shit on the internet. Plus, I had two failed YouTube shows before working with Cinemassacre (why the fuck did they hire me??) so, I don't really care about the clout. It's cool when people high-five us at conventions and other content creators give us the nod... but, we're just trying to make videos, build up Screenwave more, and keep James making the content he wants to make. That's it. I mean, hasn't really helped Hack the Movies much (LOL).

What do you think of the AVGN movie?
It's alright. I think it could be better here and there, but it's really hard to make a movie. Anyway, back when it was being planned... I was trying to get James to do it locally, with the Underbelly guys and people I knew into film. Do it cheap. But, I also understand wanting to make a big movie in Hollywood. That's a dream. Anyway, at the end of the day, I hope James gets to make another movie one day. I really liked his horror script, but clearly that's on the backburner if not cancelled... but, my goal is to get something to happen one day for him.

Now I wanted to dive a bit into my past...

Why do you defend Bob and still talk to him to this day?
So, as you might know, Bob (who used to be on my old YouTube show Silvermania) was busted for having child porn several years ago, after we stopped working together anyway. He went to jail for a year and has since been off the grid. I don't talk to him anymore and I completely cut ties. I've talked about the matter before, saying he "did his time" and stuff. Which, I meant like... I don't want to dogpile on a guy whose life is completely ruined... and who already fucked up a ton. I wanted him to get the help he needs and never work with him again. But, as I said before, I haven't talked to him in years and I don't plan to.

Why did you make fun of Total Biscuit's cancer?
I regret everything that happened between Silvermania and TB. The short version, is we were invited on his podcast accidentally. They thought we were another show... my original show Underbelly, I think... which was a really different thing, and we were frustrated our YouTube network at the time (MakeTGS) didn't know the difference. Silvermania was me and my old roommate, who posted on here a few times as you know. They wouldn't let us on together and kept asking questions before the show about Underbelly and stuff that didn't pertain to us, but whatever. Watch it, it even says UnderbellyShow under my face. Things went south really quick... and honestly, I shouldn't have been a dickbag on the call... but, as I said, it was weird from the get-go. The energy was really off between all of us on the call, and I just played into being the bad guy. Anyway, we got kicked off the podcast halfway through and a wave of TB fans started attacking us for months. Now, there were like 5 people with access to the Silvermania YouTube at the time... plus I think mods and stuff. So, I'm not sure who did it. Hell, it could've been me under the influence. I drank way too much back then... anyway, someone made fun of TB's cancer down the road and it's been screen-grabbed and passed around. I mean, there's not too much context to it... aside from just being a shitty thing to say because we felt burned by the guy and his fans. Anyway, after that I met with him at a convention and we put it past us. He never actually saw the insult. I was really upset when I heard he passed, I always liked him and his content. Especially all the PC gaming stuff.

Why did you post "I'm a pedo, watch out" on Twitter?
AH, right. I know that sounds like foreshadowing about the Bob stuff, but it wasn't. Back then, I think it was 2013... I didn't really use Twitter much. We had the SilvermaniaShow handle... which connected directly to our Facebook fan page. So, if we posted on Facebook, it would auto-post to Twitter. Also back then, we would have huge parties at our apartment and stuff, like 50 people would show up once a month... a lot of friends and fans of the show too. Anyway, someone "hacked" our Facebook account... as in, went on the computer that was playing music, typed that in as a joke, and hit send. We immediately deleted it... but, we forgot it auto-posts to Twitter and forgot about it. Anyway, when the show ended... I changed the handle from SilvermaniaShow to JustySilverman, the one I am using now, making it my personal account. But, the wayback machine or whatever, just makes it look like my current profile said he's a pedo. That's the story. Someone was playing a joke, it went to Twitter, and we didn't realize it. I am not a pedo, but sadly, I worked with one for a while... well, kinda, Bob was kinda a guest on the show more than a member.

Why did you make such shitty/troll content anyway back then?
Man, it's been a real rollercoaster... if I knew back then what I know now... I think Underbelly or Silvermania would have made it... I let too many cooks in the kitchen, let friends have business control or creative whatever... I should've just been a solo act and just made fun shit... I mean, I think we did a lot of good stuff too... like, Underbelly was partnered with ScrewAttack and Normal Boots for a time... we were with the first ever YouTube network... but, all that pivoting fucked the channel up because of release schedules or what they wanted us to make... the production has always been good... Underbelly was the first YouTube channel with every video being in full 1080p back in 2010... but then we deleted every video and reuploaed them because our network needed us to for whatever reason... just a ton of issues... from back-end stuff to it not being fun anymore... to seeing others soar with similar content... it made me bitter. Which led to Silvermania becoming a weapon of trolling. I always skimmed the surface of making YouTube successful for me... hell, we pissed a LOT of content creators off too... I am STILL rebuilding those bridges even with being on Cinemassacre. I was just pissed off at the world and thought I knew better... when, we should've been focused on making fun stuff consistently and less toxic. That simple. Trying to do that now I guess.

Why did you say the N-word?
I really regret this. I mean, even without cancel culture and all that. It was just stupid. The one time was back in 2012, on YouTube, and was part of a skit where I was saying the N-word was actually "Nerd," because of the Big Bang Theory or some point I was making about Nerds being taken advantage of or whatever by Hollywood... it was a really dumb comparison. I even had my black roommate in the video with me to sell the joke... it was dumb, but edgy humor was cool at the time. I have since removed the video and apologized. The other time was just being a drunk-comedian with my friends trying to say the most fucked up stuff possible, same year. Kinda like when Kramer from Seinfeld did that dumb stand-up routine when he said it. But, I guess my ex-roommate decided to record it and post it this year for clout. That said... I am not a racist, I've never said anything remotely racist after the fact, and never from a place of hate. I'm a pretty liberal guy, not that it matters. But, I apologize, clearly won't ever happen again... and hasn't in 8 years.

Why are you dressed as a Klansman next to Nazi and confederate flag?
Whoops! Okay, this is a bad look. I can see this coupled with the N-word thing looking really bad... or being a Jewish guy next to a swastica. Clearly, this was a skit. The flags were from a WW2 and Civil War reenactment troop I knew, someone has to play the bad guys and their gear was really authentic. I don't own racist or facist flags. (Though, I kinda want a Mobile Infantry flag from Starship Troopers.) People share the photo around, but never notice the game collection behind me or the minture Hitler on my shoulder... it was a skit we filmed, but never fully released, and has since been taken down... it was part of our Lost Episodes clip-show. The joke was that I'm the "Racist Video Game Nerd," because everyone else on YouTube already picked all the names to sound more like AVGN. Like the Sad Video Game Nerd or whatever. So, the "RVGN" was going to review a game, then get thwarted by a group of racially diverse characters... so... just a stupid skit... that was never fully finished because we knew it was bad. Plus, the RVGN is the bad guy... he's shown in a negative light.

Okay, I think that'll answer a bunch of questions you may have... so, yeah. AMA.
Oh, and sorry if I blocked you on Twitter or whatever. I'll add you back if you want.

[EDIT]

I will get to EVERYONE'S QUESTIONS, there are just a ton and I like to work and sleep and eat and shit.

Welcome to Premier League standard commentary training.

In order to become a qualified commentator, you must learn to do all of the following;

Whenever James Ward Prowse touches the ball, you have to say he's the best dead ball specialist in the league.
Always mention the size of Jack Grealish's calves
Whenever commentating on Spurs, mention how nice the new stadium is.
Always mention that Mesut Ozil could solve a creativity problem for arsenal.
In every Man United game randomly say the phrase 'noisey neighbours'
"AND IT'S LIVE."
In every Leeds match explain how Bielsa knows everything about football ever
"You feel like the first goal could be important in this game" within the first 10 minutes.
Tell everyone that a particular player 'knows where the goal is'.
Use the phrase 'messi-esque'.
"if that hit the target he would have scored"
"he HAS to hit the target there"
"he needs to test the keeper"
Make sure you refer the Raheem Sterling as having 'genuine' pace.
Always tell viewers that any other player will do well to beat Kyle Walker in a foot race.
It's a game of two halves (towards end of a bad first half)
Everton have a good squad on paper.
"this could be a cricket score" if any team scores more than once in the first 30 minutes.
Mark Noble is a no nonsense player.
Its a game of two halves (any time near the start of the second half)
Whenever a player hits row z, say "he does have it in his locker". If its a fanbase you think are shit and want to wind up instead say "he hasn't got his shooting boots on' (he was leaning back too far).
Xhaka is fucking useless and it's ok to say it.
If any player is slightly out of position you must always describe that as" schoolboy defending "
Any free kick must be described as "Beckham territory", unless it is ward prowse taking it, who is obviously better than Beckham as the best dead ball specialist in the league.
Needs to beat the first man (at every corner.)
A chance for the defender to come up (also at every corner)
Any scrap is 'a bit of handbags'
Seriously where the fuck is Ozil?
Mo Salah is jesus incarnate and make sure you say it everytime he is near a football, regardless of when or where or even if he is actually playing or not.
Describe Kevin De Bruyne as mercurial
Always be shocked that Harry Kane can also pass.
As soon as Man United are in added time, say they are in 'Fergie time'.
"No one on the end of it" as if Attackers should be able to teleport to another useless Bellarin cross.
"I've seen them given" to literally any foul not called.
Say 'hes unplayable" about any player that gets past another player even only once.
Describe any small foreign player as 'such a clever player'
You couldn't write it! About any match where something happened.
Traore has really bulked up
2-nil is a dangerous lead.
There's no easy games at this level.
It's a funny old game.
Seriously, Xhaka is fucking shit.
Southampton lost 9-0. REMEMBER? REMEMBER???
"Back in my day that kind of tackle was totally acceptable HAHAHA soft game now" after any leg break/concussion/murder.
He's too honest there. If he goes down he gets a penalty.
Every free kick where they don't immediately shoot "straight off the training ground that one"
Above all, remember you have ultimate power to control the outcome of any match by use of the 'commentators curse'.
Puns totally not intended are encouraged as much as possible Rob Holding the ball. Isaac Success. Or not in this case. Michael was Keane to clear that one.
Harry Winks passes the ball "tidy little player"
Mahrez cuts inside. "trademark move from Mahrez". Son runs. "trademark run from son." vardy scores any goal "trademark goal from vardy.
De Bruyne misses a pass. "uncharacteristic". Any other midfielder misses a pass "sloppy".
Man sent off? "It's ofter harder to play against 10 men".
Any foul throw "well my DAUGHTER could have done better" (remember to be sexist wherever possible but NEVER Racist looking at you Ron).
"The keeper will be disappointed with conceding at his near post" as a shot breaks the net at 182mph and snaps cudicinis wrists worse that he did on that motorbike crash.
Player touches ball twice in 5 minutes; "He’s really growing into the game.” Dele Alli touches ball twice in 5 mins;" he needs to stop dwelling on the ball".
Shane Long runs. A lot.
"You can see what he was trying to do." as Pogba spanks a shot out for a throw in.
Fuck, I didn't know West Brom were in the prem. It's great to see Jake Livermore off the crack
Welcome to Craven Cottage. A beautiful historic ground.
Make sure you refer to Gareth Bales left foot as 'cultured'.
James Milner is a real utility player. A wealth of experience.
Max Kilman used to play futsal. Max Kilman used to play futsal. FUTSAL. MAX. LISTEN TO ME.
Always mention that Man City's bench is worth more than all of the Royal properties.
If any team has a lead in the dying minutes, remind the fan base of all the times they lost a lead in the dying minutes.
Cheers Geoff.
During an Wolves match: Don't forget Aston Villa are playing and doing better right now!
"it's end to end stuff!" or "it's like a basketball match".
There's been a Red card Kammy?
"Nice"
NEVER admit you have no idea what the handball rule is.
Always advise players that they should have 'held their run' to stay inside. Alternatively if the midfielder is on your shit list, blame them for not releasing the ball fast enough (Eg. Xhaka, what a cock).
"That sums it up really" after any shit moment by the losing team near the end
"ooh, did that cross the line?" "ooh did he keep it in?" "ooh he did well to keep it in".
Is that a corner? Yes.
They are really turning the screw.
Here's Webster. Dunk. Passes to Lamptey. Gross now. White. Into welbeck. Gross. Bissouma. SOLLY MARCH. back to white. Maupay.
Fulham really need a result here.
Remember when West Ham were dogshit against Spurs but somehow scored three absolute worldies? No? Its OK, we can remind you again later.
Aston Villa have existed since 1874. Amazing. Here's tons of other dates thst have no bearing on anything and no one cares about. 27th of September 1992 (xhakas birthday).
Fellaini is gone so ALWAYS mention David Luis' hair.
Not the same without fans is it?
About any shit team; "they are in a period of transition"
Anytime Shawcross gets away with murder; "I never like to criticise the referees but..."
Jose farts in an uncontrolled manner. "mourinho mind games".
Sheffield United dominate and somehow lose 3-0 to dodgy decisions; these things even out over the season.
Bamford scores again Chelsea; "It had to be him"
Aubameyang runs "frightening pace".
Tired player? Describe his pace as 'pedestrian'.
Surely a booking?
This game really needs a goal.
Whenever a player misses a sitter, make sure you explain how he will have nightmares about that tonight (under his Egyptian cotton sheets while his supermodel misses messages his inner thighs).
If a players name ends in a vowel, and he scores you know what to dooooooOooooo lamelaaaaaaaaaa agueroooo firmin-wait. Not that one.
N'golo Kante touches the ball "the best cdm is dah wurllddddd"
Lads, has anyone ever seen Ole and gollum in the same room?
Oh, Scott Parker is out of his technical area. Now he's turned on the spot. And he's turned back the other way. And now he's passed it to Tom Carroll who is on the line...
Connor Coady used to play for Liverpool.
"Lets get Peter Waltons thoughts on that penalty. Peter?"..... "I don't fucking know, c*nt".
No Jermaine, no one is ever going to call you JJ you knob.
I'm not a homosexual Jim, but I wish more women were like Virgil Van Dijk.
Always refer to Son Heung Min as 'The Korean'.
"Wolves are very much a second half team.".. "perhaps they need a more reliable bus driver, Arlo?".
"two keepers wouldn't have saved that".
Christian Pulisic is good AND American. He's an American guys wtf can you believe it?
Frank Lampard was a good player. Will he be a good coach?
Ole Gunnar Solskaeiouoear was a good player. Will he be a good coach?
Mikael Arteta was a good player. Will he be a good coach?
GERRARD! (?)
WHAT A BRILLIANT YOUNG MANAGER EDDIE HOWE IS relegated? Huh? Really?
There's John Terry, looking confused about how clipboards work.
A towering header from Mings
"Teams do love to play it out from the back these days"
Kepa was expensive af.
What a fantastic talent Lallana is, shame about the always fuckin injured thing.
Are they going to regret missing those 73 chances?
You heard about Kaspers dad, Peter? Even he would have been proud of that save.
Podence the midfield dynamo, looks lively tonight.
A lot of passing but no penetration.
Always say "If that had happened in the box it would have been a penalty".
Always always say "If that had not happened in the box it would have been given".
Always talk about the 442 as if its the girlfriend that got away. You miss it so deeply it hurts.
Any shit player "he's really lacking confidence".
Here's Leroy Sane, who didn't make the 2018 world cup team.
Remember you're fucking old, so refer to the goal as 'the woodwork'
Any player over the age of 30 must be referred to as vastly experienced.
Trent Alexander Arnold once took a corner, make sure it's referred to every game.
Steve Bruce demands more of his players.
We are also confused about which foot is Andros Townsends best foot.
Always say 'in and around'. He needs to get in and around the box. They have been in and around the top 6.

Hi. Given that this is a thread about clichés, thanks for all the awards kind strangers
Fuck how can people write that shit non ironically.
It's like the Granit Xhaka of sentences.
Edit.
Woke up to 10k upvotes, shit the bed... Thanks my bros.
Don't give gold, give money to the London Hospital burns unit. Xhaka just got brought in and he's in a fucking horrific state and they could use all the money they can get.

New GME member orientation before blast off: The squeeze has not been squoze (💎🙌 = 🚀🚀🚀)

This is a compilation DD for you new simps out there trying to become chad GME investors and grow 1/1000th the dick that DeepFuckingValue has. This post will cover the basics of how we got here and answer some of your simmering questions that I see flooding daily discussions.

TLDR: Hold the line and buy the dip give the glorious finger to these greedy corporates. Remember 💎🙌 = 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

GameStop History Lesson:

tldr: GME bumbles about like a senile boomer and dabbles in terrible bets. Turns into undervalued stock with cultural significance, gets picked up by Big Dick Burry and Ryan Chewy Cohen.
GME is a childhood dream that turns any grown man into an autist as soon as he walks into the door. Now due to our Lady Rona (covid), a bunch of past Boomer business decisions (GME fucking bough 507 AT&T stores in 2014, not pivoting into omni-channel, largely misssing the gaming industry explosion, and a CEO who prides himself on brick and morter Advance auto parts, Best Buy, Target, Home depot) GME by and large was shitting the bed as investors thought of this company as neglected mallfront with dwindling clientele.

In comes Michael big dick Burry
With the stock trading at $3.78/share in August 2019 investers were sure it was finished. But here's where it gets interesting. With big dick energy seemingly out of no where Michael Burry (yes that dude in the Big Short who seems like a fellow autist) buys 2,750,000 shares or 3.05% of GameStock. In his actual letter to the board (yes I dug it up so you can read it as well) he describes the thought process for the purchase bullets below.

GameStop was trading at an all-time low ($3.78/share) and he believed that it had not leveraged it's "elite potision in the gaming universe" over the last 5 years (keep in mind, it's fucking GameStop a cultural icon large enough to make a grown man weep with fond memories
Shareholders do not have faith in current managament and have not been inspired by new leadership policies
At time of writing stocks were more than 60% shorted

(Taking a break to say, it's not too late the squeeze has not been squoze oblig 💎🙌 = 🚀🚀)

Ryan mega dick Cohen writes a letter
Then in Nov 16th 2020, Ryan Cohen comes in swinging and tears a new one to the board members of GameStop. For people who don't know who Ryan Cohen is, he stuck the finger to Amazon and built a digital e-commerce site) (wiki link) for fucking dogs and cats into a $3.35 billion entity by 2017. Keep in mind that he submitted a Schedule 13D to purchase 121,644 shares at $6.56 per and 163,030 at $8.63 - that's a 10% stake (yes, I've also dug the original Schedule 13d using google). Now Ryan's letter reads like a solid talking down that might rival the Queen - looking at you TheCrownNetflix, AskUK.
I've included Ryan's letter to the board but will bullet point paraphrase below for you folks still on Yahoo or Ask Jeeves.

GME has a strong brand across the globe and has 55 million PowerUp members
GME needs to pivot immediately to a tech structure and it can (lolz, after this letter they immediately brought Ryan and Chewy co onto board)
Size of the global gaming market has grown more than 2.5x since the last console cycle

Ryan mega dick Cohen and team join GameStop board
In January 2021 Ryan Cohen, Alan Attal, and Jim Grube join GME's board. Now for those of you in the bread line or living at your wife's mothers house playing DnD with her boyfriend, board changes are big news. These board members have the power to make multiple grown men cry, fire CEOs like it's nothing and change a companies strategy sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.
With Papa Cohen coming onboard and his squad of Chewy troopers, it's likely that we are going to soon see a pimped out GameStop that will make you name your first born "GME". Now I'll let you do your own digging and reading but here's just some of the GME DD on it's future potential (link to DD on some of GME's possible pivots, One DD to rule them all)

The squeeze has NOT been squoze:

There is still time for you to convince your wife's girlfriend to lend you money to buy GME. The squeeze has not been squoze and likely wont until we see the type of eruption that accompanied belledelphineXmas leaks (yes that sub is NSFW).
Side note on the Squeeze, GME is still massively over shorted at estimates from 130-300% and counting. The important thing to know is that these greedy bastards took multiple short positions on a single stock (naked) and essentially bet that GME was going to go down.
https://financhill.com/most-heavily-shorted-stocks-today (249.67% Shorted)

But what happened on Thursday/Friday?
Gamma squeeze. Short and simple. Now you can read some other DD about what a gamma squeeze so I wont dive into it too much.
It was not the squeeze. Market makers needed to rush to fill calls that were In The Money. This prompted these market makers to buy up stock in the off chance that they needed to actually sell them to degens who were actually betting that GME would blow it's sweet load at 60 and now at 150 lolz. This pared with the low stock volume on the market makes for high volitility on a per stock basis. Here's some DD links talking about what a Gamma squeeze what we witnessed was that.

Ok MallCop2020, but when will it Squeeze? (when it does squeeze it may squeeze multiple times)
Thanks to fellow autist u/tsukune_surprise (and no, CNBC I don't even know this person - they could be a robot or even a fucking dog with a cybor implant IDK!) BUT I love their DD for the MOASS (Mother of All Short Squeeze). Short answer is that it could be this week, could be next but it's hard to say when the big banks are using dirty tricks like naked call ladders, actual bail outs lolz. (Fresh DD from another internet stranger on GME EndGame Part 3)

EVERY SINGLE indicator shows massive upward momentum on GME.
GME momentum is going to create a massive upward feedback loop. The combination of options gamma squeeze, available float, and short interest makes it impossible for shorters to escape.
Normally, shorters deep underwater could hedge their losses by buying call options.
But buying call options decreases the float and the only tightens the squeeze. It’s like fighting against quicksand for the shorters.
This GME squeeze is going to be historic because of the compounding effect of options and short interest.
This could be bigger than the VW/Porsche infinity squeeze. But it’s completely different from VW – so don’t draw too many comparisons.

Okay, I've asked my wife's girlfriend nicely and now have $1k...
Buy fucking shares. No legit, support your random internet brethren (who don't know each other) and buy shares of GameStop. Every share you buy bleeds money from Citron and Melvin.
Here's an explanation from u/robert1032010 a Hedge Fund Manager on the current short position within GME: (A hedge fund managers perspective on GME)

The short positions of this issue appears (although I can't be certain) to exceed 100% with all available shares already lent out from marginal accounts and probably a lot of naked shorting going on as well. Although I don't yet have the current data on todays short position, I can say for certain the stock remains very heavily shorter, perhaps more so now than at any previous time. Today, I called my broker asking about the availability of shares to short and the borrow costs. We have one of the larger accounts at our brokers firm and I was able to speak directly to the "hard to borrow" desk. No borrowable shares are available at any broker, anywhere, at this time, even for high borrow costs or even from other brokers. This extreme short against a small common float, made more extreme no-doubt by naked shorting, could end very poorly for those short this issue. As they are forced to close out their positions, the stock will continue to rise and continue to exacerbate the positive effects the rising price has on the above 4 issues.

Lastly, this is not financial advice; do your own DD. I'm holding $20k at $100/share and yes, I still fucking believe that the tendieman will come and rain tendies.
Oblig:
💎🙌 = 🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀🚀

Are they emotionally unavailable or just not that into you?

My fellow hopeless romantics,
I want to give you some insight into the world of emotional unavailability and hopefully save you some serious heartbreak, hurt and frustration down the line.
What I have concluded in the following is a conglomeration of personal experiences, my friend’s experiences, recently having started looking into psychology, learning attachment styles and having done extensive research.
Now, whether someone is emotionally unavailable or just not that into you doesn’t truly matter because - both bring the same results. But often times I see and hear people claim “being emotionally unavailable is just an excuse cause they aren’t into you”, and this is absolutely FALSE.
Someone can be truly emotionally unavailable and into you, and someone can be just not that into you but that doesn’t mean that they are emotionally unavailable.
Humans are such complex creatures and emotions exist on such a wide spectrum that it is impossible to box people into a/b. Yet, most people seem to have this idea that emotionally unavailable people are cold-hearted heartbreakers and manipulators.
It’s VITAL to know that emotionally unavailable people have deep-rooted insecurities, fears and issues that stem from past traumas in either relationships or (most times) childhood. It’s even MORE vital to be able to recognize people who are emotionally unavailable and run for the hills. (Lol)
I will take my best friend and my ex as examples for people who are both textbook emotionally unavailable/avoidant,dismissively attached.
Signs of an EU (emotionally unavailable) person:

They avoid confrontation at all times/cost and get defensive when you bring up conflict
They go hot and cold/play games/are inconsistent
They keep you at arms length and emphasize their need for space
They set extreme boundaries and empathize their independence
They are unwilling to compromise and are very self-centered/everything has to be their way
They start pulling away once things get more serious/distance themselves
They keep conversations at surface level and never really share their emotions/often use sarcasm to brush over an emotional moment/situation
They don’t tell you intimate details about their past, and despite being with them for x months/years you feel like you don’t really know them
THEY TELL YOU

The consensus is that EU people are incapable of dealing with emotions and accompanying/accepting others’ emotions. (Disclaimer!: Just because your dinner date isn’t very emotionally expressive doesn’t mean he/she is EU, and vice versa.)
My best friend is an extremely emotional person and she is also highly emotionally intelligent. She is very self-reflective and aware of what she and others feel. Same goes for my Ex. EU people are very capable of opening up/making you feel seen and heard and generally being a good partner (at least in the beginning). Many of them actually crave intimacy and WANT to love/be loved, and they will therefor keep relationships going as long as it is at a surface level and somewhat commitment-free. In reality they have hurt and trauma from e.g. childhood neglect, strained parent relationships, relationship abuse, trust misuse etcetera, which makes it incredibly hard, if not impossible, for them to truly connect with you on a deeper level, take the relationship further or develop/accept deep feelings for you.
My best friend who is THE most EU tells me all the time how she can always feel herself putting up a wall/emotional barrier with new dating prospects once things develop. She says she literally gets filled with panic and anxiety and just wants to cut all ties and run away. She will do silly things like start flirting with other guys just to prove to herself, and her date, that there is no attachment/commitment and to keep her options open, because she simply can’t deal with it. She wants to be loved and love someone but she always says that she is so terrified of letting people close, and them potentially hurting her, that she wants to make sure that she is never put in a position where anyone could hurt her. She plays games in her relationships in order to remain in control and wants the validation that them continuing to try and gain her attention/approval/love brings. From the outside she seems like this incredibly strong, charismatic, has-it-all, beautiful woman but in reality she has very low self-esteem, which is why she is doing these things. (She is very well aware of her low self-esteem and all these issues) She has messed with quite a few guys’ hearts over the past year because her commitment issues and emotional unavailability has her repeating this cycle. She always tells herself “I’ll do it better with the next guy” and drops the current one, but the same things happen with the next one, and the next one. This stems from her bad relationship with her father during her childhood and she has yet to have an actual proper long-term relationship. Some of these guys she had genuinely deep feelings for and still mourns them. She also told me that she is SO consumed with not letting other people (romantic interests) hurt her that she doesn’t even realize when she is hurting them. This is a very good example of the conflict that can go on in EU people that you are not aware of.
My Ex was pretty much the same but to a lesser degree, but he serves perfectly as an example for “they tell you” (cause they will!). In the beginning we tend to overlook red-flags and little remarks, but people will always show you who they are, it is on you to look closely. If your date tells you stuff like the following, promise me, you should listen!
Examples:

I’m not good at relationships
Girls don’t really like me cause I’m stupid and I fuck shit up
I never want to get married/I don’t believe in marriage
I don’t like commitment/I don’t want any commitments
I’m very quick to cut people off
I just want space and to be free and on my own
I’m pathologically scared of attachment
I’m never gonna have a girlfriend (didn’t say that to me but apparently that is what he said all the time before we met)

Whenever there was conflict he would ALWAYS get extremely defensive and just shut down with “I don’t know! Don’t ask me!”/“I’m not good at relationships!”. I don’t think we ever actually maturely talked any of our issues out because he simply stonewalled and wouldn’t talk about it. He made a huge point of setting extreme boundaries like not even letting me try his food because, in his words: “I like things to be separate, YOURS and MINE”. Everything had to be on his terms like most of the times only watching movies he chose and listening to music he liked because, in his words: “MY house, MY rules”. Completely unwilling to compromise. He was very emotionally intelligent but not really emotionally receptive to other people’s emotions. He would always act very cool/above it all/chill/nonchalant with everything in his life. Apart from the beginning, where he was somewhat open, he would never really let me in on how he was feeling, his fears and dreams, his past, his relationship with his parents or his past relationships. If I asked him, he would either brush it off, shut down, make a sarcastic remark or similar. I increasingly felt an emotional disconnect within the relationship. He would also need and want a looot of space and time to himself etcetera. I know through his friends that his issues come from 2 bad relationships and his childhood and especially his relationship with his dad.
I know he sounds horrible in the above but he TRULY wasn’t. Those were things that weren’t front and center at the time, but looking back I can see it. (Hindsight is 20/20).
A study has shown that about 50% of people have an anxious, fearful or dismissive attachment style. That means that every 2nd person in this world is emotionally unavailable in one way or the other (avoidant/codependent) and in varying degrees. You never know what someone went through and what shaped them to be this way.
Now you might ask: How can I make someone emotionally available?
Short answer: You can’t.
Long answer: Someone can only become emotionally available if they themselves recognise that they aren’t. A lot of people who are EU are not even aware that they are. Many people are aware they are EU but don’t know how to change it. Some might not want to change it. Either way, it is something that only they can work on! Nothing you do will make them any more available than they already are (which is not at all) if they themselves don’t recognise it as a problem and want to actively work on it.
Now some might say: “But if I am truly the one, will he/she not become emotionally available?”
Short answer: No.
Long answer: It has nothing to do with you. Patterns and traumas are psychologically so deeply ingrained in people that it is impossible as an outsider to change someone, unless they want to change themselves. You can assist them in overcoming those issues, but you cannot make them get rid of them if they aren’t doing the work. It has nothing to do with you. There’s nothing you could do or be more of. It has NOTHING to do with you - read that again!
Now you might say: I really like him/her, I think I will give it a shot!
Short answer: See you when you crash babe.
Long answer: Trying to have a relationship with someone who is EU will only lead to heartbreak, unless they’re actively doing the work. You will feel lonely and rejected, you will see your relationship not progressing (if not regressing), you will be left wondering where you stand and you will be the main (if not only) one putting in the effort. They will keep you at arms length and feel suffocated by the closeness you desire, while you grasp onto any shimmer of hope. That doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings for you, but they simply cannot let down their walls and reciprocate in the way that you want/need/deserve.
Now don’t feel all sorry for your love prospect and make no mistake: While many of EU people want to feel loved, there are also those who are EU and simply dcks/btches. There are also those who are EU AND just not that into you! But at the root of it all are usually personal issues and not some maliciousness.
Now what’s the difference between someone who is emotionally unavailable or just not that into you? In my experience, people who are just not that into but emotionally healthy, will not say things like the ones I mentioned above. They will be able to have a balanced relationship/beginning phase and once they decide it’s not for them they might tell you or ghost, but the imbalances and (especially) comments on trauma, unavailability, commitment fears will generally not be there. After all, if they are emotionally healthy and looking for a potential partner, why would they run around proclaiming how they are no good at relationships/hate commitment/don’t believe in xyz? Just not that into you’s are usually slow faders or ghost until they’re gone, while EU people are very hot and cold.
Either way, I just want you to understand that often times it has nothing to do with you and you can’t influence others as much as you’d like to believe. 15 years of childhood trauma are not repaired by some beautiful woman/handsome man walking by and becoming someone’s gf/bf.
But please, in the name of love, safe yourself the self-destruction of trying to “help”/“save” someone who is emotionally unavailable. They cannot give you what you need and you cannot change them. And that is not necessarily by any fault of their own, nor yours.

This ends with me.

I was 37 weeks pregnant with our daughter - a miracle baby that we tried so hard to have for many years, after many losses - when I leaned over my sleeping husband to look through his phone. This is something I’d never done before in the entirety of our 5 year marriage. I’d never felt I needed to. Up until that point I felt this man truly loved me, that I was the light of his life, his soulmate. That’s why in the previous weeks I knew something was wrong. He became distant and detached. I can’t explain it but I just... knew.
I found the messages immediately. “I love you so so sooo much baby xxxx” My heart sank and I didn’t read anything more. If I had maybe I could have saved myself the pain that was yet to come. Instead, I shouted “Wake up! Who the fuck is ******!?” He stared at me blankly and said “Do you have my phone?” He then wrestled it from my hands. Being as I was heavily pregnant, I didn’t put up much of a fight.
He convinced me he had only been messaging her for 2 weeks. That he didn’t love her, the conversations just got out of hand. He was stressed out and depressed. He made a mistake. He even threw in a few things I had done that made him do what he did. I could feel my daughter wriggling around in my belly. The only thing I could say was “I forgive you. But it’s me or her.” In that moment, I just wanted it to be not real, i’m not sure why I didn’t leave there and then. Anyway... He chose me.
For the two weeks after I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function. I’d start sobbing and shaking hysterically at any given moment. At first he tried to comfort me but slowly he started to just ignore me. Telling me that my crying was annoying and I needed to get over it and just trust him. He lasted two days leaving his phone in a visible spot, as was one of my stipulations for reconciliation, before he began carrying it around in his pocket again, sleeping with it under his pillow. But I convinced myself that I was just being “annoying and needed to get over it and trust him.” Even when he told me he was going to a work trivia night, only a few days after I found out, I let him go. Knowing deep down in my soul that he was going to see her but not wanting to believe it to be true.
I gave birth via scheduled csection at 39 weeks pregnant. My husband sat next to me while I lay on the operating table and said “there’s no one else I’d rather do this with.” I looked in his eyes and thought “This is the moment he realises what we have. That he loves me and our family.” We heard our daughter cry, so we looked at each other and cried together.
My daughter was only home for 5 days when I hobbled out of bed, barely able to walk, turned the kitchen corner to meet my husband, hunched over his phone messaging, and said “why are you doing this again?” He didn’t fight me this time. He told me “we’re just friends now.” I didn’t believe him. I went back to the bedroom with our sleeping newborn daughter. I told him, once again, it’s me or her. Once again he chose me.
A few days later, 10 days after our daughter was born, my husband said he couldn’t be around me anymore if all I was going to do was cry. “We need a few days apart” he said. So he packed my newborn daughter and me up in to the car with a couple of bags and dropped us off at his mothers house. Told me he would come back for us in a couple of days, he promised. He was going to get his head straight and be a better man for us. When he’d come back to pick us up, he’d be the man I needed.
He never came back for us.
He continued the narrative that we needed time apart to work on ourselves so that we could work on our marriage. He convinced me that he loved me and didn’t want to lose me. Over the course of 4 months I tried to leave him multiple times — saying if he wanted me then why were we living apart? Why was he only visiting his daughter for 4 hours a week and rushing home? But he always, always talked his way around it saying he didn’t want to lose me. I knew he was still speaking to her - he would message her right in front of me during his visits - but he insisted they were only friends now and get annoyed and call me “crazy” if I pried. And I always gave in because I didn’t want to be “crazy”.
It was only a few days ago that I found out the truth. The second he moved is out, his girlfriend was spending the night with him in our flat. Having sex with her in our bed. When he would be texting me “good morning” and “good night” she was often times laying in bed with him. Right next to him.
How do I know this? I messaged this woman. And boy was she happy to hear from me! We spent hours talking and realised he was lying to both of us. This poor woman was a victim of his as well. He was leading both of us on. She had no idea about any of this. She knew he was married with a daughter but he said we were completely over and that I was a horrible monster of a woman who was threatening to take his daughter away. He made me out to be abusive and just... Terrible. None of which are true. Even when I first found out about the affair during my pregnancy, I told him I’d never take our daughter from him.
She immediately broke up with him.
What makes this story worse is that when I met him, he had a son that he never saw. He told me it was because his ex girlfriend was crazy and wouldn’t allow him contact. Said she cheated on him while she was pregnant and then bailed out on him. His ex tried to warn me — he actually cheated on her while she was pregnant and gave her an STD in the process — but he was so good at lying... so so good that I believed him. I will always regret that.
I couldn’t allow him to do this to another woman. I came to his girlfriend armed with proofs of everything I was saying. Screenshots of everything. She is truly a kind woman and I’m glad she’s gotten away. Sadly, he is now treating me like the bad guy. Acting as if I’ve ruined his life. I’m taking the brunt of his anger right now and that’s okay. The truth is out now and I’m done protecting him. I’m done lying to everyone because he wouldn’t let me tell anyone the real reason we were living apart. I didn’t tell my family back home in another country — they thought we were living as one happy family. I didn’t tell most of our friends. The only people who knew were his mother and my best friend.
But no more. I won’t lie for him anymore. Not about the cheating, not about his first son, and not about the emotional and verbal abuse I’d been hiding before any of this ever happened. When he would scream at me during fights, calling me a “fucking retard” or telling me to “shut the fuck up!!!”. Sitting next to me on the couch playing video games while I sobbed next to him, pleading for him to just talk to me. Throwing his glasses full force across a room at me when he was angry. Slamming doors open so hard they left holes in walls. Things I overlooked because he was just “mad” and it was a mistake. When things were good they were really good... so as long as I could be better and do better, he wouldn’t have to treat me that way.
No more. Never again. This man conditioned me in to becoming a doormat. He would gaslight and manipulate me so much that I allowed him to get away with so much. I’d question my own sanity instead of questioning him. It’s only now that I’m coming out of the fog that I can see how much was actually wrong.
Almost overnight I went from feeling like I loved this man and could never live without him to feeling absolutely nothing towards him at all. I am damaged now. I probably always will be. I don’t know if I can ever trust anyone ever again. But I do know that I will never ever allow anyone to do to me the things this man did... and my daughter will one day know the strength of her mother. I won’t ever allow her to witness me in that victim role.
I’ve been raising her on my own since basically day one. She is thriving and happy. She’s perfect. She’s an angel. She is the only reason I can’t regret what I’ve been through because without him I wouldn’t have her. She makes me a better and stronger person. This will not define me. My husband has lost everything - including his own mother who is just beside herself with grief over who he has become - and he has no one to blame but himself.
This ends with me.

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The weirder the characters, the more interesting the game gets. 18. Video games. If you both like video games, then get ready to become competitors. Pick any game that both of you love to play. Imagine how much fun it would be if you beat them at their own game. The punishment can be decided before the game begins or even after the winner is Cooperation is the key to any relationship, but there’s no reason you can’t mess with each other a little bit in the process. That’s exactly what Portal 2 lets you do, with its brilliant co The Best Video Games to Play With Your Girlfriend (or Anyone) Whether it's a low-key date at home or just a leisurely afternoon with friends, these 6 games are perfect if you've got a comfortable Borderlands 2 is the best in the series according to the vast majority, but 1 is also great, and the Pre-Sequel is worth playing. If you care about story I would play through Borderlands 1 first and then 2 and then the pre-sequel, and the DLCs are all fantastic. Portal 2 is another absolutely fantastic game, it just doesn't last nearly as long. Best PC games to play with your partner Price Steam Rating Co-Op; 94. Portal 2 Co-Op Campaign. $19.99: Overwhelmingly Positive-91. Don't Starve Together. $14.99-2-4 Player Local --TowerFall Ascension. $14.99-4 Player Local--Stardew Valley. $14.99-Online and Local, up to 4 players--Lovers In A Dangerous Spacetime. $14.99: Very Positive: 4 Player Local: See Full List. 94. Must Play. Portal 2 Co These were some of the inexpensive and innovative ways to spend time with your girlfriend. As you play these fun games, you will eventually come up with new games as well. Play one or all of them. Oh and if you have any fun games to play with your girlfriend, do let us know about it as well. More games definitely means more fun. This is a very popular game and is best played between two partners, so it is tailor-made for couples. Ask your boyfriend or girlfriend a question starting with “Would you rather…?” that ends with two alternatives, if you didn’t already know this. The actual fun is in the alternatives you choose to include, and they can take the questions from harmless to flirty to very-very naughty; which makes this game completely customizable to whatever stage of a relationship you’re Valentine’s Day 2021 Date Ideas: Best Video Games To Play With Your Girlfriend. The couple that plays together, stays together. By Jan Cortes 02/05/21 AT 9:00 AM. Video games can be a great Best Games to Play with your girlfriend or Boyfriend. Bellow I am giving here all games into particular categories, by which you can easily identify which games you need to play with you girlfriend or boyfriend. Hope this post all type games which is describing here you like and enjoyed both if you together, let’s enjoy these best fun games. Fun Games to Play with Your Girlfriend 1. Cute The games of love — 15 co-op games to play with your partner this Valentine’s Day We pick a few games to enjoy with another, whether they're a newbie or hardcore.

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What Co-op Games Should You Play With Your Boyfriend ...

These are merely suggestions of games that you might enjoy playing with your group of mates. Each of these games have their own pros and cons, and I am not s... Best Coop & Party games to play for a date indoors, in the dark.Link to the projector I use for coop gaming given by BenQBenQ TH685 product page: https://be... From sprawling MMOs to cartoon beat ‘em ups, here are the best free games you can play with friends in 2018. When you want to push the boundaries of play, Pl... We've been craving games we can play together, apart - so here is Jared's list of his top 10 favorite cooperative online games to play that aren't Animal Cro... This is an honest video that summarizes the couple co-op experience of the switch game Snipperclips. Happy cutting each other.-----... For Valentine's Day we wanted to do something special: celebrate our Top 5 co-op games to play as a couple! This year we chose Super Mario Party, Overcooked,... Yep, it's sad but true: we don't meet with our friends and relatives as often as we used to several years ago. But technologies that have replaced this real-... Don't go on another boring, routine date... use any of these 10 RIDICULOUSLY fun things to do with your girlfriend, designed to keep her interested, and your...

Best Games To Play With Your Girlfriend Or Boyfriend

what is the best game to play with girlfriend

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[SERIOUS] Gamers of reddit, what are the best PC games to play with your girlfriend that is not into gaming (yet)?

What is the best game to play with your girlfriend?

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