Game Information

Game Title: Little Nightmares II
Platforms:

• PC (Feb 11, 2021)
• Xbox Series X/S (Feb 11, 2021)
• PlayStation 5 (Feb 11, 2021)
• Xbox One (Feb 11, 2021)
• PlayStation 4 (Feb 11, 2021)
• Nintendo Switch (Feb 11, 2021)

Trailers:

• LITTLE NIGHTMARES II – Launch Trailer
• LITTLE NIGHTMARES II – Lost in Transmission Trailer
• LITTLE NIGHTMARES II – Halloween Trailer
• LITTLE NIGHTMARES II – Gameplay Part 2
• LITTLE NIGHTMARES II – Story Trailer | Gamescom 2020

Developer: Tarsier Studios
Publisher: BANDAI NAMCO Entertainment
Review Aggregator:
OpenCritic - 83 average - 92% recommended - 84 reviews
NB: to fit Reddit's character limit, the following list is not including non-English written reviews.

Critic Reviews

Attack of the Fanboy - Tasha Quinn - 4 / 5 stars

Little Nightmares II excels at creating a truly eerie atmosphere that'll stay with you even after you've put your controller down.

AusGamers - Kosta Andreadis - 8.4 / 10

Being placed in a world akin to a setting kids might be whisked away to if they were transported to a nightmarish version of their own imagination -- by that interdimensional beast that lives underneath their floorbirds -- it's, yeah, terrifying.

COGconnected - Jaz Sagoo - 90 / 100

Being almost double the length of its predecessor, Little Nightmares II is a larger, more disgusting beast that is essential to gamers that are intrigued by the morbid. Whether you enjoy art, cinema, or games that explore themes of the grotesque, there are not many examples of it being done this well.

Chicas Gamers - Estela Villa - Spanish - Unscored

Little Nightmares 2 is a game where the central theme is escapism through the journey of Mono and Six. The title will explore the consequences of living a life full of distractions while hiding from the painful truth of existence. Undoubtedly a great game that despite its short duration, will keep you tense and will make you think a little to solve its puzzles.

Cultured Vultures - Ryan Stevens - 8.5 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is an ambitious, thrilling sequel that occasionally reaches just beyond its grasp, but stays engrossing and terrifying the whole way through.

DASHGAMER.com - Dan Rizzo - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is undoubtedly unmissable. [...] The insidious nature that carries its twisted aura throughout the campaign, ensures to encapsulate apprehension, awe, disgust, dismay, hatred, panic, abhorrence and terror.

Daily Mirror - Ryan Brown - 4 / 5 stars

A Nintendo Switch copy of this game was provided for review purposes.
Little Nightmares II is out February 11 on Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and PC for £29.99.

Daily Star - 4.5 / 5 stars

A top effort, and we’re already looking forward to Little Nightmares 3.

Darkstation - Sam Hallahan - 5 / 5 stars

Little Nightmares II builds greatly upon what the first title achieved, and pushes with great effort to accomplish even more in its setting, design, and gameplay - and it absolutely succeeds in every area of the game.

Destructoid - Jordan Devore - 8.5 / 10

Whether you're a seasoned survivor or an all-new player, you'll have a thrilling time with the sequel. It's ideal to start from the beginning, but it's not mandatory – this freaky story stands on its own.

Digital Chumps - Ben Sheene - 9.5 / 10

Little Nightmares II builds on the original's macabre formula of unsettling imagery and clever puzzles by crafting more diverse environments and expanding the player's toolset for solving and escaping tense situations.

Easy Allies - Brad Ellis - 8.5 / 10

Little Nightmares II once again takes you on a disturbing journey through a vividly realized world.

Eurogamer - Vikki Blake - Recommended

Tarsier returns with another slice of horror that's just about glorious enough to make up for the frustrations.

GAMES.CH - Sönke Siemens - German - 83 / 100

Despite some rather annoying trial-&-error sections and puzzles which feel a bit too easy, Little Nightmares 2 managed to excite us from start to finish. Visuals are great, sound design is awesome, gameplay offers a fair amount of variety and the environmental story-telling again works excellent. Sadly this scary adventure is already over after roughly seven hours.

Game Informer - Jeff Cork - 9.3 / 10

This impressive follow-up builds on its predecessor with emotional gut punches and unnerving visuals that stick with you

Game Rant - Dalton Cooper - 4 / 5 stars

Little Nightmares 2 makes some major quality of life and gameplay improvements while still delivering plenty of scares to keep players on edge.

Game Revolution - Mack Ashworth - 7.5 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 succeeds in building on the foundation that the original game laid out. The folks at Tarsier Studios have expanded on the story and lore with new characters and settings, added gameplay mechanics that don’t overcomplicate the action or bloat the pacing, and proven themselves worryingly imaginative when it comes to thinking up dastardly denizens of a perfectly grim world.

GameByte - Lara Jackson - 9 / 10

If you enjoy dark stories, difficult gameplay and the original game, Little Nightmares 2 is absolutely a must-play dark fairytale that you shouldn’t miss out on (if you can help it)! LN2 is a triumph for Tarsier Studios, but definitely needs to rethink accessibility.

GameGrin - Adam Kerr - 10 / 10

A fantastic sequel soaked in atmosphere and tension. Little Nightmares II surpasses its predecessor far beyond what anyone would have expected. An outstanding finale which stretches from the finale boss fight from the closing credits will have fans desperate for a third installment.

GamePitt - Rob Pitt - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II is a great continuation of the grotesque exploration puzzle series. The game is a solo adventure, yet you’ll be joined by the protagonist of the previous game, both working together to discover the reason behind the strange signal and put an end to its hypnotic control. Some parts can get frustrating when trying to run away or solve a puzzle with a timer before you get slaughtered, but this only leads to a lot of satisfaction upon completion. Aside from a few issues with the controls, there’s very little to complain about within this brilliant no hand-holding horror game.
Whereas the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree in terms of the gameplay, the updated visuals, immersive sound, confusing yet interesting story, and new gruesome freaks, all combine to ensure that after playing Little Nightmares II, you’ll be having ‘Little Nightmares’ of your own…

GameSkinny - Jordan Baranowski - 9 / 10 stars

Little Nightmares 2 is bigger and better than the original, offering up a larger world to explore and all new enemies waiting to devour you.

GameSpew - Kim Snaith - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II is a true evolution from the first game. Tarsier Studios has done a fantastic job in creating a world that’s even more terrifying, brought to life with absolutely sublime art and sound.

GameWatcher - Luiz Coelho - 8.5 / 10

Not only does Little Nightmares 2 live up to its name, but it also improves on nearly every aspect of the first game. Players may run into a few frustrating hiccups along the way, but exploring this horrific world with Mono and Six is immensely satisfying. At the end of the day, I'd recommend this one to any fan of surreal horror stories with emotional twists, though you might have trouble sleeping when it's all said and done.

Gamers Heroes - Johnny Hurricane - 85 / 100

Little Nightmares 2 improves upon the original with more terror, better puzzles, and a fantastic atmosphere. Fans of horror or puzzle games shouldn't hesitate to pick this one up.

GamesRadar+ - Leon Hurley - 4 / 5 stars

An amazing little horror game that can be as frustrating as it is brilliant.

GamingBolt - Shubhankar Parijat - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 makes every single moment count to craft a truly unsettling experience and to wordlessly deliver an expertly paced and impactful story.

God is a Geek - Chris White - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II tells a beautiful yet fragile story of friendship, sadness, and searching for the light among the darkness. The puzzles are well-designed, the music is stunning, and the visuals are on another level.

GotGame - Brian Zuhl - 9.5 / 10

Tarsier Studios has created a dark and depressing world like no other. A gripping tale of adversity that has you begging for more. Little Nightmares II is the light at the end of the tunnel that you never knew you needed.

Hardcore Gamer - Jordan Helm - 4 / 5

That same distortion and monstrous-like exaggeration of previous may be out in full force once again, but Little Nightmares II succeeds on its bolder and more refined continuation from the 2017 original.

Hobby Consolas - Álvaro Alonso - Spanish - 82 / 100

With a presentation that will give you the creeps, a premise that's still very original and a gameplay formula that adds some welcome improvements, Little Nightmares II has every ingredient to make fans that liked (feared?) the first game love this one too.

IGN Italy - Gabriele Carollo - Italian - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is a decisive step forward for Tarsier Studios. The art style is set to an high standard, but the gameplay noverlties don't all work perfectly. It remains a fascinating adventure, a must for anyone who loved the first Little Nightmares.

IGN Middle East - Zaher Albalbisi - Arabic - 8.2 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 brings a tremendously beautiful artistic mix and sound design, filled with very fun puzzles and some refreshing elements to gameplay, yet however, we still see some issues from the first game returns here and a missed chance for co-op gameplay

Jump Dash Roll - Jesse Gregoire - 8 / 10

Despite some frustrating combat and platforming issues, Little Nightmares II is better than its predecessor in every way. Don't miss it.

LevelUp - Pedro Pérez Cesari - Spanish - 7.8 / 10

Little Nightmares II arrives as a sequel that delivers a dark adventure full of puzzles and feels like a journey through a charming nightmare. Being that it is so similar to its predecessor, you should also expect the same setbacks, such as short duration, clunky controls and poor replayability.

Metro GameCentral - 9 / 10

A thoroughly entertaining work of video game art that improves mechanically on the original and proves thought-provoking in terms of more than just the puzzle-solving.

MondoXbox - Mirko Rusciano - Italian - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares II improves on the first game's formula in every way: better narrative, more varied puzzles and gameplay, better design overall. It still suffers from the experience only lasting a handful of hours, but it's definitely a worthy one.

MonsterVine - Samantha Lienhard - 4.5 / 5

If you enjoyed the first Little Nightmares, you’ll most likely enjoy its sequel as well, while newcomers will also find a good experience.

Next Gen Base - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II has far surpassed the original, and it holds true that this series remains one of the most terrifying and emotionally provocative experiences you will ever face! Once again Tarsier Studios have enthralled me, gripping me for a solid 9 hours straight playthrough that I just could not step away from. I have experienced loneliness, companionship, hope, joy, despair, terror and betrayal. Overall, I feel like my heart has been ripped out, but I would willingly go through it all again. If I had to find fault with anything, the controls can be a little cumbersome and may take some getting used to, and at times my jumps did not quite land the way I wanted. I only encountered one bug where a hatch would not open by a checkpoint, but this was easily resolved by restarting from that point. Will I be revisiting? Yes, it appears I truly am a masochist, but there are collectible, wearable hats and sorrowful glitches I must go back for. I am sure this is not the last we will see of Six and Mono’s story, and I am genuinely excited to see what comes next!

Nexus Hub - Robert de Wit - 9.5 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is an absolutely brilliant puzzle platformer, with just enough creepy to keep you on the edge of your seat. An excellent step-up from their first outing, Tarsier Studios has created a phenomenal world, tackling incredibly adult concepts from the perspective of a child.

Nintendo Enthusiast - Jaimie Ditchfield - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II is one of those "experience" kind of games. It is similar to titles such as Journey and Abzu, where it's all about the journey, not the destination. Little Nightmares II revels in its use of compelling level design to tell a deep and saddening tale of discovery. The stealth sections in particular provided some truly intense moments, with the world of Pale City always providing a constant, creepy atmosphere. My time spent exploring dark hallways, brooding corridors, and creepy streets will be something I'll always remember.

Nintendo Life - Stuart Gipp - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares II is nothing less than engaging from start to finish, with superb pacing, entertainingly varied level design and excellent graphics and performance. Its only real flaws are based on the imprecision that comes with all games in its sub-genre, as well as a few sections that feel more about trial and error than reactive survival. In our view, though, this doesn't detract from a far superior sequel and one of the best cinematic platformers we've had the privilege of enjoying. A real stylish treat.

Noisy Pixel - Azario Lopez - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II is easily going to be one of the best games of 2021. Its horror themes weigh on the player throughout the entirety of the adventure to a climax that will leave you breathless. Pacing through the various puzzles creates a nice balance of linear game design and subtle exploration. It's a game that anyone can get through if they can stand to be scared a little, but the trial-and-error approach makes it an easy recommendation to gamers of all skill levels.

Paste Magazine - Joseph Stanichar - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares II's ambition makes the original look like its introduction, and although this added ambition contributes to some of its frustrations, they ultimately don't prevent it from becoming even more clever, gripping and chilling than its predecessor.

PlayStation Universe - Joe Apsey - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is a game that pulls together every aspect of a game's presentation and pulls it off miraculously. Everything here is amplified from the original and moments feel like true cinematic wonders, unlike anything you have seen before. Combat doesn't always work, but the whole package is truly impressive and a showcase of the talent Tarsier Studios possess.

Polygon - Austen Goslin - Unscored

Little Nightmares 2 is a horrifying journey that occasionally loses its way

PowerUp! - Leo Stevenson - 8.8 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is a superb puzzle-platformer that'll worm its way into your brain and stay there.

Press Start - James Mitchell - 7.5 / 10

Little Nightmares II isn't content with just iterating on its predecessor, instead improving on it in practically every way. The puzzles are challenging and rewarding, combat surprisingly functional, and the imagery is as striking as ever. While trial-and-error design bogs down Little Nightmares II considerably, it's far and away a better game than the original.

Pure Xbox - Daniel Hollis - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares II is bigger and bolder, which builds upon the foundations from the first game. The game is host to a disgusting, decaying world that opens up as you progress through each chapter. Its inhabitants will haunt your dreams for days and the emotional connection it draws between Mono and Six with absolutely no dialogue is powerful. It is worth noting that certain combat encounters and high stakes moments can become troublesome and do provide occasional road blocks which prevent the game from reaching its full potential. As it stands though, Little Nightmares II is a thrill ride filled with visually striking moments of pure nightmare fuel, which may invite you to leave your lamp on for the foreseeable future.

Push Square - Sammy Barker - 6 / 10

Little Nightmares II is worth experiencing for its art direction alone, although its hand cramping controls can be an obstacle at times. The title relies far too heavily on trial and error, which frustrates, but many of its encounters will live with you long after the credits roll, and so it's successful at creating a lasting impression. It's a stiff and rigid release, but its puzzles are constantly reinventing themselves, and each frame draws you in with its surreal and unsettling imagery.

PushStartPlay - Richard Lee Breslin - 8.5 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is made up of creatures that would even keep the worst of demons up at night, waking up in cold sweats of terror too afraid to sleep alone in the dark.

Reno Gazette-Journal - Jason Hidalgo - 8.5 / 10

Franklin Roosevelt once famously said that we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Then again, he was never chased by the oversized head of a giant schoolmarm with a serpentine neck. It’s just one example of the many surprises that Little Nightmares II has in store for players who wander into its bizarre and melancholic world. If you love creepy adventure thrillers with puzzle platforming to boot, this is one nightmare you’d want to tuck into.

SECTOR.sk - Matúš Štrba - Slovak - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is a little too short but it offers a great horror with some stealth and platforming.

Shacknews - Donovan Erskine - 9 / 10

With an excellent blend of horror and puzzles, Little Nightmares 2 is a homerun for Tarsier Studios and Bandai Namco Entertainment.

TechRaptor - Jason Robbins - 8.5 / 10

Little Nightmares 2 is a sequel that ups the ante on everything from the gameplay to the nightmares themselves.

Telegraph - Tom Hoggins - 4 / 5 stars

Tarsier's horror sequel is a lean and twisted platformer with an eye for the grotesque

The Digital Fix - Andrew Shaw - 10 / 10

A perfect sequel. Expanding on what worked last time, improving what did not work, adding ideas that were missing, and taking the story to places we have never seen before. As a fan of Little Nightmares, you could not ask for more.

The Games Machine - Marco Bortoluzzi - Italian - 9 / 10

Little Nightmares II is based on the relationship between Six and Mono, both from a narrative and a gameplay perspective, and there will be heart-pounding situations where you will come to wonder how much you are willing to push yourself to get both children safe from this spiral of pure terror. If you enjoyed the original game, this new chapter is another little gem worth buying.

TheGamer - 4.5 / 5 stars

Little Nightmares 2 is another incredible trip into the horrible world that Tarsier Studios has created.

TheSixthAxis - Tuffcub - 8 / 10

It's rather obvious, but if enjoyed the first Little Nightmares then you will enjoy the Little Nightmares II. While some new elements have been added it is more of a next chapter to the story than a full blown sequel. The attention detail is incredible, bringing the story to life without a single spoken word. It's unsettling, creepy, darkly amusing, and at times a little frustrating, but immensely enjoyable. Another little, slime covered gem from Tarsier Studios.

TrueAchievements - Sean Carey - 4 / 5 stars

With Little Nightmares 2 Tarsier Studios has once again dreamt up a wonderfully unnerving world filled with grotesque and fantastical creatures that is a horrifying pleasure to explore.

Twinfinite - Andrew McMahon - 4.5 / 5

Chase sequences and the overall ambiance are as bone-chilling and thrilling as ever, while puzzles are even more challenging and satisfying to complete thanks to the tragic duo of Mono and Six. Even if you aren’t a horror fan, I’d highly recommend you play Little Nightmares II, as it currently sits as my favorite game of 2021 so far.

VG247 - Tom Orry - 4 / 5 stars

Little Nightmares 2 is a superb sequel that carries on the impressive tone of the original, but improves in all key areas. This isn’t explosive horror, there’s no gore or torture, and for the most part you’re jumping onto levers, solving puzzles, and climbing up furniture, but that doesn’t mean Tarsier hasn’t created a standout horror experience.

Vamers - Edward Swardt - Recommended

GOOD - Little Nightmares II is a delight to play, but its weak narrative and overarching goal dissuade from a wonderfully immersive world. Running away from big bad enemies and solving frantic puzzles in dark rooms are incredibly fun and surprisingly addictive. The game is fairly small with a very short campaign spread over three or four main locales (hopefully future DLC will alleviate this feeling). The game’s reliance on external sources for lore is also a bit disappointing. Fortunately, the minor caveats are forgotten courtesy of the wonderfully scary and well thought out world on offer. Little Nightmares II is a wonderfully scary delight, a great addition to the Little Nightmares Collection, and is a must play for anyone who enjoyed the first title.

VideoGamer - Josh Wise - 7 / 10

It's worth pointing out that few other studios have the confidence to take this approach to horror: not to jolt you with sudden frights or to ration your ammunition, but to probe and puncture your emotional ease by putting foulness in such close proximity to the childish.

Washington Post - Elise Favis - 9 / 10

“Little Nightmares 2″ shattered my expectations. I expected something scary, but the impeccable sound design, terrifying enemy encounters and clever puzzles make it worth revisiting, even after completion. This nightmarish experience has a lot to offer. Just don’t expect to get much sleep after playing.

Wccftech - Nathan Birch - 6 / 10

Little Nightmares II often manages to recapture the unsettling essence of Tarsier Studios' original game, but almost every attempt to expand the formula falls flat, resulting in an experience as lumpy and misshapen as the game's shambling monstrosities. If you loved the original Little Nightmares and need to know what happens to Six next, this sequel might be worth your time, but more fair-weather fans may regret reliving this particular bad dream.

We Got This Covered - Cheyenne Clark - 3.5 / 5 stars

With its delightfully scary monster designs and ominous atmosphere, Little Nightmares II stands out as a truly unique horror experience. Sure, it falters in some of its puzzles and clunky controls, but it makes up for it with its art and level design.

WellPlayed - Kieron Verbrugge - 8.5 / 10

Little Nightmares II doesn't break the mould established by its predecessor but it improves on it in a number of small ways while introducing fans to a new cast of creepy characters to be kept up at night by

Windows Central - Jez Corden - 5 / 5 stars

Little Nightmares II builds on its predecessor as a sequel should, expanding the scope of the universe both in terms of lore and mechanics. Little Nightmares II is one of 2021's first must-play titles.

Worth Playing - Andreas Salmen - 8.6 / 10

Little Nightmares II is a gem of a game that successfully builds on everything that made the first one great. It's a short but well-polished and atmospheric horror-platformer that oozes with creepy charm. While its core physics-based platformer gameplay hasn't seen many radical changes, the setting, storytelling, and world-building alone make it worth experiencing. If you're a fan of the first entry or the likes of Limbo or Inside, LM2 is well worth the adventure … if you dare.

Xbox Achievements - Richard Walker - 60 / 100

Despite contriving its fair share of unsettling moments, Little Nightmares II is a disappointing follow-up to one of 2017's most pleasant surprises. It might be a bigger game than its forebear, but it certainly isn't better.

ZTGD - Ken McKown - 8 / 10

Little Nightmares II is a wonderful sequel that adds unnecessary combat to the mix. The journey is still worth pushing through just to experience the horrors the team has delivered. I love these type of games as it stimulates that certain part of my brain that creates a sense of discomfort while also letting me solve puzzles to stay alive. The lighter price point and promise of next-gen updates also make it worth your time. Don’t miss out on the first genuinely disturbing game of 2021.

I wanted to clear the air a little bit, especially with Mike leaving the channel he created.
​
First off, this is the real Justin. I know there's been a lot of fake Screenwave people on here over the years, but... I think you'll tell from my post that it's me. It's going to be too inside-baseball to be faked. Plus, mod GreatBowser confirmed it in Twitter DM.
​
I also wanted to do an AMA for a while, was going to do one on Facebook in that Assposting group... but they started contacting family members on my Facebook profile and stuff. So... I left all Cinemassacre fan groups I was in and locked my profile down. I feel that this subreddit is probably the best place for the AMA... since you guys clearly care about the channel a lot and wouldn't hold back any punches. I was on here a few years ago. But, I jumped ship pretty quickly and didn't really engage after that, or even lurk. I would get sent threads from time to time. Yet, over the years I noticed the Truth went from heavy trolling and hyperbole, to more shitposting and constructive criticism. That's something I can get behind. Plus, you guys aren't going away... and Screenwave isn't going away. So, I wanted to meet in the middle.
​
I wanted to step out in front of a lot of your questions. Answer them for you. I am going to use the Megathread and newer top posts to pull questions from. (But, feel free to ask stuff below. I'll only be monitoring this thread the next week or so, if that's alright.)
​
Lastly, I do not speak for James, Mike, Ryan, Screenwave Media, or the other guys... it's just how I see things, or what I know personally.
​
Who owns Cinemassacre now? Screenwave Media?
James owns it. I don't know the specifics after that or with the AVGN movie, but I know Screenwave Media owns 0% of any of it. We only have a stake in the AVGN games we produce. Yes, we take a percentage of monthly revenue, like we do other partners on the network... but we don't have any control of the Cinemassacre company... OR have any creative control. James can do whatever he wants with both. He decides to work with us, and we like working for him.
​
So, do the Screenwave guys work for Cinemassacre or what?
"The Slobs," as we are called (thanks for that) don't have any creative control or financial stake, as said before. We are just employees of Screenwave Media. Hell, Cinemassacre isn't even my full time thing here. I do a lot of producing of our games and social media content, plus direction for the company kinda stuff. Tony and Kieran are the only full-time employees at Screenwave working for Cinemassacre... and that is mostly writing, filming, and editing.
​
Why wasn't there a better way to introduce "The Slobs"?
That's the last time I'll call us the slobs, haha. Honestly, we probably should've introduced ourselves better. Mind you, we were working on the channel for a while at that point... and, when you're James or whatever, you're already really acquainted with us... so, when Tony slips into that Halloween 6 review or we start doing Rental Reviews, it doesn't really come to your mind to roll out the red carpet and send out flyers to everyone, because you assume people follow his socials where we're mentioned or at conventions or whatever... you just kinda do it... which, I don't think people would have cared too much about... if it wasn't for the departure of Kyle and Bootsy still stinging.
​
What about Kyle and Bootsy then???
I started working for Screenwave in 2015... and on Cinemassacre in late 2017... so, I wasn't really there for the behind the scenes of Kyle and Bootsy. I met the guys a bunch beforehand though. I like the guys now too. You also know I did the stupid AVGN Roast in 2013... and I think I gave them that cake/award thing at TooManyGames the year before too... so, I knew Kyle and Bootsy well enough and we'd talk at after parties and whatever. Only saying that because I just want to put it out there that I don't harbor any animosity for them. None of us do. I'd like to work with them in the future if it's ever possible. Oh, and if you watch the Silvermania 2016 MAGfest video you'll see Bootsy. Really surprised none of you saw that yet... anyway... yeah, no idea why there was a falling out 100%. I know Kyle wanted to get more involved with his contracting company... and Mike and Bootsy had a falling out. Friends sometimes do, especially when they start working together and being in business together. All I know is what Mike posted publicly a while ago. Be cool to see them again one day regardless.
​
Why did Mike leave?
I think he was pretty clear about it in his reddit post. We were planning 2021 and I guess Mike was feeling disconnected for a while... and honestly, loves to stream on Twitch. So, it just made sense for him to bounce. All the old stuff he made is still there, and I guess there's some burnout mixed with enjoying his new thing. I don't blame him. Yes, James barely talked about it in the update video... but, Mike specifically didn't want a huge send off or too much said about it. So, James said as much as Mike wanted him too. That simple.
​
What about all the Mike drama over the years?
Same with the Kyle/Bootsy stuff. I wasn't around for it. I know as much as you know, maybe less. I think Mike has apologized for all of it... so, I am going to leave it there. I have no problems with Mike, he's always been good to me. Hoping to stream with him eventually from time to time or just hang out.
​
Why doesn't James write the AVGN episodes anymore?
Well, he does... and he doesn't. It's collaborative. Sometimes we play all the games together, sometimes just he does. Sometimes we'll come up with an outline for a script and he fills it in, sometimes it's the reverse. Sometimes he comes up with ideas for games, sometimes we do. It's so back and forth that I can't really separate it at this point... I understand they don't feel like stuff from back in the day... but, not much you can do about that. He's older, back in the GameTrailers day he had something to prove. I think the movie burned him out... plus his family life and side projects. It takes its toll, I think we were moving in a good direction but Covid kinda fucked stuff up, for all of us. Our goal is to make 2021 a great Nerd year. We have been working on the plan for a while now with more time to focus on writing, acting, all that. I think 2020 had us flying by the seat of our pants. I was editing stuff 24 hours straight sometime. Sorry if it doesn't seem that way, haha. We put a lot of time and effort into making what we can, but we want to improve and we want the content to improve.
​
What's with all the brand deals and lack of cursing?
As you know, YouTube is a minefield of demonetization, limited ads, and de-platforming. We're trying our best to make the channel money and keep views up. The brand deals really help, because a lot of our content gets limited ads, especially the older stuff. As you know, our backlog is huge. Cursing in the first minute is an instant limited ads. Which hurt money, sure, BUT it also makes the algorithm push you less. So, if a YKWBS gets limited ads it'll get half the views it would normally get, or less... so, we had to make these changes to stay afloat. Even the AVGN theme gets pinged... that's why a lot of AVGN episodes did worst this year (aside from whatever quality issues you have)... Bad Final Fight Games got limited ads because the Nerd said "blue balls," and that's too sexual. See what I mean? If we get hit, it kills views. So... we do brand deals, we put the theme after a minute, we changed it to BS in the front... if not, views would suffer, and future stuff would be pushed less and less. It's weird. Sure, we could do a Patreon and all that, but views would still suffer. And, we never want to just take your money... if skipping forward in a video is all you have to do, whatever. If you want to support us, merch is the best way to do that. And yes, James gets most of the profit from merch. It's not us running some scam.
​
Why are the Screenwave guys such SLOBS?? (Oops, used it again.)
I don't want to talk about how Ryan, Kieran, or Tony (from Hack the Movies) feel... but, I know Kieran really took a lot of the stuff here to heart. Especially after the years of fat jokes, caveman jokes, and people pretending to be his dead father. He went off the edge a few times. I think he's in a way better place now, and I think he's really been taking good care of himself. Shit, I lost 80 pounds this year but gained a lot of it back when the world started opening back up... that's the thing about being fat your whole life. It's hard to dig yourself out, it's easy to diet and exercise if you're already thinner. I was fat in like kindergarten, those habits and addictions just continue on with you. Plus, food has always been a comfort for me. Not to go into a sob story, but my Mom died in '99 because of drugs and stuff... and I grew up with 3 sisters across multiple states in a poor family... and, being teased your entire life just goes on and on. Honestly, if you're 20 pounds overweight or 200... it feels the same when you're ridiculed, so, what's the difference, just get bigger, you'll never be small enough to not catch shit. I mean, not to go into my psychology or whatever, sorry... BUT, my goal is to get healthy in 2021... it's a "rebuilding year" for me... that's a sports term. I mean, I doubt it'll affect my personality much... so, if that's your problem, then shit... but, clearly us slobs don't want to be slobs. Even Tony (from hack the movies) and Ryan have been working on themselves too... plus, I always put others before me... from work, to family, to my girlfriend... I'm usually the last stop. Any advice or whatever you guys wanna give, please do. My Twitter DMs are always open.
​
Coat-tail riding MUCH??
I mean? Not really? Not sure how much fame we can get out of this. It's just our job, and we like helping James and shooting the shit on the internet. Plus, I had two failed YouTube shows before working with Cinemassacre (why the fuck did they hire me??) so, I don't really care about the clout. It's cool when people high-five us at conventions and other content creators give us the nod... but, we're just trying to make videos, build up Screenwave more, and keep James making the content he wants to make. That's it. I mean, hasn't really helped Hack the Movies much (LOL).
​
What do you think of the AVGN movie?
It's alright. I think it could be better here and there, but it's really hard to make a movie. Anyway, back when it was being planned... I was trying to get James to do it locally, with the Underbelly guys and people I knew into film. Do it cheap. But, I also understand wanting to make a big movie in Hollywood. That's a dream. Anyway, at the end of the day, I hope James gets to make another movie one day. I really liked his horror script, but clearly that's on the backburner if not cancelled... but, my goal is to get something to happen one day for him.
​
Now I wanted to dive a bit into my past...
​
Why do you defend Bob and still talk to him to this day?
So, as you might know, Bob (who used to be on my old YouTube show Silvermania) was busted for having child porn several years ago, after we stopped working together anyway. He went to jail for a year and has since been off the grid. I don't talk to him anymore and I completely cut ties. I've talked about the matter before, saying he "did his time" and stuff. Which, I meant like... I don't want to dogpile on a guy whose life is completely ruined... and who already fucked up a ton. I wanted him to get the help he needs and never work with him again. But, as I said before, I haven't talked to him in years and I don't plan to.
​
Why did you make fun of Total Biscuit's cancer?
I regret everything that happened between Silvermania and TB. The short version, is we were invited on his podcast accidentally. They thought we were another show... my original show Underbelly, I think... which was a really different thing, and we were frustrated our YouTube network at the time (MakeTGS) didn't know the difference. Silvermania was me and my old roommate, who posted on here a few times as you know. They wouldn't let us on together and kept asking questions before the show about Underbelly and stuff that didn't pertain to us, but whatever. Watch it, it even says UnderbellyShow under my face. Things went south really quick... and honestly, I shouldn't have been a dickbag on the call... but, as I said, it was weird from the get-go. The energy was really off between all of us on the call, and I just played into being the bad guy. Anyway, we got kicked off the podcast halfway through and a wave of TB fans started attacking us for months. Now, there were like 5 people with access to the Silvermania YouTube at the time... plus I think mods and stuff. So, I'm not sure who did it. Hell, it could've been me under the influence. I drank way too much back then... anyway, someone made fun of TB's cancer down the road and it's been screen-grabbed and passed around. I mean, there's not too much context to it... aside from just being a shitty thing to say because we felt burned by the guy and his fans. Anyway, after that I met with him at a convention and we put it past us. He never actually saw the insult. I was really upset when I heard he passed, I always liked him and his content. Especially all the PC gaming stuff.
​
Why did you post "I'm a pedo, watch out" on Twitter?
AH, right. I know that sounds like foreshadowing about the Bob stuff, but it wasn't. Back then, I think it was 2013... I didn't really use Twitter much. We had the SilvermaniaShow handle... which connected directly to our Facebook fan page. So, if we posted on Facebook, it would auto-post to Twitter. Also back then, we would have huge parties at our apartment and stuff, like 50 people would show up once a month... a lot of friends and fans of the show too. Anyway, someone "hacked" our Facebook account... as in, went on the computer that was playing music, typed that in as a joke, and hit send. We immediately deleted it... but, we forgot it auto-posts to Twitter and forgot about it. Anyway, when the show ended... I changed the handle from SilvermaniaShow to JustySilverman, the one I am using now, making it my personal account. But, the wayback machine or whatever, just makes it look like my current profile said he's a pedo. That's the story. Someone was playing a joke, it went to Twitter, and we didn't realize it. I am not a pedo, but sadly, I worked with one for a while... well, kinda, Bob was kinda a guest on the show more than a member.
​
Why did you make such shitty/troll content anyway back then?
Man, it's been a real rollercoaster... if I knew back then what I know now... I think Underbelly or Silvermania would have made it... I let too many cooks in the kitchen, let friends have business control or creative whatever... I should've just been a solo act and just made fun shit... I mean, I think we did a lot of good stuff too... like, Underbelly was partnered with ScrewAttack and Normal Boots for a time... we were with the first ever YouTube network... but, all that pivoting fucked the channel up because of release schedules or what they wanted us to make... the production has always been good... Underbelly was the first YouTube channel with every video being in full 1080p back in 2010... but then we deleted every video and reuploaed them because our network needed us to for whatever reason... just a ton of issues... from back-end stuff to it not being fun anymore... to seeing others soar with similar content... it made me bitter. Which led to Silvermania becoming a weapon of trolling. I always skimmed the surface of making YouTube successful for me... hell, we pissed a LOT of content creators off too... I am STILL rebuilding those bridges even with being on Cinemassacre. I was just pissed off at the world and thought I knew better... when, we should've been focused on making fun stuff consistently and less toxic. That simple. Trying to do that now I guess.
​
Why did you say the N-word?
I really regret this. I mean, even without cancel culture and all that. It was just stupid. The one time was back in 2012, on YouTube, and was part of a skit where I was saying the N-word was actually "Nerd," because of the Big Bang Theory or some point I was making about Nerds being taken advantage of or whatever by Hollywood... it was a really dumb comparison. I even had my black roommate in the video with me to sell the joke... it was dumb, but edgy humor was cool at the time. I have since removed the video and apologized. The other time was just being a drunk-comedian with my friends trying to say the most fucked up stuff possible, same year. Kinda like when Kramer from Seinfeld did that dumb stand-up routine when he said it. But, I guess my ex-roommate decided to record it and post it this year for clout. That said... I am not a racist, I've never said anything remotely racist after the fact, and never from a place of hate. I'm a pretty liberal guy, not that it matters. But, I apologize, clearly won't ever happen again... and hasn't in 8 years.
​
Why are you dressed as a Klansman next to Nazi and confederate flag?
Whoops! Okay, this is a bad look. I can see this coupled with the N-word thing looking really bad... or being a Jewish guy next to a swastica. Clearly, this was a skit. The flags were from a WW2 and Civil War reenactment troop I knew, someone has to play the bad guys and their gear was really authentic. I don't own racist or facist flags. (Though, I kinda want a Mobile Infantry flag from Starship Troopers.) People share the photo around, but never notice the game collection behind me or the minture Hitler on my shoulder... it was a skit we filmed, but never fully released, and has since been taken down... it was part of our Lost Episodes clip-show. The joke was that I'm the "Racist Video Game Nerd," because everyone else on YouTube already picked all the names to sound more like AVGN. Like the Sad Video Game Nerd or whatever. So, the "RVGN" was going to review a game, then get thwarted by a group of racially diverse characters... so... just a stupid skit... that was never fully finished because we knew it was bad. Plus, the RVGN is the bad guy... he's shown in a negative light.
​
Okay, I think that'll answer a bunch of questions you may have... so, yeah. AMA.
Oh, and sorry if I blocked you on Twitter or whatever. I'll add you back if you want.
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[EDIT]
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I will get to EVERYONE'S QUESTIONS, there are just a ton and I like to work and sleep and eat and shit.

The Steam Lunar Sale has started and a good number of JRPGs are sale now:

~ Link to the JRPG Page of the Sale ~

~ Link to the full JRPG list on Sale ~

Here is a list of recommendations if you can't decide which ones to get:

~ Classic Turn-Based ~

• Persona 4 Golden: A great game with a lovable cast, and fantastic music. A school life simulator and dungeon crawler mixed in with a fantastic mystery plot. I would say more but I am holding back as to not spoil anything, because this is one of those games that lives and dies on the twists and turns of the story and the choices you make during the story.

• Battle Chasers: Nightwar: An actual kickstarter JRPG that more than delivered what it set it out for and more. It went under the radar since release, but it's a great turn-based JRPG with great characters and challenging combat and a satisfying crafting system, arena fights, fishing, skill trees, and a fantastic in-game encyclopedia with an actual incentive to complete. With a great tiered loot system, dungeons with random events and side-quests every time you enter. And really great monsters to hunt. It's more than worth full price, but right now it's dirt cheap.

• Bug Fables: The Everlasting Sapling: 2nd rank on the best Indie JRPG of 2020 and only because CrossCode took number 1, this Paper Mario style JRPG saw that Nintendo isn't making what JRPG fans are waiting for, so they scrapped themselves in to patch in that gap in JRPG history. With praise from every where and Overwhelmingly Positive score on steam. why not give it a try ?

• GRANDIA HD Remaster and GRANDIA 2 HD Remaster : If you are in the mood for one of those old turn-based epic fantasy adventures, then look no more. The first Grandia in particular is one of the classics great fantasy adventure games. Grandia 2 is more "Edgy", but still has the great gameplay that Grandia 1 had.

• Yakuza: Like a Dragon: Another game that is always in the top 3 in multiple categories, with it's Main Character (Ichiban Kasuga) winning the number 1 spot for the best character for 2020. The Yakuza series was already crazy fun, and now it's Turn-based ? enough said.

• The Legend of Heroes: Trails in the Sky or The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel: Bla Bla Bla, as if you already don't know.

• Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth: Complete Edition: 2 full games in 1 package. If you're a fan of the series then this is a must play, it dives into the lore more than a lot of the previous games, and also has one of the biggest Digimon rosters till to day. Even if you're not into the series but you're looking for a classic turn-based game to just grind and chill out in, then this is a good choice.

~ Tactical Turn-Based ~

• Disgaea 5: To be honest any game in this series or even it's spin-offs, like Phantom Brave, is worth getting. Great voice acting, always funny characters and funnier events, and you'll always get more than you're money's worth of content and gameplay time even if you are paying full price for it. But if you don't have the time to go through the series one by one, then going for this one is more than worth it. You'll miss out on a lot of inside jokes and great cameos if you start with this one, but story wise you don't have to worry about anything since they aren't really connected. They happen in the same world, but even if you don't know the story of other games it still won't hinder your enjoyment of the story here.
  
• Disgaea 1.
  
• Disgaea 2.
  
• Disgaea 4 Complete+.
  

• TROUBLESHOOTER: Abandoned Children: What if you want something serious ? then this is your go to game. I always liked X-com but I couldn't get into the RNG gameplay and losing characters forever because of one mistake. So here is TroubleShooter, an X-com JRPG, with an actual full story told through multiple chapters. A really fun world to get into, with great characters and fantastic music. The detective Noir atmosphere combined with really deep and complex customization system just provides endless content to go through. They also just recently released a whole DLC for free that expands the story and adds more content...yes for FREE!

• SD GUNDAM G GENERATION CROSS RAYS: You want a Tactical Mecha game focused on the Gundam universe with great graphics and crazy amount of customization and days worth of play time ? that's a weird request but I got you, here you go fam, Cross Rays brings you amazing Metal on Metal clash! with a huge (and I mean huge) list of Mechs to develop, evolve, capture, exchange, and unlock throughout a long and satisfying story campaign, and a customization system deep and varied enough to lose days of your life on.

• Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen: The Entire Series is on Steam now. This fantastic Visual Novel Style game is one hell of a ride from start to end. If you're looking for a lore and story rich fantasy game then there is no reason to not get this whole series. Drama, Comedy, Mystery, Action, Horror, Fan-service, and more, this game has it all.

Prelude to the Fallen is the first game story-wise, and while the story is fantastic, I won't lie to you that they didn't really update the gameplay to the standards of the other two games in the series. Still the gameplay isn't really where the game shines anyway, and once you get into the other 2 games after this one, the gameplay gets much better.
After Prelude to the Fallen is:
Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception.
And then after that comes:
Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth.

• Lost Dimension: This one probably went under the radar when it was ported to PC. But it's a solid Tactical JRPG, with a really fun setting. To save you the time on the story, Imagine Danganronpa as a tactical JRPG and there you go. A really dark Mystery story, filled with plot twists, and some really great customization done in a way that makes sure no 2 playthroughs are the same.

• Tale of Wuxia: Are you into great world building ? choices that matter ? open-world gameplay and life-sims ? Tactical turn-based combat Chinese Martial Arts novels/comics ? well here is one of the best games you can find. A remake of an older game, they did a fantastic job with it. There are issue with the translation, but for something so unique and one of a kind you'd have to work through minor issues. The game is about building your own Martial Art master, by managing their daily life-style, chores, adventures, jobs, training, and even social relations. With multiple endings, and so many different routes and events, you can easily gets sucked into it's world. If you like it then you can also check Tale of Wuxia:The Pre-Sequel, that does away with the life-sim, and focuses completely on the open-world adventure and tactical gameplay aspect.

~ Action combat ~

• .hack//G.U. Last Recode: You're itching for the next great action JRPGs that plays like the Tales series, but with an even more edgy and revenge hungry main character than Velvet from Berseria ? Then look no more. With 3 games 1 and with an extra new episode to wrap the story up, then you'll be getting more than you money's worth for sure. With an MMO setting and a fresh approach to side-quests and world exploration, it's a classic that is more than worth giving a try.

• Ys VIII: Lacrimosa of DANA: Again this is a case of a whole series is filled with great games, but if you're going to choose one, then this one is an easy pick. Fantastic soundtrack ? check! Great Smooth Action gameplay ? check! Dogi the wall breaker ? check! Base building and crafting ? check! and check!

• Tales of Symphonia: To be fair, any of the Tales games on Steam right now are good to get since they are all dirt cheap in this sale and they are great games. But if you had to choose only one, then this is the classic Tales game experience, and it might as well be free at the price they are selling it now at. Whatever Tales game you get, make sure to check out the mods on steam, there are some really good ones to make sure you get the best experience possible, graphics and FPS wise.
  
• Tales of Berseria
  
• Tales of Vesperia
  
• Tales of Zesteria
  

• CrossCode: Look.....I have yet to play this myself (don't shoot!), but I got so many people telling and shouting at me to play it, and friends begging me to, that it has to be good. But just to be on the safe side, you can check the free demo before you take the jump. And am sure someone in the comments can vouch for the game. Oh and it's Number 1 in the rankings of this year's Indie JRPGs.

• Ni no Kuni Wrath of the White Witch™ Remastered and Ni no Kuni™ II: Revenant Kingdom: If you're looking for that great Isekai fantasy adventure feel, then these two games are where it's at. Fantastic visuals and great music, coupled with a great art style, a combo that is perfect for a chill and relaxed gaming experience.

The games aren't connected story-wise, so you can start with any of them:
Wrath of the White Witch: For a the best fantasy adventure feel, while the combat is a hit or miss depending on your taste, don't let that stop you from actually diving something that is really whimsical, this is the one with the better story in my opinion, so if you want more story than game, this is for you.
Ni no Kuni™ II: Revenant Kingdom: This one focuses more on gameplay, with a Kingdom builder, Army battles, Heavy loot focus, and even character collector, this is the one to go with if you want more game than story.

Here is the "Bonus Round" version:

• AKIBA'S TRIP: Undead ＆ Undressed: A Beat'em up JRPG, where you kill Vampires in modern Japan, by using a combination of elaborate wrestling moves and every weapon you can get your hands on, and finally finishing them by stripping them till they disintegrate. A funny and silly game that has a weird amount of detail.
  
• One Piece Pirate Warriors 3: Yes I am aware that Pirate Warriors 4 is out and on sale, but I like this one more, and it's cheap as hell. If you're looking for something mindless but very satisfying to waste hours on, then this is really good. Even as someone who isn't a fan of the Warriors series, I really couldn't stop playing this one when I first got it, and if you're a fan of the show then this is a must.
  
• Okami HD: I mean, what is there to say ? a true PS2 classic...on the PC, in HD, for dirt cheap. It's Okami people come on.
  

Please go ahead and post any great deals that I missed, or ask about any you are unsure of.

Content Warnings: Emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, suicidal thoughts
Note: I wrote this horror story about three weeks ago. Since then, enough new horror on top has come to light about this DM to write another story of similar length, involving false rape allegations, sexual predation, demanding and controlling behaviour, turning friends against each other, lying about his day-to-day life and age to appear older than us, spreading false rumours about us to each other, pity-farming, exploiting another very vulnerable player to worship him, and much more. This is a story that just seems to get worse and worse the more our group of survivors talk about it. That said, I hope you enjoy this initial dose of horror. Happy reading.
I never imagined I’d be penning up the next story here. I’ve had my fair share of lite horror stories, sure: the nice-enough lad who wanted to play an excessively edgy Prototype-inspired homebrew class for Waterdeep Dragon Heist, the duergar wizard who had an obsession with Prestidigitation and cleaning soiled objects to the point of screaming at the DM about whether or not a bag of holding had a bottom to it, the barbarian altering his Roll20 sheet settings and macros to add hard-to-catch bonuses to his rolls, etc… but never anything bad enough to justify a full vent piece here.
Yet I finally had one: the worst one, involving me realising a former 'serious, abusive problem player' of our group - someone who wrote up a popular story here ('DM ruins Curse of Strahd by adding his Sorcadinlock Self Insert who’s “coincidentally” also Strahd’s brother') - wasn’t actually a problem player at all, and was right in it about many things. They were totally justified to be as pissed off as they were. Unsettlingly, I realised I’d helped enable horror-story behaviour towards that poor player myself and become an accomplice without even realising it. For reference to u/newt__noot's HorrorStory linked above, we're talking about the same DM here (named 'Rob' in Newt's story).
This is a really big story with a lot to unpack, given this has come from years and years of many campaigns with the same problem DM. I’ll try to condense it as much as I can into sections. For context’s sake, know that we’ve often identified these problems with the DM before and tried to diplomatically raise them as his friend and fellow player, and nine times out of ten been shot down hard for it and made to feel guilty or as if we’re irrational for seeing the issue or thinking of it as such.
So. Context time, my friends. I write wordy, with apologies in advance, so snuggle up with some cocoa and a blanket.
I’ve played D&D for many years. The man who helmed most of my groups is, for the sake of exchanged names, called Alex in this story. For the last five years, Alex has been the first man I’ve met who I can genuinely say I’d take a bullet for. He taught me how to write fiction, be a great Dungeon Master, and though we weren’t of blood, called me his brother. I grew up in a not-so-great household, and so did he. When he told me he considered us that close, I cried. I cried like a baby with joy and felt seen and loved for weeks, and finally knew what a life-long friendship as an adult was supposed to feel like. Only a cult leader could hope to compete with his incredible charisma, and he always became crowned by everyone as the ‘Group Dad’ of every D&D and friendship group we formed. He was only two years older than any of us, or so we thought, but had the incredible wisdom, insight and maturity of a man far older. He was creative, intelligent, and the sort of guy who could give you lectures on random topics for hours and have you captivated the entire time.
For the first few years, he was a wonderful friend. He was supportive, caring, loyal, and we loved him. We all got him gifts and made tokens of affection for him, and he did so back. And he was an incredible writer. His worldbuilding, character voices, NPCs and descriptions felt on-par with Matt Mercer, and I don’t say that lightly. We often fawned over how we felt we had our very own Critical Role at points. However, we had problems - for one, games never lasted. We got through twenty-four in the last three years. Most were Alex’s. A good chunk were mine that Alex convinced me to stop running, despite the rest of the group wanting to keep playing them (except one. One was pretty crummy. We were all okay with that one going). I can name every single one and what they were about, if I sit down to list them. Each and every one lasted either only one or two sessions, or never started at all. In almost every case, we had those sessions, loved them and our characters, and Alex turned around afterwards and gave a seemingly-compelling excuse as to why we couldn’t do that one anymore - or, turned to me when I DM’d, and spent hours justifying to me why my game was bad and how despite the others loved it, I needed to shut it down, ‘be a player for a while’, and make a new one ‘in the future’ (read: repeat this all over again one month from now).
Ironically, this cycle is what’s caused us to finally wake up and realise the true issues we’ve had with our group. It’s only with the sheer exhaustion and apathy towards D&D we’ve developed as a result that it’s become apparent there’s problems. Each of us have made enough characters to, for each player individually, populate entire taverns. Every single one of them was lovingly crafted, had full backstories, completed sheets, planned potential development arcs, roleplay plans with fellow players, theme tunes picked out, the full shebang. Every single one of them has not been used for any longer than two sessions, except for one unusually long-lived game where we mercifully got a whopping 25 sessions… and then Alex said he didn’t want to run it anymore, and wouldn’t allow anyone else to take the DM’ing role on it, given that it was his world and it ‘wouldn’t feel right’ given he wanted to use it for a book.
Whenever we asked to reuse these aborted characters, we were firmly told no, with only one exception ever being made. Alex always wanted to try new genres and ideas not everyone was really on board with, but we went along with because he was a good enough narrator to make them interesting, but even if a new game was in the same genre as the last, reusing characters wasn’t allowed. Yes, even if we hadn’t played a single session with them. Alex made new worlds with every campaign, spending entire weeks worldbuilding down to entire personality profiles and written physical descriptions for every NPC (and insisting this was the only way to DM properly for me, showing me incredible disapproval whenever I used a more improv-heavy DM’ing style and telling me I wasn’t going about it right). Whenever he made these worlds, you had to make an entirely new character to fit that world. No redos. Suffice it to say, all of us ran out of character ideas quickly, and eventually simply didn’t want to make characters anymore.
That’s the core issue, so feel free to stop reading there if that’s already a lot. But, if you’re hungry for more, there’s more, all in the delightful flavours of gaslighting, manipulation and general emotional abuse. God knows I have the need to get it all out in writing at this point, so if you do read on, I hope this is both enjoyable and serves as insight into some serious and harder-to-read red flags than your typical stories. I’ll write up the problems we faced and stories in sections from here.
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1.) “Your game will fail unless you only run it for 10 sessions, tops. Otherwise, it’s doomed. You might as well cancel if you don’t want to do that, because I know your style, and you’re not the sort of DM who can manage a big game.”
Alex runs his games in a very ‘compact’ way, taking modules of D&D and crunching them down to about ten or so sessions. Whenever we raised concerns about this, he’d always insist that this was the way our group needed to run these games, or we’d ‘lose interest and the campaign would collapse’. The result of this was a heavily railroaded, watered-down version of D&D where our characters were funnelled into situations we didn’t truly get a say in.
Alex always seemed to initially support and enjoy my campaigns. He was incredibly helpful from a mentoring standpoint and gave me no end of advice that, honestly, was very good in the early years. I attribute much of my players’ happiness in my games to his lessons. Though the advice became more questionable in recent years, he always told me he enjoyed my worlds a lot and wanted to play in them.
However, in the last two years, five of the games I’ve run have seen the same cycle occur. Alex joins as a player for session one with a beautifully thought-out character and decked-out character sheet. The characters are almost always a bit edgy and reflect some of his personal flaws, but that’s okay. We all often made characters like that. It doesn’t harm anyone and can actually be quite fun, especially for the player, so I allow it. They usually have a good chunk of reflavouring to bend the rules. Again, totally okay; it’s small things like allowing for STR-modifiers on bows, like Pathfinder’s Composite Longbows, or having a rope wound round their starting spear so they can pull it back after throwing. A lot of the reflavours are really cool, and reflect Alex’s talent for building interesting and compelling characters off the bat.
We play session one. It’s usually well-liked with some small issues that get brought up, oftentimes pacing. Alex had us run this routine for a long time of giving reviews of sessions when they were done, rating them out of ten and giving likes and dislikes. If the session scored an aggregate score of 80% of less between all players, whether it was him or me DM’ing, he considered it a failure and made his views known through his behaviour and how he spoke to you afterwards. If session one of my games were very successful and loved by all, he’d stick around for another. If a single session beyond that was ever simply ‘good’ or ‘great’ rather than ‘outstanding’, he’d be very cold, then lose all his enthusiasm and go very quiet about the game.
Then, he’d make excuses about not being able to attend for the next sessions. I’d often try and postpone to accommodate him (much to the others’ frustration when it became more common to postpone than actually play), and he’d quite fairly insist on having the group run without him - but he was my mentor. He was the one who supported me and taught me to DM. Honestly, I was quite codependent on him in an unhealthy way, much like all of us to a smaller extent. At the time, I felt I needed him to see and approve of my campaigns to be truly happy.
Eventually though, it didn’t matter what I did. After enough weeks or months had passed (and especially quickly if I began running sessions without Alex, as per his suggestion), Alex would pop into my DMs out of nowhere and begin suggesting I kill my own campaigns that he hadn’t played in for any longer than the openings.
Alex stuck around in my games for no longer than two sessions, and that wasn’t even continuous. Each time, he successfully convinced me to kill the campaign afterwards. I always hard a sharp reaction of “What?! Why? No!” to him at first, but then he’d start talking. “It had a weak start”, “You can do better”, “They don’t really like your game. I know what they like, so-and-so does this when they like a game and did you see them do that in yours?”, “The other players will understand. You’re the DM, too! Your fun matters!”. Every time, I was steadily made, usually over private voice calls that lasted multiple hours, to believe that I didn’t enjoy my own games. In truth, I actually enjoyed them plenty and loved them dearly until Alex started working that Natural 20 Persuasion of his.
It wasn’t until the fifth one where two of my players, rightfully so, confronted me. I’d run eight sessions without Alex, and they were having a lot of fun with the game. It was the furthest we’d ever gotten in one of my games with Alex hovering around our server. The two players both adored their characters. They had a LOT of roleplay planned out. They had been fawning over the world. They were sick of me letting Alex cancel their games over, and over, and over again.
They demanded an explanation from me. I began very calm and thought they were acting irrationally, running Alex’s reasonings through my mind. Alex was preparing to run his own game (again) and had spent three months prepping for it. Yes, this game later crashed and died after two sessions solely because Alex refused to run it again despite us asking for more, but at the time, Alex had convinced me this was the One:™: that would survive… again. Alex told me it would be selfish to continue with my game if we ran frequently at all, such as a weekly or biweekly schedule, as it would ‘take the focus away from [his] game’. In his words, “the only way you can do this without quite frankly sacrificing this new game I’ve worked on is to run it once a month, if that, maybe once every three months.” He calmly and gently, in that all-too-rational voice, described to me that it’s only natural that players in two or three games at once would naturally like one more than the other. If they liked my game more, his efforts would be wasted. My game had less work put into it than his given I clearly didn’t work as hard as he did on my worlds, which he’d spend countless hours daily for months on, and so it wasn’t fair to him for me to take the spotlight away from his new campaign. Equally, another player was running an ailing game that we both knew and admitted to each other sadly was not going to last due to their personal circumstances, but Alex insisted that I’d be doing that player a disservice by taking the light off their game, too.
My players questioned me, having a hunch that Alex was the reason I’d cancelled yet another game, and I proved them right by parroting this rhetoric to them. They felt extremely hurt I put Alex’s feelings ahead of theirs and challenged every word, and not without reason. As I had the conversation, I gradually found myself stopping short of sentences, losing my train of thought - everything I was repeating from Alex to placate my players was making less and less sense. I felt myself getting angry and upset mid-conversation as I realised I’d killed a campaign that my players and I loved for no real good reason, and upset them and myself deeply as a result. I logged off shortly after.
Without inserting personal problems too much into this, it’s worth noting I do have moderate depression. It’s thankfully on the mend and I’m managing it well. The reason I mention it is because that night was the last time I experienced a severe suicidal episode, and made plans to end my life. I’m a very sensitive person naturally, but my codependence with him put me in a position where I realised I couldn’t get out of it without upsetting my players or Alex. Alex was still in my head after I sided with him, though, and I found myself feeling heart-wrenched and guilty. I saw myself as the bad guy who was damaging Alex’s beloved new game and being a poor friend to our fellow player who ran their own. I took his reasoning as truth, and it made me believe I was a bad enough, inconsiderate person to not deserve to continue my life. Thankfully, I ended up in hospital and got further support and help for my state, and was home by the following afternoon.
Sadly enough, Alex was already then in a state of barely messaging any of us, or taking literally weeks to reply to us. My best friend, who I felt owed me a serious apology but I couldn’t stand up to, never learned nor to this day knows he put me in hospital overnight with his selfishness. It makes me furious to this day, and I’m no longer convinced he would even care if he learned that. We now believe Alex simply never wanted anyone else to DM; or, at least, DM successfully. He wasn’t exactly supportive of our mutual friend’s campaign, either.
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2.) “Considering you clearly can’t take down his challenge alone, like ALL your challenges, my DMPC/the random inconsequential NPC finishes off the BBEG for you.”
Secondly, Alex had a severe issue with deus ex machina. Overpowered supportive NPCs we never asked for help from were used over and over again to make our player characters feel clownish, and destroyed our own hopes for and perceptions of them. He had an intensely-ingrained philosophy of applying JRPG mechanics or design ideas from his favourite recently-played video games into his D&D campaigns, and designed them quite literally as if he was a director on such a project.
Alex introduced various restrictive, arbitrary video-gamey mechanics into his campaigns that destroyed our immersion and punished us for things we had no agency to control. In one recent game, we had a period of time - a week - to resolve a serious incoming invasion of an army upon the capital city of the setting. We were level 3, and this was our first quest as a party, the hook being that we were prophesied heroes who everyone looked upon with great awe and expectations. We were told that for every day we did something to prepare, we would be forced to take an ‘off-day’ where we were physically incapable of doing anything to prepare. No reason was given. Later, we were told a consequence of ‘our actions’ were that the people of the city considered us lazy and were growing restless with the fact we were sitting around and doing nothing, despite the fact Alex had insisted we must spend those days essentially jacking off in a tavern with nothing better on our minds. We weren’t even allowed to roleplay during these off-days or handle downtime tasks. It was a small thing, but each of us felt frustrated. Our characters wouldn’t have sat around doing nothing, or if they did need a rest, they would’ve used that time to talk and get to know each other better, considering they’d only just met and needed to work together on an impossible-seeming suicide mission. As such, we were incredibly unsatisfied. Any attempts at roleplaying were often cut short and we were ushered along very quickly to the ‘next bit of content’ before we could exchange any more than a couple of sentences.
And don’t get me started on feeling useless or clownish. We told Alex out of character that we loved his DMPC’s personality and characterisation, because it was legit really good. Remember, Alex was an truly amazing storyteller and great actor. However, we didn’t want him to one-up us. If he had a DMPC, he was a fellow player and had the same limitations as a player. “I promise,” Alex had told us.
At level 11, Alex hurled a CR 27 custom dragon at us for a chase sequence that we only survived because his DMPC stopped the carriage and cut a mountain in half with his sword. For reference, this is the first time we, as players, had ever faced a dragon in his games, and the fucking thing was more jacked statblock-wise than an Ancient Red Dragon. I saw it. This thing would wipe a level 20 party. It would rival Tiamat. This wasn’t an encounter we were supposed to stumble into, Alex insisted, but beforehand, he had made a hidden roll and made a small awkward laugh as if he’d randomly gotten it on a random encounter table. I’ve co-DM’d with Alex before. Alex does not use random encounter tables. He had the statblock ready to go in our Roll20 while we were level 11, and he doesn’t fill in stats unless he expects to use that creature soon. He often forced us into ridiculously dangerous fights where we’d need outside help to win and could never handle problems for ourselves. This was deliberate, and I firmly believe that, though I have honestly no clue why except to further highlight how weak our party was compared to his DMPC and saviour NPCs.
During the final battle of the first arc of that game, level 10, his same DMPC fought the final boss by himself while half the party were in a basement fighting a much weaker henchman whose CR no longer posed us a threat, then barely escaping a stupidly high escape-DC instant death explosion as a ‘cool set piece’ that felt more like an unnecessary, unfair death trap to ‘up the stakes’. We got up top just in time to see him move into a pocket dimension where he claimed each strike he made against the BBEG was for us. It was absolutely insulting. We had the entire final boss and BBEG stolen from us and relegated to a DMPC’s personal moment. We were cool with DMPCs getting their own arcs and personal moments, but not that, dear fucking god. If it’d been another party member getting to 1v1 the final boss from the get-go until victory then we’d be just as upset. This was supposed to be a group challenge.
Two of our characters never even saw the BBEG’s face during the entire campaign. Before that game died, I’d actually intended to bring it up in roleplay - “huh, what did that guy even look like? I never actually saw him.” Cheeky, I know, but we were all getting upset. That said, Alex proclaimed himself a forever DM (partially now we realise because he never could accept that other DMs don’t tend to run how he does and feels the need to always do it himself), and the guilt of telling him he couldn’t or shouldn’t get to roleplay as a DMPC was too thick for us to deal with at that time. His life was in a shit place. This was one of the few things that made him happy. Nobody wanted to be the one to tell him his precious hero was overpowered and too much. Do that, and you become the asshole of the group. You make things awkward.
Alex’s character was a Paladin-Sorcerer-Warlock multiclass at one point. Roleplay reasoning? None. No, literally none. I can see the Sorcerer side a teeny bit, sure. But he took no Oath or Pact at any point. He just suddenly had the full class switchup after a solo fight scene earlier in the campaign with the BBEG (it lasted twenty minutes. Yes, we sat and watched. Yes, that was more okay to us - again, we approved for him to have some sort of personal moment here and there, but it was frustrating that he was getting the bulk of the interaction with the BBEG even back then). He came to me, knowing I liked my build theorycrafting and number-crunching, and asked me for a powerful nova class build. I suggested it the Paladin-Sorcerer-Warlock and suggested Order Of The Stick if he wanted to know more, but joked that he’d need to be careful given how powerful it was and that it might make us all feel useless. He insisted he’d take it easy, did his research, respecc’d his character from barbarian, and then proceeded to blow everything up whilst acting very stunned and surprised at the table at his own damage output.
He later reclassed to Rogue, but then proceeded to still do similar nova damage by conveniently ignoring the “one Sneak Attack per round” limitation with his self-given magic item that gave multiple strikes, claiming his character ‘had something that let him do that’. This meant his character was frequently dealing about 50 damage per round without crits at level 8 when most of us didn’t have magical weapons yet, and were still using starting gear except for the odd trinket.
He gave himself a Vestige of Divergence (a scaling, personalised unique magic weapon tailored for the character from Critical Role) before any other member of the party. And boy, did he get is EARLY. Very, very early. We’d each been promised one ‘eventually’ at my own suggestion to Alex, and we were all very excited. What wonderful, flavourful and personalised artifacts would we each be getting our hands on? I hoped for a cool cane or walking stick. I was told no, you’re getting a staff. Alright, okay, sure. It’s still going to be personalised and unique and implement my character’s personality and story arcs in its design, right?
Only one other party member ever got one. By the time they did, Alex’s DMPC’s Vestige had already Awakened (hit tier 2 out of 3 in terms of power) and gave him ridiculous abilities and bonuses (+2 CHA, +2 to-hit and damage, additional damage dice on-hit, ranged attacks with 8d6 damage per short rest, other assorted abilities) that elevated him far above the rest of us. Even worse, the one party member who did get one got an axe that was barely better than his non-magical starting one and had an incredibly niché blood-tracking ability that didn’t make much sense for the character’s playstyle, nor would likely ever come up in play more than once. Though thematically suited to the character, by comparison functionally, it was a joke of a weapon.
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3.) “Fiction is reality with the boring bits taken out. So, no downtime, money or resting when you want to.”
Thirdly, Alex’s condensed style meant half of D&D 5e went out the window. Resting was bizarre. During a two-week ship journey across an ocean that our characters were forced into when his DMPC became king of a player character’s tribe (which said player character should’ve been king of at that point, by the way - this is also the player who received the borderline-useless Vestige of Divergence axe), we weren’t allowed a long rest. Why? “For the sake of this journey, you need to be somewhere safe to rest.” We were on a caravan of longboats with sheltered bedding quarters and allied warriors! You’re telling us we can’t have 8 hours to sleep once in those two weeks and get our resources back?!
We never saw money, ever. None of us ever had more than 150 gold pieces in our pockets. NPCs didn’t pay us because we didn’t ‘do quests’, we were ferried along a storyline where we weren’t ever employed by NPCs but instead always chasing a BBEG with no promise of pay except for magic items dropped by powerful foes along the way: like a video game. This wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that in the one game that survived for a time, Alex’s DMPC was given 5,000 gold pieces for free despite having no use for it except getting to say he was richer than the rest of us. Shopping came up exactly once in that campaign and never again, and the party were financially indebted to his character whenever payments came up. This meant many spells, items, downtime activities and such were off the table, and many spells or items were utterly useless. Rest encounters never came up, so Alarm, Leomund’s Tiny Hut and clever trap or camouflage techniques had no use here (but Alex still let you waste spell/item choices on them without a word). We never got to have cushy campfire roleplay as a casual, on-a-whim thing. Considering we never decided where to go or what to do and were told when we needed to seek a tavern for rest, money became an object of ‘how much do you want to have your wallet taxed to stay in this next chapter of Alex’s book overnight?’. Travel was turned into a minigame using yet another arbitrary video-game esque system that, ironically enough, slowed it down to a crawl and made roleplaying with each other during the travel very difficult due to how it split the party and made them go do very different things, very far away from each other.
Many spells didn’t work or had their effects handwaved away. During a travel minigame, we had to hunt for food - our Druid realised they had Create Food and Water prepared specifically because travel was ahead, and happily pitched using it to, as per the spell, create enough food to sustain us. The DM realised this would mean no hunting DC check and no chance of failure because of intelligent planning and expending limited resources, so naturally, he told the Druid that the spell ‘wouldn’t sustain you for the journey’. When the Druid mentioned they could cast it every day, the “you can’t long rest for weeks” bullshit arose again. Oh no, you all slept, you just don’t gain spell slots back or anything until I say so. For clarification, there was no prior discussion or agreement for this random, unexpected switch to what was essentially Gritty Realism long rest rules (or worse than gritty realism, considering the time was often two weeks instead of one for the rest). We were just informed it was the case when we tried to play the game as we expected it.
Many spells were banned at higher levels. I played a Wizard for it, and Alex didn’t like the Wizard. He didn’t like the fact they could bypass his encounters with clever problem solving, despite the fact it’s a core appeal of the class and requires limited resources and creative thinking to do so. Of course, I wasn’t aware of this until we were already too far into the game to make a change, and it wasn’t because Alex said so; it’s because of how he treated the Wizard as a class. It wasn’t until I hit level 13 and was genuinely excited to use spells like Magnificent Mansion for roleplay (my character wanted to give the gift of a custom-designed, comfortable home to our party) that Alex told me such spells were banned. Here’s a few and the reasonings why.
Magnificent Mansion: Our party travelled around in a carriage. I wanted to use this to show off my character’s growing mastery of the arcane and finally prove themselves as USEFUL to the party, giving them the beautiful gift of a comfortable home - something many of them had said in roleplay they wanted someday. It would be wonderful progression and open up great roleply. Alex said no. He wanted the party to be stuck in the dingy, rotten carriage that is owned by his DMPC for ‘thematic reasons’.
Illusory Dragon: One of the few lategame illusion spells. Was told I’d be allowed to use it as a ‘cool final attack’ in combat exactly once, “maybe in a big boss as a combo attack with another player or something, because it’ll become boring if you reuse it”.
Mirage Arcane: Another lategame illusion spell I’d been pumped for for a very long time. Was told no when the time came to choose my 7th-level spells, because shaping the terrain around us would trivialise his travel minigame and make the navigation DC almost impossible to fail - as if it wouldn’t be resource expenditure, a form of problem solving inherent to my chosen class and subclass specialism, and part of the expected adventuring solutions a Tier 3 play party may employ.
In case you can’t tell, being locked out of the most exciting spells in the game sucked a lot of the fun and excitement out of playing what had been becoming my favourite class for me. I had mostly no damage-dealing options and was specc’d to be all about utility, but I was already deliberately avoiding spells like Simulacrum, Clone, Contingency and Magic Jar so as to not be difficult for Alex. These bans were on top of my own self-imposed limitations. Ironically, Alex criticised that my spellbook didn’t have a lot of illusion spells at one point considering I was supposed to be an illusionist. Gee, thanks, Alex. It’s not like my Silent Images, Minor Illusions and Major Images have not worked even once because all your enemies have traits to hard-counter them, and you’ve banned all my interesting options at higher level until I’m stuck taking Chain-fucking-Lightning on my happy-go-lucky pacifist Wizard who doesn’t want to hurt anyone. Even worse, we never saw a single spell scroll or spellbook. I didn’t get to scribe any new spells. I was playing a worse Sorcerer who did nothing of value in combat. I could not have felt less useless or happy in my class choice - it was the first time I’d played a Wizard, and I desperately wanted to play a utility/support caster who helped solve problems without resorting to violence all the time. I realised very quickly that didn’t fit with Alex’s JRPG game design and the railroad forcing us into combat for ‘pacing reasons’. In his words; “No, no. I’ll be real here, think about it - we’ve tried ‘classic’ D&D. You don’t like classic D&D, not really. Our table wants a quicker game with proper pacing, whether or not you realise it now.”
I still vividly recall a pre-established PvP scenario where myself and one other characters (a Wizard and a Druid respectively, Level 10) were placed in an arena with a newly-introduced PC after a character death. This new PC started as a servant of the BBEG and needed to be fought and convinced to fight for us, with Alex and the player working together on an admittedly very cool boss fight sort of deal. We went in with the awareness that the Boss-PC would, in this area, have Lair Actions, Legendary Resistance and the full shebang. We were also clearly informed in advance that the Boss-PC had permission to kill our characters if it made sense.
We beat the Boss-PC by the skin of our teeth, but the debate after was tense. My Druid friend was down and I needed a way to guarantee her safety so I could stabilise her before she died. Afraid my not-so-charismatic Wizard wouldn’t be able to convince the Boss-PC to be nice before she bled out, I realised he had no Legendary Resistances left and pulled what I thought would be the perfect move - Sleep. He had a smattering of hit points left. No Legendary Resistance, no save. It was guaranteed to work, and meant a minute of time to get the Druid up, be safe, and then restrain and wake up the Boss-PC to have a full conversation with them - ask them who they were, have some fun roleplay, make it a memorable moment where they come aboard the team. It’d also mean the Druid’s player would get to be a part of the roleplay of convincing our new party member to join us, and I wanted to include them on this cool moment.
“... and I cast Sleep.”
Instead, Alex immediately guffaws laughing, and so does the Boss-PC player, wheezing and shouting “NO! OOHHHH, NO! NO! NO, YOU IDIOT! YOU JUST KILLED [the Druid]! WHY DID YOU DO THAT? THAT WAS SO STUPID! YOU HAD IT! YOU HAD IT! YOU THREW IT AWAY!”. These two knew my sensitive spot is having my intelligence insulted. I don’t think I’m a very smart person. In fact, I’m very, very self-conscious about it, and they know fully well how much that very-much-not-joking statement would hurt. In the moment, I became furious, horrified that Alex had just twisted the rules to give favouritism to the Boss-PC at the end of the fight to make the Druid’s now all-but-guaranteed death my fault - make me look like a clown who messed up.
I asked to retcon the move if that was the case and said ‘it’s bullshit otherwise’, and Alex immediately dropped the laughter and took on a dark tone. It was a clear-cut ‘you’ve fucked up’ tone. “No. I’m the DM. What I say, goes. If I’m bending the rules, that’s what I’m doing. I’ll let you take it back, but don’t you dare say that’s bullshit. It’s not.”
Alex never apologised for this. The Boss-PC player taunted me after the game and further insulted me by saying it was a stupid thing to do, rubbing it in that it almost got my fellow player’s beloved character killed. Worst of all, I felt like the bad guy afterwards, again. I left a completely heartfelt and self-flagellating apology in Alex’s DMs that was paragraphs long, to which I received a simple, cold ‘Just make sure it doesn’t happen again. It was very disruptive’.
At the time, everyone was on board with Alex, because it was Alex. Of course they were. I would’ve been if it was another player at the table. Now, after we’ve removed ourselves from his influence, the other players have come to see my side of events. I actually posted a story on DnD about it a while back asking for advice on how to better handle DM rulings like that personally, and received no shortage of comments telling me my DM sounded like a bad egg and that they’d be mad too. At the time, of course, I dismissed them and responded with ‘no no, you don’t understand! He’s an AMAZING DM!”.
Later shenanigans involving making our characters feel clownish or useless beyond not being able to ever achieve anything on their own include;

• Retconning in a crowd of people to visibly watch me cast Mass Suggestion, who were not implied to be there previously, so as to make my character HATED by the local community and vilified for mind-controlling their friends - something that got rubbed in both in- and out-of-character.
• Forcing a character to kill an innocent NPC ‘by accident’ with one ever so slightly failed roll, and then not allowing roleplay time afterwards to have the character express their thoughts or discuss the event with their party.
• Usurping the grand reward of a player character’s personal quest arc by instilling his own DMPC as the new leader of that character’s tribe.
• Often designing enemies to be immune to our parties’ spellcasters specialisms (elemental damage and illusions, the latter of which enemies ALWAYS saw through or resisted the effects of, no matter what), eventually introducing an entire faction of mecha-suits that had permanent and infallible anti-magic fields around them
• Ruling the Wild Magic Surge feat actually cancels the spell you originally intended to cast but still consumes the spell slot, hard-nerfing the character for something that was supposed to be flavourful and fun
• Insisting on rolling the Wild Magic Surge table himself, privately, and rerolling whenever he got a boring (read: positive for the playeparty) result - combined with the above point, this made the character an incredible liability to the party and manifested in much of the party not trusting the character to do anything, and treating them like a child, destroying the vision for the character
• Having an NPC shittalk a PC for issues Alex had with the IRL player, breaking the fourth wall and making them feel incredibly unwelcome at the table - yes, we all picked up on it
• Not giving the party any time to roleplay after deeply impactful or personally traumatic events; party member freshly resurrected from the dead for the first time ever? No, you just focus on travel wordlessly for the next two weeks. They don’t get to talk about the experience until almost a month later when I say “you now have roleplay time”, because that makes sense.
• As mentioned previously, not letting some party characters even ever see the BBEG or be personally involved in taking them down. The worst case of this was, as a clue, a BBEG who had the entire module named after him.

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We're not even done yet. Told you this was a long one! I'll post the second half shortly and provide a link to it here.

Content Warnings: Emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, suicidal thoughts
Note: This is Part 2 of a story. Part 1 can be found here.
Please know that I wrote this horror story about three weeks ago. Since then, enough new horror on top has come to light about this DM to write another story of similar length, involving false rape allegations, sexual predation, demanding and controlling behaviour, turning friends against each other, lying about his day-to-day life and age to appear older than us, spreading false rumours about us to each other, pity-farming, exploiting another very vulnerable player to worship him, and much more. This is a story that just seems to get worse and worse the more our group of survivors talk about it. That said, I hope you enjoy this initial dose of horror. Happy reading.
Continuing on from the last post...
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4.) “They just bring drama into our group. We’re all friends, we don’t need that. D&D shouldn’t have drama in it.”
Fourthly, if you ever spoke your mind or stood up for yourself, Alex’s position and the loyalty of everyone else meant he could easily turn your friends on you. It happened to the former problem player I mentioned. Don’t get me wrong, we had some tension with them that was uncomfortable to manage at the table and as a group of friends.
Thing is, that wasn’t that bad. It’s something we could’ve talked through with them or worked out as friends. Instead, Alex wormed his way into our heads and painted the player to be an irrational, emotionally abusive influence on his own mental health. In truth, Alex and that player never talked outside of the game, so any interaction they’d had, we’d also seen. I don’t claim to lack responsibility for what happened next myself; Alex became cold and downright hostile to the player and their husband, mocked them for their character roleplay choices not fitting his own wishes, accused them of not demonstrating value to us as friends (ironic, considering Alex’s utter lack of this himself today), and convinced each of us to side with him against them or face similar treatment from him. I was the most involved of all of our players in this, and genuinely believed every word Alex said. I grew to hate the player and their husband, enabled and even echoed Alex’s words to them. When the husband came pleading to me for a reasonable ear privately, outside of Alex’s earshot, I immediately screenshotted the conversations and sent them to Alex for ‘advice on how to handle this’. I let him influence my thoughts, and thought the others didn’t campaign with me to defend Alex, the sentiment towards the two players was grim. We all wanted them gone. Sadly, it’s only now that we realise that we (and especially I) made a mistake, and that there were no issues that we couldn’t have just talked out. Alex just wanted them gone because their characters didn’t fit his narrated audiobook he called a campaign, and they refused to mold them to his whims. To this day, we’ve had zero contact with those two players and they post hurtful and largely false things about us on their Twitters still, but I can’t say I blame them. I enabled Alex’s treatment of them, and for this specific issue, arguably makes me just as bad.
If you had a problem with the game itself, Alex had a way of very quickly and easily making it appear as if you were the only one who had the issue. If you went and talked to the others about it, that very often revealed itself to be untrue - in those cases, we’d say to Alex “hey, can we have the game go a bit more like this?”. He’d then either promise a change and never deliver (the games having such huge time gaps between them that it was hard to track any actual changes, going months at a time with no D&D at points) or would carefully pick apart our requests to ‘show’ us how wrong and ill-advised we were, and how he knew what was best for us and what we actually wanted as a group.
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5.) “You shouldn’t DM. It’s a lot of work. You wouldn’t be able to do it.”
Fifthly, Alex refused to let anyone be liked as a DM. I recently learned he outright told one of our players that they ‘can’t DM - it’d be too hard for you, too much work for you’. I was fuming when I heard this. There’s zero wrong with said player, and they were terrified and too anxious to DM as a result, and still don’t wish to to this day despite earlier expressing an interest in it. I managed to convince them to try an experimental, casual, just-for-fun one-on-on one-shot with me where we played a PC and DMPC, and they tried DM’ing with some tips and rule help from me… and they smashed it. They enjoyed it, have a talent for it. But even after a few more oneshots, they only ever felt comfortable one-on-one’ing with me, because Alex had engrained a message that they would never be able to do it and that a group would simply ridicule them. It breaks my fucking heart.
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6.) “You’re not good at this. I know you’ve been doing your artistic hobby for years, but you should go back to basics. I know better than you. I’ve been doing it longer than you.”
Sixthly, he put us down whenever we dared to show him something we’d worked on and/or were proud of. I’ve mentioned how he deliberately convinced me to shut down my D&Ds - my projects I was immeasurably passionate about and happy with, and my players often were, too, but it goes beyond that.
If we showed him a piece of artwork, or a small piece of work-in-progress writing with the understanding that we were rusty, or still learning, and just wanted to show a cool thing we did to our friend, we were met with immediate, cold criticism - not at first in our friendships, but always in the last two years.
Artwork you spent hours on and is your best work yet? “You really need to work on this material. Go back to the basics and learn.”
Not a lick of positivity. This is on top of the fact you can barely catch him in messages for weeks at a time anymore (claiming he’s busy working on his writing but making no time for his ‘friends’), so when you do and he’s ignored half of your messages from the last few weeks and singles out your Cool Thing™, the only interaction you receive at all from him is being shat on. Constructive criticism is okay, and good - but that, only that, especially when many times we simply wanted to show him what we were working on and go “hey, quite proud of this :)”, was demoralising and humiliating.
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After Alex
There’s a happy ending to this. We’ve stopped talking to Alex. He doesn’t know yet, but given he never messages us and gives us a reason to message him anymore, hard to say how long until he’ll realise his best friends for the last five years have vanished. We’ve found, through one of our mutual friends, an absolutely incredible DM and awesome person who is over the moon to have us, and we already love dearly. He’s appreciative of where we’ve come from as players and runs a simple but true game of D&D where the players have agency, the DM isn’t a god, and everyone at the table is a storyteller - not just the author and the audience, respectively.
Those dead-in-the-water characters who never got their lease of life? All of us have been allowed to bring them back and play them. I get to play my beloved, flashy Illusion Wizard, and their illusions are actually useful to the party without feeling like a liability to anyone. The others have got to bring back their favourite characters from my campaigns that Alex convinced me to shut down, and we all couldn’t be happier. Every victory we achieve, we earn ourselves, against challenges we can reasonably overcome with enough time, effort, smarts and teamwork. For the first time in years of D&D, as players, we feel like heroes. Our characters are given all the room we want to roleplay together, build relationships, become closer, have drama... the lot, and all we’ve ever wanted out of our D&D.
As a DM? I promised to my players that I’d run a campaign that’d actually finish. We talked, and agreed to consciously lower the bar we’ve been mentally conditioned to hold for D&D because of Alex. Our game doesn’t have to be an incredible rollercoaster epic that’s over in 10 sessions. Not every session has to have the perfect pacing of a well-written TV show episode. It’s okay to have quieter sessions where not a lot gets done, or has lulls in the plot because the party want to pursue something different. That’s okay. All we all want is consistency: a game that runs once a week and won’t die.
We’re on session three and so far, everyone is over the moon and in love with the arrangement. I’ve stopped using the railroad-heavy, JRPG video game-esque session design Alex drilled into me and embraced improv with light structuring. The players and their characters, and their visions for their characters, not mine, come first… and I love it. I’ve been surprised by the party’s direction several times already, and they adore getting to finally steer the ship themselves instead of being told where they’ll go and what they’ll do next. We’ve had heart-to-hearts about it daily for the last three weeks and are amazed at how much we simply feel happy about D&D now. The DM we found even plays in my game now and couldn’t be happier himself: in a poetic twist, he, too, has got to bring back a beloved old character concept an older DM of his ruined, and we’ve already become very close-knit as a group.
For the first time in three years, I no longer experience panic attacks leading up to and after sessions. I no longer feel compelled to rehearse a voice for hours before a session, or to seek in-depth roleplaying feedback afterwards out of fear I played my own character ‘wrong’ or ‘not found their voice yet’. I no longer dread character creation or development out of the expectation that the campaign will die after exactly one or two sessions, and that my efforts will have gone to waste. I no longer feel I have to play an optimised-out-the-ass character just to compete with insane odds. I no longer feel I have to play the character my DM wants me to play, out of fear that I’ll be ridiculed, judged and isolated from the group’s social dynamic if I don’t.
Saying goodbye to the closest friend I’ve ever had hurts deeply, but doing so has been the best decision I’ve ever made. Dungeons & Dragons isn’t a book. It isn’t a film. It isn’t a stage play. No matter how much of a theatre kid you are, no matter how much you write pages of backstory and custom incantations and deeply immerse yourself in your character and the world, at the end of the day, it’s a social game with your friends. We’re all nerds sat around a table and throwing bits of (sometimes virtual) plastic at each other and putting on silly voices, and that’s okay. That’s much of the fun. Everyone is equal, and everyone respects each other not because of terms like ‘DM’ or ‘player’, but because they’re friends and care for each other beyond the game.
That’s what D&D should be to me. And boy, am I glad to have finally found it.
​
tl;dr - our best friend of five years manipulates us into believing his shitty behaviour is okay and guilt-tripping us into parroting that his DM’ing is worship-worthy. We kick out friends who are troublesome but not unsalvageable at his behest, are humiliated ourselves by him often, are made goofy sidekicks to his god-powered DMPC for a year-long game, watch 24 games die in three years, have our beloved characters constantly made mockeries of and all suffer damaged mental health states as a result. We’ve moved on without telling him. We all feel much, much better.

Introduction:

It's basically trite at this point to say this year has been challenging, but one positive out of everything is that I've been fortunate enough to have the time and funds to play a huge number of games that I've heard so much about, yet never was able to before now. I grew up on almost exclusively Nintendo games and then branched out to indie games in college I could play on my laptop, so I was more than excited when I bought the base PS4 that came bundled with God of War, Last of Us, and Horizon Zero Dawn for $200 (and I snagged Bloodborne for $15 while I was at it).
What ensued was a year of frenzied gaming-- never in any year of my life have I played games as much as I did this year. I enjoyed it, but there were also some surprising drawbacks to placing such an emphasis on gaming as a primary hobby, and I'll discuss those towards the conclusion. But man, there were some absolutely fantastic games that I played this year and I want to share my thoughts on them! Not every game I played this year was PS4, but most were.
Since literally every game I played this year was a good game, I have stratified my rankings into three overarching tiers: Best, Great, and Good. I was lucky enough to not even need a Meh tier this year. Lots of games within the same tier could probably have their orders switched, but I did my best. And all but two of these games I was patient™ on, which is a fun side note.
Disclaimer*:* These rankings reflect my personal opinions on the experience I had after finishing the game, rather than my thoughts on its overall quality as a product for everyone. There are a few rankings that are sure to ruffle some feathers-- I know that God of War, RDR2, Journey, Undertale, and Nier: Automata for example are great games, but they didn't resonate with me nearly as much as some others. So know that I appreciate them and those who hold these games so dear.
Without further ado, let's get going!

The BEST:

1. Bloodborne (PS4): Quite simply, I'm still chasing the feeling I had after playing this game for the first time. So much so you could say, that I played it 7 times this year. Never has a game enraptured me with its shocking world, brutal combat, and the best DLC I've ever played. I want to talk about Bloodborne (and all the souls games, really) constantly, learn everything about them, and play them forever.

1. Last of Us Part II (PS4): One of two games I broke being patient™ on, I waited a couple months before diving in just to stop working to avoid spoilers. I enjoyed the first game but this absolutely blew me out of the water. On a gameplay level I couldn't believe how fluid and visceral the combat was, how immense the encounters were with countless approaches to every situation, and how fun it was to play. The narrative was challenging and forced me to grapple with the same emotions as the protagonist initially, then brilliantly the player and character on divergent emotional tracks as you become more shocked and uncomfortable with what happens. I encourage anyone who hasn't yet to play with an open mind and avoid trying to reduce the story to a single theme or message. It may not be your cup of tea, but it was mine.

3. Outer Wilds (PS4): This game feels like it was made just for me. I love space and rocket physics, I love discovery, and I love it when a game makes me feel clever. The level of wonder and curiosity I felt while playing can only be compared to what I experienced with Breath of the Wild. This game is difficult to talk about without spoilers, but if discovery and outer space get you excited, there is nothing like Outer Wilds.

1. Dark Souls III (PS4): Yeah, I like souls games. While certainly less groundbreaking than DS1 and perhaps less atmospheric than Bloodborne, DS3 is a grand experience with, in my opinion, the best bosses in all the souls games. It's also the best souls game for experimenting with different playstyles without needing to watch 6 hours of VaatiVidya to figure out how to be a pyromancer.
   
2. Control (PS4): Objectively speaking, this game might not have the same merits as the others in the "Best" category. But it sucked me in with it's completely unique visual style. It felt like a strange acid trip and I was always excited to see what was next. The powers and combat were fun even if not terribly original (and even though the gunplay wasn't too strong) but I was completely enthralled by the nonchalance of the cast amid mind blowing supernatural activity. Far from a perfect game, but give it a chance if the style seems intriguing to you!
   

The Great:

1. The Last of Us Remastered (PS4): One of my most anticipated games when I picked up a PS4, having watched my friends play some of it. Though it didn't blow me away as much in 2020 as it might have in 2013, I thought it had decent gameplay, a great story, and a stunning world. The cities and post-apocalyptic environments were a pleasure to soak in, packed with detail, and well paced. Definitely a deserved classic.
   
2. Horizon Zero Dawn (PS4): In a lot of ways, this game isn't good as an open world game. It doesn't do a great job of compelling you to explore and engage with all the cool stuff it has. The sidequests are kind of bad, many characters forgettable and oddly animated. But this game is this high on the list because it's just so much fun taking down machine dinosaurs. They nailed gameplay in a technically beautiful world, and actually surprised me with the quality of the main story line. Not groundbreaking, but solid and a joy to play.
   
3. Death Stranding (PS4): For being one of the best games I have ever played, Death Stranding kinda sucks. I absolutely adored the premise and the world Kojima crafted, and delivering packages was really enjoyable. I loved figuring out traversal and just soaking in the graphics. I'm not one that normally cares about technical graphical showcases, but this game has made me reconsider how important graphics can be to an experience. Unfortunately, the dreadful gun mechanics, broken driving, constant NPC interjections, and the game's refusal to just end already kinda bogged it down. There's a lot here though that won me over and is an experience unlike anything I've ever played.
   
4. Animal Crossing: New Horizons (Nintendo Switch): The other game on this list I was not patient™ for, since I bought it for my wife... and then got sucked in. Truth is, as a non-creative type, I just loved this game as an outlet for my creativity and expression. I loved having projects like my zen garden, my Domino's Pizza restaurant, and then getting to share them with my friends. I've heard it said something along the lines of "It wasn't the best game of 2020, but it was the game for 2020".
   
5. The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt (PS4): Once I adjusted my expectations of what this game was and was not, it was great. While it doesn't reward open exploration as much as BoTW and Skyrim did, it simply has the best quests of any open world game I've played. Very rich environments and stories, and I even thought the gameplay was more than serviceable. It did kind of drag on by the end though. Also, disclaimer, I haven't played the DLC (sorry).
   
6. Return of the Obra Dinn (Nintendo Switch): I had hoped it would blow me away in a way similar to Outer Wilds, and while it didn't quite reach the same heights for me it was great nonetheless. I loved the nautical setting, the critical thinking and deduction required, and the way it was balanced perfectly between leaving you totally on your own and confirming bits at a time. My only real complaint is that I felt the true ending didn't really reveal anything about the story I didn't already know, I guess I expected some grand reveal.
   
7. Doom Eternal (PS4): White-knuckle, heart pounding, insane. The game forces you to engage with every mechanic it throws at you and is brutally challenging, but all in the best way. Though the gameplay was better than DOOM 2016, I actually preferred the latter since Eternal's levels felt more like a silly mario level than a tense demon-infested place. I get what they were going for and they executed well, I just prefer the more serious tone.
   
8. Hades (Nintendo Switch): Biggest surprise of the year for me, I didn't actually expect to like it. Hades is perfectly polished and a big step forward for integrating its excellent narrative with its roguelike structure. It's very easy to play without investing too much, making it great for unwinding. It deserves all the praise it's getting.
   
9. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (Remastered) (PS4): All the mainline Uncharted games are on this list but I enjoyed 2 the most. The set pieces were the most memorable, and I enjoyed almost every second. These games aren't as high on the list because, no matter how you dress it up, it's a pretty simple affair ultimately in terms of gameplay but it nails the style of game that it is.
   
10. Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice (PS4): An amazing game in its own right, but was ultimately disappointing for me as a From Software fan. I found that what I appreciated most about Souls games was the tension of not knowing if you could make it to the next checkpoint, the terror of encountering something surprising and having to deal with it. Sekiro litters checkpoints left and right, which is of course great for its more boss-focused design, but left me far less immersed in the environments personally. I also wished I had more options for playing aggressively rather than just memorizing the parry patterns. In any case, these gripes are my personal preferences coming through and any hardcore gamer owes it to themselves to conquer this behemoth of a challenge.
    
11. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2 (PS4): Pure, unadulterated fun. I was absolutely addicted to the core gameplay and the levels, especially in the first game, were so cool to explore. For me the core loop started to get stale by the time I finished all the challenges on the levels, but for those that wanted more there is almost an endless amount of bonus challenges to tackle.
    
12. Uncharted 4: A Thief's End (PS4): There's definitely a strong argument that this is the ultimate uncharted game to play-- best gunplay and options in encounters, by far the best puzzles, and the delivery of the story is leagues above the rest of the series. I simply think that Uncharted 2 had the highest highs, so 4 is a tad lower. That, and the beautiful story set up was not brought together in a satisfying way; it in no way felt like Drake had earned Elena's forgiveness, but they kind just glossed over it. Still, a must play and Naughty Dog games at their best.
    
13. Subnautica (PS4): I wanted to love it more than I did. I was hooked on exploring and discovering the mysteries of the alien underwater, but I think I do better with games with less of a survival focus. I got really far into the game, but didn't actually finish since eventually the slow drip of clues started to get a bit too slow for my tastes, and the survival and basebuilding began to get tedious. Minor PS4 technical issues aside though, This is a dang good survival game, and immense in a terrifying and wonderful way.
    
14. Monster Train (PC): Slay the Spire is one of my all-time favorites, so I was pretty excited to be gifted this. It's a blast as a deckbuilder, and I think it was smartly designed in how it throws significant and strong rewards at you at every phase of a run, whereas StS often forces you to make the best of an iffy situation. Had a great time, but I lost interest after 15 or so hours since most runs tend to feel fairly similar. Still would absolutely recommend for StS and deckbuilding fans.
    
15. Spelunky (PC): Not the hardest game I've ever played, but definitely the most unforgiving. The controls took a while to get used to but once I was engaged, the game is a tight, slick, and enthralling adventure and test of skills. Full of secrets (I've only scratched the surface) and deeply satisfying to conquer. But boy, is it unforgiving.
    
16. Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception (Remastered) (PS4): Another strong entry in the Uncharted series, just a tad weaker than 2 I think. I will credit it though with having the most memorable environments and locales in any Uncharted though!
    

The Good:

1. Read Dead Redemption II (PS4): *Full disclosure, I'm still playing through act 5 at the time of this post.* This one is really tough for me to fully form an opinion on. On the one hand, I think this is the most stunning and immersive open world I've ever seen. Deeply authentic towns, regions, unparalleled attention to detail, and great characters and a decent story. But the way the missions force you to do things explicitly one way with terrible hand-holding just isn't fun to me, and makes Uncharted games feel like open-world sandboxes by comparison. There's a lot of quality here and I've enjoyed many elements, but have been disillusioned by others. NakeyJakey explains what I felt far better than I can (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvJPKOLDSos&t=392s). Still a good time though.
   
2. God of War (PS4): Like RDR2, an incredible technical achievement, for me hands down the best looking PS4 game, best voice acting, and for most people this should be towards the top of your must-play list. At its best, the characters are great, the combat is crunchy and satisfying, and the world beautiful. I just felt that for far too often the game was far from its best-- too many combat encounters didn't feel like I was a God of War but rather smacking a giant meat sack of health, so many secrets and puzzles that I just stopped caring about because finding treasure chests isn't fun when the rpg/loot elements feel so tacked on and pointless, endlessly recycled bosses... for me it was just pretty good, nothing like the game of the generation in my eyes. That said, most people don't seem too bothered by the things I found mediocre, so the sheer spectacle (looking at you world serpent!) and great moments make this well worth the price of admission!
   
3. Undertale (PC): I did not play this game the way it was meant to be played, let's say that up front. It was a gift, and I played about a half an hour every month for a year and just finally finished it. I loved the music, it was charming, and I see why people love this game so much. I think it just didn't hit those highs for me and I was left with a fairly silly little 8-bit game. Which was good. I'm glad I experienced what it had to offer but didn't leave a huge mark on me.
   
4. Superhot (Google Stadia): I had wanted to play this game forever but couldn't justify spending $20 on it, so I was pleased when I got a free Google Stadia kit and got to play it free! Really neat blend of stylized retro computer flavor and a fabulous central time-stop mechanic. A great 2 hour experience but tough to recommend as more than a novelty.
   
5. NieR: Automata (PS4): I have made it through 1.5 playthroughs so I know I haven't gotten the full experience, but I wasn't enjoying it enough to continue. I think every game developer though should learn from the brilliance of this game-- constantly keeping the player on its toes by not confining itself by a genre and by focusing on what's fun and cool, rather than convention. Excellent music. I get the hype, and the healthy dose of existential musings was interesting... it just didn't ultimately click for me. I can't unequivocally recommend this game to everyone, but if the premise and style stand out to you, this could be your next all-time favorite game.
   
6. Star Wars Battlefront II (PS4): Picked this up for free with PS Plus, and while there's not a lot here that's that special it was honestly super nice comfort food gaming. I just enjoyed shooting stuff in really cool Star Wars settings, a franchise I love. For what it was, I had a blast, minus the fact that I personally feel Jedi/heroes really kinda ruin the game for me. Unfortunately, it also is nothing more than a basic mass multiplayer battlefield game, so don't expect anything crazy.
   
7. Uncharted: Drake's Fortune (Remastered) (PS4): Definitely weaker than its successors, but still a really fun romp with trope-y but effective narrative and characters, and totally serviceable gunplay. This would be much higher on the list, and I honestly had a great time with it, but man the final third of the game was really painful to play. The switch to zombies was bad, and just wasn't fun to play through.
   
8. Until Dawn (PS4): I did not think I would like this game at all, I don't care for cheesy horror and definitely am not interested in interactive movies. But if you have a significant other or group of friends to play this with, it can be a great time! I played with my wife and we were honestly pretty engaged with the characters and the story was well told and had plenty of nice jump scares. There's not much game here, but for what it is it was a neat experience.
   
9. Shadow of the Colossus (Remake) (PS4): There were some incredible highlights to this game like the flying colossus and the sand worm, and the scale of the encounters with the epic music has earned this game a place as a masterpiece and classic to so many gamers. The remake looks stunning and it was exciting to see what type of colossus was up next. Unfortunately, every great moment I had was accompanied by an equally frustrating moment with mediocre controls and a couple of colossus that were so bad (looking at you, little bull/lion Celosia) that made me have to put down the game for a few days. A great game let down by some dated and poor elements.
   
10. Dark Souls II: Scholar of the First Sin (PS4): Souls games are my favorites, so it pains me to put this game so low. The best areas in the game (Heide's tower, Drangleic Castle, etc) are up there with the best in the series and most of the excellent combat found in the other games is more or less present here. But I think 2/3 of the game is bogged down by drab areas that feel more like a mario level designed to kill the player more than an area that could really exist. The Iron keep was the worst offender, the area was absolutely nonsensical and like so many other areas, enemies were placed in a way designed to frustrate the player with difficulty rather than engage them with challenge. Bosses were also mostly forgettable, but I did love the Looking Glass knight and the Pursuer!
    
11. Journey (PS4): Look, I'm as surprised as you that this game is on the bottom of the list. I honestly expected to love it. An artistic, beautiful marriage of environmental storytelling and unforgettable online interaction? A smooth and cathartic movement system? It has all these things, and no doubt deserves the acclaim and love it has from so many gamers. It just didn't resonate with me. Especially the ending, I felt for sure that there would be some great climax that contrasted with the struggle of the icy segment, but instead it fell a bit flat. Maybe I'll give it another try someday.
    

Conclusion, Gaming Patiently, and a Warning:

There you have it! I'd love to hear what surprised you in my rankings, where I'm horribly wrong, and what games you recommend I play next! Personally, I'm considering Persona 5 (though I'm not super into JRPGs), Dishonored 2 (am curious about immersive sims), and Jedi Fallen Order.
Gaming patiently is a strategy I absolutely endorse. Not only has it allowed me to form my own opinions of games independent of hype, but has allowed me to play a huge quantity of incredible games for honestly pennies. The average cost per game of everything I played this year was under $20. Now, more than ever, is an amazing time to get a PS4 and be a patient gamer, due to both the relative inexpensiveness and the sheer volume of outstanding games. I still will probably buy the big nintendo titles at launch and occasionally buy into hype, but most of the time it just isn't worth it anymore.
Finally, a friendly warning as a personal story for those of us who deeply love games and devote a lot of time to them. Like many kids, I was pretty limited by my parents growing up on what and how much I was allowed to play. I loved gaming but it was somewhat of a forbidden fruit. In college, I loved gaming and definitely played more, but still was very busy with social activities, studies, and other hobbies. Now, as a working adult with a comfortable job, I suddenly have more time and money than I have ever had in my life, and thus this giant list of games I played was created. For the first few months it was enthralling; all I wanted to do was play. Over the course of the year, however, it has become clear to me that requiring so much of my happiness and fun coming from having a game to be excited about can have some drawbacks. In the middle of a pandemic, if I'm sitting on the couch waiting for video games to make me happy and they just aren't giving me the same enjoyment that Bloodborne did when I played it for the first time, I'm just gonna be stuck there on the couch, slowly getting a bit depressed when my main source of fun isn't cutting it. So what's the point? Well, enjoy your games! Don't let anyone stop you from loving what you love. But if you start to burn out, please take care of yourself and engage in other hobbies, get outside, and keep things balanced. For me, doing so has made gaming all the sweeter.
Thanks for reading and indulging this long post!

Note: I’m not a citizen, but I’ve been living in the US long enough to be considered a resident alien for tax purposes. On my visa, I cannot work any job that’s not directly related to my major in grad school (IT/computer science), but I can invest in the stock market.

Section One: Assets and Debt

Net Worth: from -$13,603.63 (Jan 2020) to $9,605.97 (Jan 2021)
Retirement Balance: $16,000 in my 401(K).
I only started working 2 years ago and my company messed up my registration so they basically didn’t put any money into it my first year there (I found out in horror and they gave me around $1,000 to say sorry…). I contribute 9% and my company matches 3%.
Savings account balance: $2,500
I have $2,500 set aside as my “emergency fund”, and I’m building back my vacation & study abroad budgets after having to tap into them for a move. My job is very stable and I won't be let go any time soon (unless I quit myself) so I’m not setting aside a big emergency fund for now.
Checking account balance: $3,111.01
Investment account: $1,500 in some stocks.
I initially dumped half of my 2019 bonus and some monthly contributions (totaling around $4,000) to this account to test strategies. This was my “study fund” and I didn’t care if I’d lose it all. I grew the account to around $10,000 and withdrew almost everything (that went to all the fees I had to pay to break my lease, my brother’s lease, deposit, moving expenses, and new furniture) and left $1,500 worth of stocks in there right now.
Credit card debt: $2,243.76 on my BestBuy card and PayPal Credit.
I had the money to pay for the items in full but they offered X months interest-free and I wanted to throw money into my debts instead. I always pay off all balances well before the deadline. I also pay all my credit cards in full and have never paid any interest.
Student loan debt: $11,046.09 left on my $20,000 loans at 8% for my BA in Biology and Statistics. Day 1 of arriving in the US, they sat us down, handed each of us a pen, and said hey kids here are the terms of your 8% loans, sign the documents now! I just turned 17, didn't even know I had to pay this money back, and remembered thinking "Is 8% a lot?" That's how clueless I was.
As a non-citizen, I will never have them canceled, so my plan was to tackle this as soon as possible and I started paying more aggressively until they made it 0% interest since Q4 last year.
Car loan: $4,900 left on my $10,000 loan at 8.9%. I didn’t have a long credit history when I bought the car (September 2019) since I only got my first credit card after graduation, so the rate was terrible. I’m planning to pay this all off after my bonus comes in March.

Section Two: Income

Income Progression:
2012 - 2016: I had multiple student on-campus jobs all throughout my undergrad, making from $7.25 to $10/hour. After graduation, I couldn't find any job directly related to my majors within 3 months (I had only been searching for Bio lab work), ran out of money, and had to go back home. Honestly, I didn't want to keep doing science either and was very lost back then.
2017: My first full-time job was being a tutor for a private college prep institution when I went back to my home country to “figure out what I wanted to do with my life.” They paid pretty well for the standards of living there ($1,000/mo). I worked that job while self-studying how to code and data science courses on the side and preparing my grad school applications.
2019: I got a job at my current company a semester before I graduated from my MS in Data Science program. This was my first “big girl job.” I started out at $64,000 and couldn’t work for 2 months due to complications in my visa processes so that ate up all my savings that year. By the end of the year, they bumped my salary up to $76,000 and we also had an annual 3% raise, so in total $78,280 + 5% bonus.
2020: One of my teammates left and one thing led to another, I got a title change from Data Analyst to Data Scientist towards the end of the year. I asked for a raise and they bumped it to $96,000 + 5% bonus.
2021: After our annual 3% raise my salary is now $98,880 (+ at least 5% bonus). I think I’m slightly underpaid, but this job is very low-stress and flexible (especially after we WFH).
Main Job Monthly Take Home: $5,082.58
Taken from my last paychecks (before the annual raise)
Gross salary: $8,000
Tax: $2,081.68
401(k) deduction: $720
Health insurance: $115.74

Section Three: Expenses

Rent & renter’s insurance: $935 for my share for a 2bed/3bath condo. My parents pay a flat $700/mo for my brother’s share. He recently moved here since his school went virtual until at least the end of this semester and our family wanted us to be nearby to take care of each other.
Savings contribution: $900
Investment contribution: $420, but will increase once my car loan is paid off.
Debt payments:

• $1,000 on car loan until paid off.
• $200.13 minimum on student loans for now at 0% interest, will increase to $1,100 when car loan is paid off.
• $300 for Best Buy & PayPal Credit promotional deals

Car insurance: $127.01 ($762.05 paid in full every 6 months)
Car registration: $25 ($300 annual)
Donations: $20 monthly (ASPCA), plus several hundreds throughout the year (last year I donated to BLM orgs and local animal shelters)
Gas: $0. I drive an electric car. Charging probably drives up my electric bill by a bit, but still cheaper than gas. Also, this means no car maintenance at all until my car battery dies, which probably won’t happen in the next 5 years.
Utilities (electric, natural gas): ~$150
Wifi: $40
Cellphone: $10.61 ($108.66 for 6 months and I got a $45 credit from my bank)
Groceries: $500 (for 2 people)
Subscriptions: $20 (HP Ink, shared Netflix account, YNAB, Disney+)
Pet expenses: ~$20 for wet cat food
Personal care/hobby: I collect perfumes. Between makeup, skincare, clothes (which I had planned to stop buying this year) and perfume bottles and samples (the majority of my "personal care" expenses...), I averaged $400/mo last year. Without the makeup, skincare and clothes, I budget $150/mo this year for my fragrance hobby.
Household supplies: $30
Education: $30 (language/technical textbooks, Udemy/Coursera)
Gifts: $30
Credit card fee: $21 ($250 annual)

Section Four: Background

Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it?
Education is one of the top priorities in our household and this has been instilled in my mind since I was a kid. Perhaps because my grandparents were both professors and my parents both attended grad school, it was expected of us to have at least a bachelor's degree. With that said, my family tried to support our higher education financially as best they could and I'm very thankful for it. During undergrad, I had need-based financial aid and on-campus jobs, and my parents helped with the rest of my tuition. I still had to take (required by the school) a $20,000 loan. My grandmother helped pay for my 2-year master's program.
Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent/guardian(s) educate you about finances?
During high school, I had a measly weekly allowance and my dad had me write out all the transactions in a notebook. I thought it was very silly back then but now thinking back, it was probably some good practice. Other than that, they didn't talk about money at all, and I was absolutely clueless and wasn't interested in personal finance until a couple of years ago. I don't remember how but I think I woke up one day and decided to read every book about personal finance I could find and now I do talk with my dad about finances.
What was your first job and why did you get it?
My first job was washing dishes as a student worker! We all had to do it our freshman year before we were allowed to find other jobs. I managed to find 3 other jobs (stage crew, sports event worker, and math tutor) and stayed with all of them for 3 years.
Did you worry about money growing up?
Even though our parents never let on to us about their finances, they made sure that we'd grow up comfortable financially, so I didn't worry because I didn't know anything.
Do you worry about money now?
Yes. As I grew up, I came to learn more about my parents' financial situation and realized that they've sacrificed a lot for us. I had the majority of my college tuition supported by the school, but my brother doesn't, and tuition in the US isn't cheap, especially when you convert it to our local currency. I also never know for how long I can stay in the US and keep making the same kind of money I'm making now so I'm trying my best to pay down the student loans ASAP.
At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net?
I became fully financially responsible for myself when I started working at my current company. Before that my student worker jobs paid for my personal expenses in college but my parents still chipped in for tuition. I guess my family back home is my safety net but personally, I wouldn't ask them for help even if bad things happen to me in the future.
Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain.
Nope.

Diary

Day 1 (Thursday) - $3.35

• Alexa wakes me up and turns the light on. I change into my work clothes and head downstairs to my “office.” My boss starts our daily standup call, talking about what we did yesterday and what we plan for the day.
• I have my annual review meeting. Everything goes well and my bosses are very pleased with what I’ve done, especially after I transitioned into my new title as a Data Scientist, which honestly brought me more fulfillment in my job as well. We talk about our annual bonus and raise, which I already expected. It’s not a lot of money but hey any money is money and I’m not saying no.
• Some people bought my photocards so I gather all the orders and purchase a shipping label since 1 order is with tracked shipping. (Don’t ask me how this works but I’m a K-pop fan and we collect expensive cardboards. Depending on the popularity of the member of the group, profit margins can go up to 400%.) I head to the post office and drop off all the packages ($3.35)
• I’ve been waiting for the mailman all day and he finally comes! I’ve been working from home for almost a year now and my back pain is starting to kill me so I decided to “invest” in a $400 chair with lumbar and neck support. My cat happily takes the other chair and starts claiming her territory on it.

Day 2 (Friday) - $206.24

• I wake up on cue at Alexa’s daily briefing. Half an hour passes while I ponder on a perfume sample set I saw in someone’s fragrance collection on Reddit.
• I eventually give in and purchase the Zoologist sample set ($120.24). It’s within my budget this month, I’ve been eyeing this one for some time now and I can resell it for 80% value once I’m done testing them, so it’s not a huge loss anyway.
• Late lunch today. I make a quick lunch with sausages and keto toasts and quickly finish it while watching some YouTube videos on personal finance and updates on $GME (no I did not buy any shares).
• When in doubt, throw every leftover food in your fridge in a pan and make fried rice. Side dish is sweet and sour tomato and egg “cloud soup.” Then we have our weekly family video call with my parents back in my home country.
• I go down the YouTube rabbit hole again and buy 2 more perfume sample sets ($86.00). All the purchases today (~50 samples) would probably take me months to try out so I promise myself no more until next quarter as I click the pay button.

Day 3 (Saturday) - $71.27

• I wake up at 8:45 am and laze around for half an hour, scrolling down Twitter and answering my friend’s questions on how to enter the stock market. Today is my cheat day (I have one every 2-3 weeks), so I contemplate if I should order delivery for lunch. I check YNAB and decide that it’s too expensive, so I go downstairs to make myself a hearty breakfast with a latte, half a croissant, grilled chicken breasts, and snack on some shrimp crackers and tangerines.
• I purchase a shipping label ($3.22) and head out to the post office. For some reason I want to smell like a lemon cake today, so I spritz on Xerjoff Lira, put on sunscreen, and head out. This perfume always makes me feel so warm and delicious.
• I spend the whole afternoon catching up with my Chinese and Korean lessons for the week.
• Suddenly craving some instant noodles, so I immediately get up and head to a local Asian grocery store to shop for instant and pho noodles (I’m planning to make pho for Lunar New Year) and some snacks for my brother ($38.71). We drop by a bubble tea shop nearby and get bubble tea and 2 dessert cakes ($19.71). I usually don’t drink sugary drinks, but since it’s my cheat day, I put in an order and pay for the both of us.
• Some more PC orders came in and they’re all with tracked shipping. The post office is closed tomorrow but I’ll just pay now for the shipping labels so that I won’t forget ($9.63).

Day 4 (Sunday) - $0.00

• I literally do nothing today until 4 pm.
• I make dinner, then finish my Chinese lesson and review the flashcards I made yesterday. That’s enough activity for the day.
• One of my friends calls to show me her album haul of the day and I'm tempted, but (fortunately?) there's no kpop store in my city so I make myself forget about buying any more albums.

Day 5 (Monday) - $40.10

• I wake up with a headache, not feeling too well, so I request a day off and message my boss. I can’t go back to sleep, so I just lie there in bed for a couple of hours. I suddenly remember that WandaVision is on air, and there are a couple of movies on there I haven’t watched yet, so I subscribe to Disney+ ($7.52) and start binge-watching.
• We ran out of soft drinks for my brother, so I have to drive to Costco again after lunch ($32.58). I also need to drop off all the orders that came in over the weekend.
• I go to my old apartment for my move-out inspection (I haven't been living there since December but still had to honor the 2-month notice and pay for all the rent). There are a couple of spots that might cost me some deductions in my deposit. Sigh. At least I get to tell them to remove the charges on my lease for February, and they assure me that they will.
• I finish binge-watching some movies on Disney+. I see Colourpop is advertising some Valentine’s Day palettes on my feed. I do not need those, I do not need those, I do not need those. I should’ve just unfollowed makeup brands on social media. Some more late-night scrolling, and then I finally go to sleep.

Day 6 (Tuesday) - $8.02

• I wake up groggily, still feeling a bit sick. We have a late standup today, so I take my time making my coffee and start working, as my cat also settles in on my lap and starts napping. My head is still aching and I'm not sure if it's the cold or just keto flu so I load up on electrolytes, fish oil, and acetaminophen just in case.
• Somebody lowballed me on one of my postings. Ugh I hate it when they do this, but this one is not selling too well, so I meet them halfway. I purchase another shipping label ($3.03).
• Today is our bi-monthly deployment date, which means all the engineers (and anyone who has committed changes in our codebase) meet up and sit around until all the merges are deployed into production. I had some changes last week so I just sit there and do my own work until it's my turn. My boss told me this morning he had some test API from one of our new clients so I go to check out some of the data there. Oh how I love me some messy, messy data that nobody knows what to do with.
• The repair guy who came to fix our washing machine doesn't leave until 5:15 pm so I drop by the post office late, but just in time as they're collecting the mail! Then I drop by a nearby (rather upscale) grocery store as I'm running out of heavy cream, but everything is so expensive. I compare price per oz and pick up the coffee creamer instead ($4.99).
• I heat up the cauliflower rice and leftover curry and eat dinner as I watch Coco (I can't believe I've never actually watched it!) Then I review my Chinese flashcards for a bit, do half an hour of Just Dance until I sweat, play with my cat, and call it a day.

Day 7 (Wednesday) - $3.49

• I stayed up quite late yesterday playing a mobile game and finally wake up after snoozing the alarm for the 84th time. My boss starts our standup at our usual time; there's nothing urgent or pressing today so I just take my time. I take a quick nap in the afternoon and go back to work.
• I use the last drops of avocado oil to fry up some bulgogi for dinner. Need to go back to Costco for more avocado oil tomorrow, I guess.
• After dinner, a friend asks me about perfume samples that she wants to try. I go online to search for them but no dice since they belong to a new collection that only got launched in Europe. I take this time to try out some similar smelling samples in my collection as well.
• I review my Chinese flashcards and do some workbook exercises. After an hour, my brain is fried on Chinese but I don't want to go to bed yet, so I pick up a book on my bookcase that I was reading a while ago (A Random Walk Down Wall Street) and read one more chapter.
• An order came in so I purchase another shipping label ($3.49), update my budgeting app for a bit, and then head to bed.

Summary

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Category	Amount	Note
Food & Drink	$95.99	Groceries
Fun / Entertainment	$7.52	Disney+ subscription
Home & Health	$0.00
Clothes & Beauty	$206.24	Perfume samples
Other*	$22.72	Shipping labels
Total	$309.75	shipping labels not included

*I don’t count the shipping labels as expenses because they’re already factored into the profits I made from my sales, but I included them anyway because they're still charges on my accounts. Any profit goes back to funding my album purchases so... I guess it's a vicious cycle.
Overall, a pretty normal week for me in terms of food. I don’t eat out often (I allow myself only one meal and one dessert every month) and have used up my 1 dessert allowance this week so I probably won't have any more this month. I might’ve gone overboard with the perfume purchases this week, but tbh perfumes bring me joy. My mood is lifted and I'm transported to old and new places every time I put on a perfume that I enjoy, so for me, it’s worth it. I try to be frugal whenever I can, but I'll never skimp on education and hobbies that make me happy. Writing this week-long diary, I realize I need to get back to working out, though. I'll probably have to stop procrastinating and pull out my RingFit gears still inside the moving boxes. Playing Just Dance also makes me miss dancing so bad as I used to be active in several dance crews since college (but stopped after I started working full time). I'll try to stick to Just Dance for now to get my cardio until Covid is over and I can get back to in-person dance classes.